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Weakness and vulnerability

Reddit View
March 19, 2017
6 upvotes

There are a couple things I'm trying to reconcile.

  1. Women want to be wanted/needed.

  2. Men at times have rough moments (problems at work, learning of a tragedy, etc).

What I'm trying to figure out is how to navigate those rough moments.

On the one hand, seems like it would be best to be the rock and not show any chink in the armor. STFU, go do something productive/manly like a project around the house / lifting / etc. Maybe call another guy I trust (dad, brother, buddy) and talk it out a bit.

On the other hand, my wife is pretty good at seeing when I'm having a tough time with something (or she'll just know based on circumstances) and she'll genuinely want to help. And when I don't talk to her / don't let her help (often because I'll do the above activities), she is hurt and resentful that I'm shutting her out of tough times -- not allowing her to help.

Wondering how I can allow her to feel needed (or at least wanted since "neediness" is anti-MRP) while still being the rock and showing that I can handle myself regardless.


Post Information
Title Weakness and vulnerability
Author stew7000
Upvotes 6
Comments 19
Date 19 March 2017 05:18 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/206389
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/60b5sp/weakness_and_vulnerability/
Similar Posts

Red Pill terms found in post:
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Comments

[–]SepeanRed Beret7 points8 points  (3 children) | Copy

Women want to be wanted/needed.

And they want jewelry, facebook likes and a thousand other things that don't make them wet.

Men at times have rough moments (problems at work, learning of a tragedy, etc).

And they handle them with stoic calm.

What I'm trying to figure out is how to navigate those rough moments. On the one hand, seems like it would be best to be the rock and not show any chink in the armor. STFU, go do something productive/manly like a project around the house / lifting / etc. Maybe call another guy I trust (dad, brother, buddy) and talk it out a bit.

Sounds right.

On the other hand, my wife is pretty good at seeing when I'm having a tough time with something (or she'll just know based on circumstances)

Double down on your stoic meditation and negative visualizations if rough moments make you feel down.

she'll genuinely want to help.

Yes, just like she wants you to do everything she says. Her getting her way doesn't mean she'll continue thinking you're fuckable though.

And when I don't talk to her / don't let her help (often because I'll do the above activities), she is hurt and resentful that I'm shutting her out of tough times -- not allowing her to help.

Water is wet and women have mood swings. Not your concern.

Wondering how I can allow her to feel needed (or at least wanted since "neediness" is anti-MRP) while still being the rock and showing that I can handle myself regardless.

I recommend sex. I enjoy it and it also makes my wife feel wanted, it's win-win.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

stoic meditation and negative visualizations

Can you elaborate on this? It is not in the sidebar (which I have read) - I have read marcus arelius and some epictetus, not familiar with those terms. Thanks!

[–]SepeanRed Beret1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

http://lifehacker.com/5847931/negative-visualization-helps-you-appreciate-what-you-already-have

"A guide to the good life" which the article mentions is strongly recommended.

Other meditation I mainly focus on valuing and enjoying my reactions and behaviors more than the results, and setting goals accordingly. For example a sales meeting my goal is to prepare and present as well as I can and find joy in doing that well even if it fails. Also being ascetic and handling adversity with stoic calm, and finding joy in exercising my character like that.

[–]stew7000[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I'll look into this stoic meditation / negative visualizations. Seems like family alpha wrote about that once. Your overall response was great and plainly stated - thanks.

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (1 child) | Copy

Want to vent? Find a friend.

She loves asking, but she will dry up for your troubles.

[–]stew7000[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I've dished out this same advice (vent to guys) to a bunch of guys, but for some reason wasn't coming to that conclusion here. Thanks for the reminder.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

Women will tolerate and even enjoy doses of beta behaviour (such as sharing your problems) if you are alpha enough. u/Sepean has pretty much summed up the correct approach, but I think you can have it both ways if you are the boss. For example, you are worried about a work issue, rather than coming off as worried, use her as a sounding board for your thoughts. Talk out loud about your options for FIXING the issue, not about you worrying about it. Talk about your strategy and let her chime in with an opinion. She may even say something useful, even a broken clock is right twice a day. This way you get to think out loud, act like a boss, and make her feel involved. Just be sure to make up your own mind at the end of the day.

[–]youcantdenythat2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

She thinks she wants you to be vulnerable but if she actually sees it it will be a huge turn off.

Sounds like you're doing the right thing. You shouldn't try to always please her. Women like to have a little drama here and there.

[–]stew7000[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I was close to not doing the right thing. Good to hear from everyone here and wake up.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

I've accepted wisdom that, once you have established your alpha dominance for an extended period of time, then a little gob of vulnerability can be attractive. I'm talking "Every year on March the 12th I visit my fathers grave. I sit out there for three hours. We have half a bottle of scotch together. It's been fifteen years. I still miss him."

Not crying, not whining, just admitting you are not invincible and some things are hard.

I have a buddy who is fantastic at these. He told me awhile back about something he admitting to his LTR, while I was bluepill. At the time I was like "whut? That's not really admitting a vulnerability. That's a subtle way of showing how awesome you are."

And it was. That is, a slight vulnerability to generate some emotional FeelZ. In terms of her genuinely helping him get over a struggle - uh ... no. That ain't it.

At your stage of the game, honestly, the best i'd suggest is something like: "yes, there's a guy at work who's bugging me. Nothing I can do about it and I don't want to talk about it. Want to help me take my mind off it?" (possibly smack on rear)

:-)

[–]All_Ads_Deceive0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

There's a big difference between respecting your father and whining about work and your feelz.

I think OP wants to drink appletinis and vent with his woman while still keeping her tingles flowing

[–]stew7000[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Yeah that sounds about right for an acceptable level of vulnerability.

[–]mrpthrowa2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

No she doesn't want to help. She's been fed the bluepill propaganda, as propagated via various pop songs and crappy romance movies about some faggot who wants to be consoled by a girl. She wants to feel good she is helping, but she will dry up so quick at your puking.

Just like choreplay, nice guy, flowers every day, etc...

[–]stew7000[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Yup. Will stay away from this. Thank you.

[–]nastynickdrRed Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Depends on how you do it. If you dont act needy / desperated you should probably be fine.

Lets say husband was fired, has 2 kids, wife is SAHM.

1) I was fired today! Shit, what are we gonna do? We dont have anything left at the bank, all those bills to pay, mortgage, how are we gonna feed the kids, pay for their school? Finding a decent job is so hard nowadays! We are screwed! I need your help!

2) I was fired today. We have enough savings for at least 12 months, we also have that investment that I have been doing for the last five years. Also since I have been doing specialization courses on my area I am a lot more qualified than I was years ago. I have also been reaching a few potential employers quite a while ago, a couple of them were really interested in having me, so I probably should give them a call. Dont worry babe, I´ve got this.

Which one you are is up to you.

[–]All_Ads_Deceive0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

I never need to talk about my feeling with anyone. I also never freak out when tough things occur. I keep calm and do what it takes to solve them. Your problem may be your estrogen levels

[–]stew7000[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Yup. Owning it. Doubling down.

[–]cholomiteMod / BP Downvote Magnet0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Handle your emotions like a man and don't dump anything negative on her. If she wants to help, have her cook you good meals at might, or run a few errands while you get other stuff done. Give her tasks and activities to help her help you, don't just vent your emotions to her.

There's nothing wrong with being stressed out, but she'll lose respect for you of you just bitch and complain without any action to fix it. Put her ass to work for you and give her an extra long kiss when she does a good job.

[–]Downhere_Seeds0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I saw a King of the Hill the other day, where Hank was worried about losing Ladybird. He went in the garage, turned on the table saw, closed the garage door and cried. A lot of red pill'isms in the that show.



You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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