Hello all,

I won't bother with twenty paragraphs of intimate personal background because I don't think it matters. LTR of 6 years, co-own a house, no children. I started out relatively alpha and turned into a beta bitch. Started recovery a few weeks ago.

My question is this: I've read tons of posts from several TRP / MRP veterans advising that fulfilling these "fetch" tasks puts you in a beta position, even if it's subconscious, basically because you're doing something for her that she explicitly asks. This seems at odds with some basic sense of human decency in certain contexts.

Let me clarify: I'm not talking about demands, i.e. "Grab me my phone." Obviously I'm not going to allow myself to be commanded, regardless of tone. I'm not talking about a situation where she could easily do something herself, i.e. we're both sitting on the same couch and she says "Can you please grab me a drink from the fridge?" - I used to acquiesce to these requests, now I just laugh and say "What, are your legs broken?" or whatever other brush-off comes to mind.

The specific type of situation I'm talking about is like the following, which happens on a near daily basis: I come downstairs from my home office, and the stairs come out near the kitchen within 6 feet of the fridge. She is reasonably occupied with something, i.e. in the process of vacuuming a room. Or isn't doing anything productive but is "settled," for example, lying down on the couch under a blanket with our cat sleeping on her lap watching TV (I want to curb this behavior in the long run but that's a bigger question). Before I hit the bottom of the stairs she asks, "Hey, would you mind grabbing me a bottle of water out of the fridge?"

My "logical" thought here is basically - I'm on my feet, right by the fridge. The mechanical work required for me to do this is minimal, at most 1/4 what it would take for her to do it. She asked nicely. I have no real reason to deny the request, logically.

Of course, we're not talking about logic when it comes to women and attraction. So what's my play? Is it necessary to deny these types of requests, and if so, how exactly do you do that?