Don't want to be a social retard anymore. Need help.

papayafloss · 2017-01-03T09:38:48+00:00

I was fuming inside.

Mistake 1: Loss of Frame

I told her that I will help her find a socially skilled guy and then asked BIL to also help me find one for her. Awkward silence ensued the room.

Mistake 2: Being socially awkward

That night I cried in the bathroom thinking after all I am, she still thinks she can get better. This is how she fucking started my new year. Bitch!

Mistake 3: Letting other people's actions get better of you.

All BIL is is he is an extrovert, life of the party. I am not.

Mistake 4: Comparing yourself to others.

Why do I need to have every fucking skill on the planet to be happy and to have a happy wife?

Mistake 5: Thinking that you need to become whoever else than you to be happy.

Mistake 6: Thinking that you have to please anybody to be happy.

Why can't I just be myself?

Mistake 7: Thinking that you can be "just yourself" and be happy, without actually being happy being yourself.

Why the fuck was I born a social retard and end up with a woman who actually wanted a social guy?!?!

Mistake 8: Thinking that you are born with anything and can't get better of circumstances.

Mistake 9: Marrying someone you don't really want to be with.

Mistake 10: Remaining married to someone you don't really want to be with.

Wtf is this shit? What is my fault in all of this? My only fault I probably married the wrong woman.

Mistake 11: Unnecessary and undirected anger.

Mistake 12: Seeing the problem and not fixing it.

My bitch wife

Mistake 13: Anger phase.

I am an introvert and I seem to not be able to get past that block.

Mistake 14: Trying to become someone you are not.

Start living healthy. Lifting is not enough - eat healthy, sleep healthy, train healthy, reduce stress.
Read Sidebar > MRP Guide for Beginners
Read No More Mr. Nice Guy. This book is for you.

[deleted] · 2017-01-04T06:27:08+00:00

The good thing is you had your Moment in private...

Now that its over, time to get to work. Youre not any different than a hundred guys here, and its the same approach.

Sidebar, start with the basics.

Tiway22 · 2017-01-03T12:34:49+00:00

But you can be who you are! And you can get girls being who you are.

You might be able to fix your relationship but that doesn't start with her. It starts with you.

Stop being such a victim and do something about it. Definitely read no more mr nice guy. That is you 100%.

Start thinking about how to improve yourself - not become someone else - just be a better you. Start by lifting weights, it's the best thing a man can do to start improving his life.

Good luck brother! Let me know if you have any questions.

redearththeory · 2017-01-03T14:12:06+00:00

Read every book in the sidebar starting with the prerequisites. Most of them are about social interaction in one form or another. Your problem is that you're a low value man and the nearest examples of high value men are highly social. I promise that if you were a 30 year old Clint Eastwood or pro athlete no one care that you're not super social. Its a wider topic, don't get obsessed with one facet. Use what you find here to become a high value man and the ditch your wife if she doesn't improve accordingly.

nastynickdr · 2017-01-03T10:21:08+00:00

Yes you are in the right place, if you are willing to put in the work.

Theres no easy answer and easy fix. You need to read the sidebar. My suggestion is: start with no more mr nice guy, when i say no i feel guilty and married man sex life primer.

Short answer: you need to man up. Your response "help her find one guy like that" was good by the way, extra point if you did it with a smirk on your face.

You have to improve yourself. You probably care too much about what other people think of you, so you think a lot before you speak because you are afraid that people may think this or may think that if you say this or say that. Fuck that.

Most importantly, you should be doing this for YOU, and not for your wife or anyone else. She should be the one afraid of losing you, if its the other way around, its all wrong and the relationship slowly starts going to shit. A dick to sit on is easy as fuck to find, but commitment from a high value man is not, the problem is you are not a high value man, and she sure doesnt see you as one. Stop being afraid of losing her, stop caring about what she thinks, stop caring if you do this or do that will "make her happy". What can "make her happy" is her knowing that she has a strong high value masculine man by her side who owns his shit and kicks ass in life.

You can "just be yourself". But you should be always be striving to be the best version of yourself. For your own sake and happiness, not for your wife or anyone else. If "just being yourself" for you is eating doritos, coca cola, laying on the sofa playing video games and masturbating in the end of the day then you are really screwed in life, not only in your marriage.

man_in_the_world · 2017-01-03T13:29:49+00:00

Try reading Dale Carnegie's classic How to Win Friends and Influence People.

[deleted] · 2017-01-03T15:07:10+00:00

Sidebar is on the side. Get started. For future reference we make men here. We aren't here to whine and bitch or listen to whining and bitching.

papayafloss · 2017-01-03T15:10:27+00:00

Welcome. That was your victim puke. You get one.

next post, give us a field report, but start with how you are improving.

Some people start pretty low. For me, "I no longer whine and cry like a bitch in front on my wife" was step one. If you went into the bathroom, you're ahead of me.

Congrats.

Now get going. Read. Lift. Develop yourself.

papayafloss · 2017-01-03T15:41:33+00:00

What is my fault in all of this?

All of it is your fault. Quit crying about it. Start working on it. What do you do with your free time besides cry in the bathroom? Do you have any friends? Hobbies? Interests? Join toastmasters. Join the Rotary, Kiwanis, Sertoma, Knights of Columbus or whatever, get out there and meet people and interact. There are a million resources already available for people like you. Find them. Use them.

atlhart · 2017-01-03T14:51:09+00:00

You are in the right place. And you're about to get your teeth kicked in.

Stop blaming this shit on your wife, your genetics, your life. Stop blaming external factors. You're life is your own. It's on you. If it sucks, that's you're fault. If you're married to a woman that treats you like shit, that's your fault. Own your shit. By owning your shit you learn that it's your fault, and therefore within you're power to change.

Guess what, fucker, you're wife can do better than you. You're an awkward introverted angry mother fucker. Who would want to fuck you? But don't worry, it gets better from here.

And you lift, do you? You think that makes you fuckable? You think that makes you special? What's your body fat %? What are your PRs? You lift, but your wife thinks you're a loser. The answer is you aren't lifting enough. Go lift. But there's more to it.

STFU. Shut the fuck up. You angry? You want to call your wife a bitch? You want to whine about how badly she treats you? You think any of that makes you attractive? Shut the fuck up. STFU is your rock. Your island. Your fortress. You stay there until you learn to swim. How do you learn to swim?

Read the sidebar. No, not just the words. Not just the FAQ. All of it. NMMNG, WISNIFG, The Rational Male, top posts (from here and the parent sub /r/marriedredpill)...all of it. Keep reading.

In fact, this week...no, today....start reading No More Mr. Nice Guy. It should take you only a few nights to read. Read it like you have a fucking life changing test on the subject on Friday. You shouldn't post again unless you've read this book. If you can't make the effort to read this book quickly, then you aren't worth our time trying to help.

And after all that, take a breath. Chill. And then read about Dread Game. Specially the levels. And for gods sake take your time. Dread isn't a race. Timing is part of the process. Some things you can't rush. It takes 12+ hours to smoke a good pork shoulder and it takes time to change your life. Dread is a process. You have to work it. It'll make you a better person.

And finally, Do NOT go all Rambo red pill. You'll look like even more of a loser if you start yelling at your wife about how you're the captain, you're the leader, and she must respect you. She'll laugh at you. Acta, non verba. Action, not words.

TL;DR: STFU. Lift. Sidebar. Dread Game.

470_2_700_nm · 2017-01-03T14:45:09+00:00

I could see in my wife's actions how she thinks SIL is lucky to have BIL as husband. I somehow know that she thinks she could also get a guy like BIL.

You do not have yourself pegged as the prize.

She pointed out in front of SIL and BIL how I am a social retard and how BIL is a smooth talker. She mentioned how I do not know what to speak when and what emotions to show when. I was fuming inside.

I would hate this too, it is a great message though: She is saying "fix this". And you can - just read, learn, and practice. Better yet, read learn and pratice on other women and once you get good in front of your wife.

That night I cried in the bathroom thinking after all I am, she still thinks she can get better. This is how she fucking started my new year. Bitch!

Embrace the suck. Let that anger fuel you at the gym and in your other "getting awesome" endeavours. End of day, every one of our women are vetting our current and future states in terms of meeting their needs. We can't change this for you.

Why the fuck was I born a social retard

Let me tell you something fuck head. My daughter has down syndrome. SHE WAS BORN A SOCIAL RETARD AND WILL BE FOREVER Now fuck you and fuck this "I can't fix this". Between you and my daughter, there is only one social retard. The other has nothing but a self fulfilling prophecy.

My bitch wife thinks I am a social retard and I now want to become a social dynamo.

You are blaming everything on someone or something else. Stop this. If you lift, great, re focus on this and keep going. I can tell sure as fuck you do not and have not read the sidebar, so get started.

And remember, there will always be a more fit, extroverted, rich, charming, blah blah blah, than you. Always. Question is, are you going to own your life and mission, or are you going to throw in the towel? The choice is yours. Now clean up all this victim puke and man up.

[deleted] · 2017-01-03T14:59:45+00:00

The social skills can be learned. For now, game your wife, go plan an exciting life and lead your wife along, and READ about those skills. Dale Carnegie is a decent place to start.

Another option - watch a lot of late-night talk show hosts eg David Letterman, then read something like "The Art of Witty Banter" by Patrick King; it is a $3.00 amazon kindle book. It is worth at least twice that. :-)

rocknrollchuck · 2017-01-03T22:44:07+00:00

After reading your post through a couple times, it hit me: you sound like a man who is controlled by his emotions. Guess who else is like that? A woman. Seriously. The good news is, you're not a woman - it is just learned behavior, and it can be changed.

You've received a lot of good advice here. I would add only this: STFU! When you feel emotional, shut up and leave the immediate vicinity. Go somewhere and let it out if you need to, but resist the temptation to respond. Work on being the strong, silent type first. You must get rid of the whiny, bitchy complainer attitude first before you can replace it with "being the life of the party." It will come in time, as you practice. The good news is, I see potential in your post to be a funny, sarcastic dude if you develop that skill. Start learning about A&A (Agree & Amplify) and AM (Amused Mastery), those will become natural for you with a little practice. Be careful about how much you use them at first though: those kinds of responses only work when you're not butthurt about a situation. THAT'S where your biggest challenge lies.

Can you guys help me? Am I at the right place?

You are at the right place. No, we can't help you. We can only give you the tools you need to help yourself.

FistFullOfBitches · 2017-01-04T07:00:11+00:00

Others have mentioned this already, but it's important enough to reiterate. Your core problem isn't being socially awkward. It's the fact that you're constantly comparing yourself to others, that you let the opinions of others carry more weight in your head than they deserve, and that you have all sorts of insecurity and self-loathing poisoning your mindset everyday, that is the core problem here. Lacking some social skills just adds a little extra gravy to the meal.

The good news is that all these problems are fixable. Social skills are not something magical - you can learn them just like you can learn to drywall or drive a stickshift. You may grind the gears a few times and get mud all over the place at first, but that's OK, it's part of the process.

The bigger thing is to work on is the those root problems though. Its takes a lot of honesty with yourself, and a willingness to accept things that your ego might not want to let you believe. The books listed on the sidebar are a great starting place. Get them on kindle if you prefer - you can read them on your phone with the kindle app.

papayafloss · 2017-01-04T07:03:59+00:00

Edit:

Thanks for all the advice guys. I will be around and will be putting in the work, but deleting the post since wife saw me reading redpill.

bogeyd6 · 2017-01-03T15:03:14+00:00

After crying like a girl for some nice 20 mins in the bathroom

Found the first problem. Too much estrogen in your body. Tell yourself that story. Grown ass man crying in a bathroom because his wife asks something of him. Step 1, go see a doctor and get your hormones checked. Seriously, something is very wrong with you.

Well anyways. I guess I can answer the question too. Start talking to everyone you meet. You can't really go from introvert to life of the party to be honest with you. There are degrees that you can achieve however. Ask questions about the weather and what they did for the weekend. Keep up to date on the most popular sport even if you don't watch it.

[deleted] · 2017-01-03T15:31:22+00:00

You are living the definition of giving too many fucks.

She's not a bitch for doing what any wife AWALT would do when confronted with being married to a man with a fragile ego. She probes it. Then she probes it publicly. Thinking of it in that light hamstrings you.

You value yourself based on HER valuation which in her eyes is cheapening your value.

Take a breath. Stop caring so much what she thinks.

Listen to some old Patrice O'Neal, Bill Burr and others in the vein of funny, cocky, confident. Get your brain filled with AGREE and AMPLIFY... and AMUSEMENT.

You wanted muscles so you went to the gym.

You want witty repartee you listen to comedians.

And just to be clear: the ace move would have been to treat her public jab as a layup to make everyone laugh... not get quiet and uncomfortable.

"She mentioned how I do not know what to speak when and what emotions to show when."

"What do say why huh? I so happy <and fake cry>".

It was a bitchy thing to say in front of company... it would have made it obvious (and brought them to you) by saving them from a weird spot by treating it like a joke. But instead since you went pouty it wasn't bitchy...it was accurate.

[deleted] · 2017-01-03T15:42:22+00:00

I have a bitch of a wife who thinks she can do better than me.

you must be ok with this

So, Step one : stop crying in the bathroom

step two : realize she was really really hoping you would have used her little statement and had fun with it.

She mentioned how I do not know what to speak when and what emotions to show when

" Baby, does this mean I should stop laughing when we have sex?"

" Durrr. what you say Princess? You queen now? Oh, I bow!" in a sarcastic way....

Or "And on that note, anyone want to drink more so we can catch up to this one ( point to wife, implying she is stupid and drunk) over here"

Or you know, you can tell her to get the fuck out.

weakandsensitive · 2017-01-03T16:43:30+00:00

And fuck you guys, I do lift. I see in every post, this being called out. I powerlift 3 times a week.

For all that liftin', you still manage to cry like a bitch.

Can you guys help me? Am I at the right place?

Sidebar.

[deleted] · 2017-01-03T16:53:05+00:00

Everyone has one victim puke here.

This one was yours. That is fine.

Now stop thinking about your wife. Read top 20 posts on MRP including comments and side bar, lift. And for sake of God do not share your "feelz" and "plans" with your wife (AKA STFU).

Submit in OYS section your progress in establishing your own point of reference (AKA frame) weekly.

Did I mention lifting already?

Title	Don't want to be a social retard anymore. Need help.
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	4
Comments	53
Date	January 3, 2017 9:19 AM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askMRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/5lr1ff/dont_want_to_be_a_social_retard_anymore_need_help/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askMRP/dont-want-to-be-a-social-retard-anymore-need-help.206704 https://theredarchive.com/post/206704

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