Hello again MRP, I need some advice on a current situation. TLDR: Wife violated a fucking major boundary I clearly and verbally set with her, I have to provide consequences, which I was clear about, but exactly what the consequences would be, I did not specify.

My wife is from SE Asian country. When we met i was learning one of the Chinese languages. She fought my learning that version of Chinese for years, instead urging me to learn her native dialect (zero programs to learn this dialect are available).

I stopped learning the version I was learning because i no longer saw the value in it (she and her family do not speak it, I have no friends who speak it).

An ongoing issue between us is my inability to communicate with her family. in the last few months, she has reversed her position on me learning the Chinese dialect that actually has programs available, however I have prioritized learning it way down on my MAP (end of next year at the earliest).

Last night she started shit testing me about it and accusing me of not caring for her family and all the other bullshit she throws at me. I STFU and A&A all of them, did not crack my frame at all. Next was a demand to cancel inviting my family coming over for Christmas, I laughed and agreed. (I will not have any plan used as a weapon against me).

She continued to bitch me out and escalate. I will not take this kind of behavior anymore, so I left to go read for a couple hours (parked at a Walgreens a block away).

When I got home, she doubled down on the shit testing (crazy) and demanded to know where I went. I gave her a broken record of "Out".

Finally, after talking with my family about the election results, I got ready and went to bed. She started trying to argue again, I reminded her that we don't argue after midnight on a worknight (I work fucking early). I established this as a boundary since one of her favorite weapons is to keep me up until I give in due to lack of sleep, or getting sick from lack of sleep. Edit: I call this Sleep terrorism. I have not caved to her terroristic demands once in the last six weeks. Zero sorrys, zero compromises, zero rewards for keeping me awake.

She continued despite me reminding her of the rule and my complete lack of reacting to anything she said. She then attempted to make me angry and punish her by mocking my reminder that there would be consequences and mocking me for "threatening" her.

I now believe have to give her consequences for this and I am really hesitant to serve her with divorce papers, which is the only consequence I can think of that is overt and matching the severity of the boundary breaking.

I come here looking for advice and suggestions. Am I overracting? was I just being an irrational dick? I refuse to let her cause any kind of emotional, outward, or inward reaction within me to pull me into her frame, but she broke a pretty huge boundary for me and I MUST react.

Edit: How do you guys get scarce when you need to sleep? going to the couch and sleeping in the car both don't work well (tried several times)