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Mid-nuke & clueless

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June 8, 2016
11 upvotes

I've been lurking here for a while. Read pre-reqs and currently 4-5 months into my map. Been lifting, eating right. And with the wife been consistently passing the smaller shit tests. Anyway, I had a big display of disrespect from the wife.

Yesterday was my son's Pre-school graduation. He was trying to get the attention of my mother-in-law and got upset because she was distracted. Anyway he was in mid-cry-tantrum and I took on calming him down since we need to get going. While i try to calm him my wife interjects with yelling at my son. I asked her to stop and she began yelling at me. Attacking my parenting methods, trying to enforce her dominance basically.

I walk off at first since her mother was here. I pulled her aside and told her that I do not appreciate this behavior and will not tolerate this disrespect.

She then begins to yell at my further, the long story short of her message was I need to do what she says. Her mother chimes in that we need to be a united front in front of them. Basically backing my wife. At this point she's screaming at me. I tell her this conversation is over until she can speak to me with respect. She began to scream more and I walked away. Note, this whole time I remained calm. I believe it was my calmness that made her escalate. If it weren't for his graduation i would have left but I couldn't do that to him.

I realized my mistake was not addressing her behavior when she calmed down. So today I calmly told her the same thing that her tone is appreciated and will not be tolerated. She goes off saying how i disrespected her when i walked away. I stupidly replied that I did so because I wasn't going to be screamed at (which I already told her yesterday when i did). Anyway she goes off and stay on message that this needs to change. Then i had enough and calmly told her this is a final warning that things need to change and left. She chased me out and told me not to come back.

So anyway, what to do now? I know i'll be ripped apart so please rip my ass apart. Tear me down so i can rebuild.

Lastly, i found it interesting that today she told me how nasty and disrespectful I was yet I remained calm the whole time. I fogged all her distractions and stayed on message that I demand respect. Yet she interjected her feelings of how i felt. Damn crazy women...


Post Information
Title Mid-nuke & clueless
Author MrClueless777
Upvotes 11
Comments 29
Date 08 June 2016 06:49 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/207387
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/4n6nk6/midnuke_clueless/
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Red Pill terms found in post:
MAPshit testdominancelift
Comments

[–]BluepillProfessorMod / Red Beret10 points11 points  (6 children) | Copy

Hold your frame to the last, mate.

Your mistake was making it about her and basically pushing her into a corner in front of her mom. Instead of addressing her and telling her what she could do or not do (i.e. not yell at your son) you should have made it about YOU.

Practice with me:

"Thanks sweetheart, but I have got this."

[–]MrClueless777[S] 3 points4 points  (5 children) | Copy

Thank you BPP. Love the book btw. It's my current read. I'm going to hold out to the end. Just hope she texts her submission before I run out of things to do.

I've used that line "I got this" plenty of times. She hates it. She has this mentality that children should fear their parents. I don't prescribe to this. I'm stern when I feel it's necessary and I don't bend from my methods.

She doesn't want me to have it because she gives up control. I guess this is why I need to hold out. Eventually one of us will submit and it has to be her to move forward taking the helm.

Edit: the more I read that the more it mames sense thanks again.

[–]Griever1141 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy

Different parenting techniques aside, your MIL is right and your wife was being a bitch. You cant show your kid two disciplines. They pick up on that shit like the CIA and WILL exploit that in the future. Aka, daddy treats me better, mommy is a cunt.

I think telling her to stop was the first mistake. If you had "I got this babe" form the get go and just kept frame it may have worked. When you shut her down (in front of her mom no less) she was backed into a corner. She will ALWAYS be he mom's child and that provoked the estrogen molotov cocktail that you had thrown at you.

You CANNOT undermine eachother in front of a child. You need to take that shit outside to deal with it... especially if in-laws are around. In-laws are literally more players on the chessboard.

Stay in frame and dont tolerate disrespect, especially in front of the kid.

You are making changes and she is shit testing you.

Were you a drunk captain? Are you lifting?

[–]MrClueless777[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

When you shut her down (in front of her mom no less) she was backed into a corner.

Just to be clear, I pulled her aside in another room to tell her cut it out but i see BPP and your point.

Were you a drunk captain? Are you lifting?

I was a drunk captain. Been correcting this slowly the last 2-3 months. And I been lifting for a while now. In a million times better shape then i was a year ago. I've also been getting alot of compliments from other females, including her family and her friends. She has even made many snide jealous comments about the reactions I get. I know it's all shit testing and I been handling it better and better eachday.

[–]MrClueless777[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

You CANNOT undermine eachother in front of a child. You need to take that shit outside to deal with it... especially if in-laws are around. In-laws are literally more players on the chessboard.

I agree. In the past i've asked her to stop yelling in front of them. I've recognized this and made a conscious effort to stop. However, more recently, just like yesterday, it's her undermining me. This is what i'm trying to address.

[–]Griever1140 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I dont think you are at the point where you could have handled this. The reason i say that is, dealing with one harpy is bad enough... having the harpies mother there... you couldnt handle it.

[–]WhiteTrashKillerRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I don't know where this school of thought on parenting comes from. Some parents treat their children as if they are inferior life forms, when in fact they are the same as anyone else but they lack the life experience and cognitive decision making capabilities due to that lack of experience.

That is where you come in as a leader. A leader doesn't lead because he is expected too. He leads because he sees the problem and works it. That is all an effective leader is. He is a complex problem solver, an abstract thinker that can apply a thought process to fix a problem.

Continue to apply your brand of leadership and your children will follow. Maybe your wife too, maybe not! I can guarantee though, people of any age will follow those that give off a semblence of order, respect and a stoic attitude. If she doesn't follow so what, make her life miserable, by making yours awesome. Women in general are jealous creatures, she will not like you growing past her. That isn't your problem, it's hers. She can choose to be a part if an awesome journey or take the easy way out and be miserable jumping from relationship to relationship.....

Soldier on......

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

If there is one thing I can't stand it is some stupid bitch (male or female) screaming at their kids.

I believe it was my calmness that made her escalate

Nuh uh. She screams at you because she can. Is this her way of dealing with conflicts? Her family's way? You better put a stop to that shit or it will soon be your son's way.

If you can't do it for yourself, then for him. As much as it pains me to agree with anyone's MIL you two better learn how to present a united front. You should have waited to talk to her about the situation after it was over.

Someone has to remain calm, in control. Guess who? You.

[–]bogeyd6Mod / Red Militia1 point2 points  (10 children) | Copy

Probably the best course of action is to go back home so she can see your ultimatum was empty. Then apologize to her and beg her to forgive you. Only after hours of choreplay will she let you masturbate in the bathroom before you come to bed.

Ok, kidding, but seriously man. You do look and act like a jerk when that is your behavior. Why are you having these discussions and "talks"? Next you will tell us you made a spreadsheet to track them. The only reason she has this much power is because you let her. You are trying to MRP at the speed of light. This system here aint a cheat sheet to read off of.

Go home, don't argue, and when she goes to scream at you. A&A every single damn thing she says and sleep in your own fucking bed. What lifting program are you doing and how many years have you been reading the side bar?

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (6 children) | Copy

I knew we should have let that guy make his cheat sheet

[–]alphabeta49Red Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I disavow!

[–]bogeyd6Mod / Red Militia0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

It wasnt the most horrible thing a guy suggested.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Ha! I'll put that up there with the kid who said tattooing your woman was how a guy claimed her as his own.

Art of the apology.

Dear [woman]

Things were said, feels were had. I did not have sexual relations with that woman.

Regards, [your name here]

[–]Boesman120 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Is that boy still around. I need some explanations on some logistics from him.

Was thinking of getting my wife a tattoo so some guy with a beard and latex gloves can take ownership of her. No divorce rape at all. Except for paying for the damn tattoo.

[–]MrClueless777[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

A&A every single damn thing she says

she's going to love that.

What lifting program are you doing

StrongLifts

how many years have you been reading the side bar?

5 months about

[–]bogeyd6Mod / Red Militia1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Well go back and have a look at nmmng

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

she's going to love that.

you love a mother who doesn't yell at a 4 year old. we don't get what we want all the time.

[–]FearDearg2015Mod / Red Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

"I demand respect"

OK, so we know you can use your big boy words to say this, but how are you going to back it up? What are the consequences for her boundary violation? Don't set a boundary if you are not prepared to enforce it.

For your kids graduation, I think you did probably the best you could, given the generally high social pressure that was involved. You didnt completely lose your shit, and you kept your priorities straight.

But all the further "demands" for respect later are just reinforcing the message that you will allow her to walk all over you. She's getting off on taunting you now. She is making an equivalent demand of you, and she KNOWS she is gonna win that, because she is the prize, and because she has zero fear of losing you. She may even be trying to provoke you to leave.

[–]PurpleVeteranRed Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

It's ironic that you were trying to resolve your son's temper tantrum, when your wife started throwing her own. I think it's time to enforce some boundaries with both of them.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Take the kid, leave for the day. If she can't be arsed to be a good mom, not your problem, you're busy raising a toddler

While there's some in here who are great at raising kids (I am not) I am good at being a dick.

"Good mothers don't yell at 4 year olds, good mothers don't berate their childs father in front of them. I'm taking the kid to do family stuff, you and I are going to have a talk when we get home... After I put him to sleep, because thats what good parents do."

she's basically decided that her own emotions trump the needs of your child to have a healthy, masculine figure in his life, and to grow up as a man... Short of putting cigarettes out on him, I don't know how much reason one needs to nuke her bullshit.

Oh, and MIL? Hey margeret (I assume) When i see you raise a kid that doesn't yell at a 4 year old, you can tell me how to raise my kid, I'll handle mine, you go deal with yours, OK?


If it was her shitting all over you, thats one thing, in this case, two chicks are fucking your son up in slow time.

Granted, this doesn't have teeth if you aren't prepared to enforce... All I can see you having the ability to do is shut her out of some great father son time. It's gotta be easier to leave the house if you're taking him to the park, or ice cream, or around other moms at the park or some shit.

BTW, don't break eye contact on this. It's cheesy, but if you don't deliver this shit like you were going into the octagon, don't bother, because without some bass in that voice, a little gorilla in that posture, and a good old fashioned harrison ford finger of detirmination, she's going to call you on it, and it will be a bluff

[–]FearDearg2015Mod / Red Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Hey margeret (I assume) When i see you raise a kid that doesn't yell at a 4 year old, you can tell me how to raise my kid, I'll handle mine, you go deal with yours, OK?

Yeah, fuck you Margaret

[–]cj_aubreyRed Beret0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

I tell her this conversation is over until she can speak to me with respect.

If she continues screaming, you just contemptuously attack her for behaving like a child. Dismissively suggest that your kids tantrum behavior was learned from your wife. If the MIL chimes in, dismissively throw some at her about where your wife learned it from.

[–]SorcererKingMod / Red Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I'm a fan of the Fight Club Marla approach: "This conversation... is over." End of Line.

[–]nastynickdrRed Beret[🍰] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

You told her this, you told her that, then you told her about that other thing.

How about you talk to her even more. Talk, talk, talk, talk some more, tell her about all your feelings and tell her how you feel direspected. Then BAM! She realizes she is being a bitch and goes full respect and submissive mode for you, and you get a free enthuastic BJ every night! Just talk more!

[–]opening_eyes0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

If things have been going well up to this point, I doubt it was even you or the kid she was upset with (initially). Her mom is probably stirring up old shit in her and it manifested itself in this way. I am not saying a stronger leader wouldn't be immune to such a lashing, but I am saying a weaker woman (or man) is susceptible to caving in to darker emotions.

Ignore the attack. If your kid lashed out at you you wouldnt hold it over his head the next day. Bring it back to her bitch mom and lead her to realize herself that she lost her marbles due to mom. "Look, that wasnt like you and that wasnt like us. This isnt the first time i have seen some fireworks when your mom is around. What is up with you and her? "

[–]trpmarriedguy0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

It's her mom that enables it. You are afraid to nuke her behavior in public and in front of her mom. She knows it, so you'll can expect a full broadside every time her mom is around. My wife used to pull this shit too, until I just started shutting it down in front of her mom.

Just be strategic about it and don't press the issue until you are 100% sure you can win. If your wife has angry meltdowns in public, then don't take her to the side. Let her have the meltdown in front of everyone then publicly shame her in front of everyone: "I'm already dealing with one tantrum throwing child, please take your behavior elsewhere." If her mom steps in, turn the guns on her: "You raised her, so you deal with it."

Keep in mind that you can't really control your wife's behavior, but you can control the location. If your wife isn't behaving well, physically locate yourself and your son to somewhere else, preferably a location with witnesses. If she follows you around yelling, she looks batshit crazy and feel to throw in the phrase "verbally abusive."

[–][deleted] -1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

Things like this don't happen in a vacuum.

What's been going on lately?

How is the relationship with her mom and her?

Since you have this hoplite fucking frame you can tell us all about your recent boundaries.

You are a Pussy McFaggot

[–]fuckmrpRed Beret0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

If it weren't for his graduation i would have left but I couldn't do that to him.

Don't leave men behind enemy lines. No fucking excuses. If you have to leave cause shes acting like a cunt then take the kid with you.

She doesn't see you, she sees the beta bitch you've been. It's going to take more time, if at all, before she acknowledges any change.

[–]MrClueless777[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

She doesn't see you, she sees the beta bitch you've been. It's going to take more time, if at all, before she acknowledges any change.

ain't that the truth.



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