I'm posting this to introduce myself and to get perspective on my blind spots. I also wanted to say thank you MRP community, this place has led me out of a dark place in my life. That being said I believe the main event is happening, and It's happening quicker then I expected.
Here is some background: Married for 10 years have two kids in elementary school, i got married in my mid twenties, my wife is a few years younger then me. We were each others first. I come from a very religious close-knit family as did my wife. I was raised very beta, my mom ran the house hold. Joined the military to help pay for college and my eyes were opened to a world that was foreign to me. It was my first inkling of Red Pill and how the world really works. I stopped being religious as i didn't believe any more, my wife is still somewhat religious.
Anyway got married in college and i was with my one and only soul mate in the world. (oneitis all the way)
After graduating college and landing a good job, we decided to start raising kids. Wife quit her job when our first child was born. During pregnancy and after birth, I cringe at how I interacted with her and became completely beta. Gave her lots of space and hid my sexual desire because it was expected of me. After the birth of our second child, our struggling sex life ceased to exist. What did i do? I became even more beta at home and talked and talked, we went to counselors.. Sex started to trickle back, but barely. I became depressed and let myself go. I threw myself at work as it was the only thing that i could understand, My wife took care of most things at the house, i took care of making money (beta bucks).
I was not happy in the marriage, I lurked at /r/deadbedrooms for a couple of years. but was starting to realize that people there were not progressing.
10 months ago come across a post about MMSLP. I read it and started to implement the advice in it. LOL! The turn around was mind boggling. Sex was back on the table. Started lifting again, counting calories, shedding weight, dressing better, cut back from long hours at work and reconnected with friends.
The realization hit that I wasn't attractive to her anymore. The "yes she does like sex just not with me" was crushing and liberating at the same time. I could fix our marriage! I could fix her desire. (Ha! Fuck you Low Libido). I was still completely in her frame and everything i did, I did for her.. It was a huge covert contract. Big surprise sex started to taper off again.
4 months ago I came across BluepillProfessors youtube videos and that led me to MarriedRedPill. A lot of things that I didn't understand started to make sense. I decided to swallow the pill. I read the side bar, started with NMMNG, WISNIFG, MAP, read most of Rollo's posts (fuck me), The Family Alpha's blog, lurking here and even went back to find posts that i could relate with. Read the Way of the Superior Man and Extreme Ownership.
The biggest change for me was i'm doing this for me. I'm the prize, I need to self improve because i'm worth it. I'm going to become a better man, with or without the wife. I stopped worrying about if i got sex or not. I stopped asking for her permission for every little thing. I started to make changes, started to remove the most obvious red items in my MAP. I took over finances. Made a budget, presented to wife and implemented. Turned negative 200 dollars a month to 400 in savings.I started cooking healthy dinners for the family, fixing things around the house, passing shit tests, Lifting was already happening, but i added two more days a week of sprinting, pull-ups / push-ups. I Play a sport with a local league and get out of the house once a week to do activities with friends. I'm coaching sports for my kids, started to do most of the cleaning in the house, and doing the kids laundry if needed (I have always done my own laundry). If I saw a need or something that I didn't like, I took care of it. Planned multiple camping trips this summer and have taken care of every detail of it. I was the solid oak during her grand father's death two months ago. Took care of travel, hotel arrangements, meals and kids.
Started doing more kino, 10 second kiss, and escalating throughout the day. If I got a hard no, "ok" and I would hit the gym or just be somewhere else. If she was into it and has multiple orgasms, great! If not and starfish was offered, I would go cave man. I did what I felt like and pushed boundaries. If she complained about being sore the next day, I would tell her "you're welcome".
Crazy thing? I've been getting unsolicited blow jobs and was offered anal. Never happened before.
Cue the rumblings of the main event?
I had a 4 day vacation planned to meet with my family this last weekend that required a lot of driving. On the way up, My younger brother became incapacitated probably for life. Made arrangements for the wife and kids to play at a park while I meet with my mom at the hospital. It was heart breaking to see him like that. My mom was understandably very emotional. I was solid oak and even joked a little with my brother. He finally told us that he's sorry he let the family down and doesn't know how he can pay back what he owes. (he had some school loans left).
Afterwards I took the family to the vacation spot, and laid out the activities that I planned and left with the wife watching the kids. My older brother and I went back and visited my mom at the hospital. On the way down we decided that we will split whats left on my brother's school loan and pay it off. So we did. I had some money I was saving for a truck (nice to have, but not needed), and would only set me back a year.
At some point my mom told my wife thank you for letting me pay off my brothers debt. :)
After the vacation, and on our long drive back home I get blindsided with it.
Her: "Do you want to be married with kids? Do you regret getting married? Do you want to be like your older brother living the high life"?
Me: No, I love having my family. (smiled and pat on her thigh).
Her: "Why didn't you let me help decide to pay the school loans?"
Me: "There was a need and i took care of it."
Her: "That was big decision to make all by yourself! Do you not trust me?"
Me: "Trust had nothing to do with it, there was a need and i took care of it."
Her: "We are equal partners in this relationship! I always come to you with big money decisions. I'm credibly hurt and feel disrespected."
Me: "I understand you feel hurt and disrespected, but there was a need and i took care of it."
Her: "I try my best in our marriage. I don't understand what has gotten into you. I don't know how we got here. What are we DOING?!? (starting to cry at this point)"
Me: "I'm working on improving myself, I have been slacking in our marriage. Thank you for the hard work you have done, taking care of things when i was absent. I'm going to lead this family to a better place."
At this point I STFU as i realized that its probably too soon for this kind of a talk.
she went into a crying/pitiful voice tirade:
Her: "I don't need to be LED! i'm not a dog, and i'm not taking this laying down! We are Equals in this relationship. I cannot be in a marriage like this! How would you feel if I went spent a bunch of money without telling you. Remember how much trouble your dad got into when he spent alot of money and didn't tell your mom? This isn't how our marriage should work. we are equal partners! We agreed that I would stop my career and SAHM for the kids! Do you want me to go back to work and you will have to EQUALLY drop off and pick up kids from school? Why don't you open up to me anymore? Fine! I'm not talking to you either."
I just pictured a 5 year old ranting. I stayed stoic for the remainder of the trip.
This evening she informed me that she is going to a marriage counselor at church and wants me to go, which I promptly told her I won't be coming.
So there it is. I still have a long ways to go. I hadn't planned on this happening so soon, lay it on me MRP, and don't hold back.