I was drawn into what I believed was a comfort test a few days back and it quickly turned into a shit test. I've had this happen before pre red pill but found myself struggling a bit here still.
So I've been holding frame better, retracting time and affection when given hard no's for sex, and I believe it was getting to her (some success right?). It definately has not turned around the lack of passion (wanting me to fuck her) , and the frequency has only slightly increased (which I attribute to me closing all the time) but that's not the point of this. The point is we were both just standing there in an embrace as we do from time to time and she starts crying, saying that she feels like she's in a rutt, that there's something wrong with our relationship, that we don't do things together. There's a lot of "I feel" and "we" words so I'm thinking comfort test. I hold her, offer words of encouragement that we as a family are all going out and doing out Christmas traditions together, and try to lighten the mood with a joke here and there, which she laughs to.
Then suddenly it turns hard. She counters with "Yeah but those are all family things, we don't do things together, and I feel like you just want me for sex." (Notice the you's start flying). I respond that if I only wanted her for sex I wouldn't be doing family things and bought a house with her, etc.) A few more "you's" and accusations fly out and I respond with silence. After about 20 seconds she prods for a response and I say "look, I'm not going to sit in the defendants chair here, I'm just not. I have tried to take you to activities with me..." and she let's loose (in a condescending, your activities are a joke tone) "like what, rock climbing?" I immediately reply with a simple "Ok" and walk away. As in ok I'm not going to talk to you when you act like that.
She then has the balls to say "see I'm trying to talk to you and you do that". I go downstairs.
Overall I give myself a C for this. I realized I wasn't thinking on my feet even as it was happening, and although I didn't get sucked into an argument which I would have inevitably been on the defensive, I still didn't swat it away as well as I could have. My question is, it's much easier to swat away shit tests when they are just that. But when she starts with what looks like a need for comfort, then tries to stab you in the back, and the tone is practically 'here I was wanting comfort and just because I took a cheap shot you're walking away how could you?' You know, as I write it out it really does seem like I responded correctly...but something about the confrontation isn't sitting right with me and I don't know what it is...opinions?