Background: So, I had a major trauma as a kid that removed my dad from my life. Had no strong father figures. Never even tried to figure out alpha, beta or any of that stuff. I was an basement level uber nerd that was homeschooled. Even worse, I never
had it in my brain to date or anything. I had porn. Also, I have ADHD which I never treated until recently.
Eventually, I moved out and met my wife and had major one-itis. Love at first sight, Disney style, one-itis. Never had another serious relationship one-itis. If MPR is Red Pill Hard Mode, I'm in Nightmare+ mode from lack of experience.
She has her own issues. Divorced parents where her dad blamed my wife to her face for the divorce. She has obsessive eating and is overweight so she has very low self esteem about herself. Been in therapy for major depression and OCD since high-school so she is well-versed in emotional lingo and has always won the beta fights with her nuanced "feelz". She consistantly has health issues: minor colds take her completely out for 2 weeks, headaches all the time, major digestive issues, and a much harsher emotional PMS cycle. She has never kept a recent full-time job without major FMLA paperwork preventing her boss from firing her for calling in sick past the job's sick day policy.
I looked past her issues because I thought that stuff didn't matter when you were in love. Queue the 13 years of misery (9 married) where I became her child and the only way she was happy was when I gave in on everything and when I wasn't fucking up in her eyes. We had two kids and they are awesome.
Then I found Married Red Pill.
I've been trying to pass shit tests but I haven't found consistant success. I've been lifting, reading and trying to assert my boundries. I'm taking pills for ADHD. I'm fit, make money and have been working really hard to take care of my shit. I KNOW my SMV is much higher than hers.
Before marriage, we at least had sex twice a month and it was good. Now we currently have passionless sex once every other month if I'm lucky and have submitted to her every whim. My goal after careful meditation and reading NMMNG is to eventually have sex with her at least once a week.
When I try the techniques like AA, or A&A, or even fogging and she calls me on it directly. For example, the other day she told me "I am not impressed with that macho shit." when I tried to AA. When I use A&A, she says "I fell in love with the sweet man way back, not this." When I fog, she acts mopey for days and accuses me of not understanding her. When I initiate, she either gives me a hard no, or starts crying (comfort test) when I try to connect emotionally with the E in DEVI? If I comfort her, there's no sex.
The last time she cried which was a turn off and frankly, I didn't want to comfort her, I said, "Nope, next time." but she pulled me back and had sex. Later she threatened me with not being "vulernable" with her, the sex was awful for her, and that's what's attractive to her. I STFU.
She's constantly using high-level, well read emotional verbage when she shit tests.
Here's my problem:
- I feel her therapist is essentailly giving her my RP strategy. Any advice for someone where the woman has an anti-RP therapist?
- She gives me a "hard no" any time I initiate sex masculinely. I seem to have success when I approach from a beta, "sweet" angle. I don't want sweet sex, I want passionate, interesting sex! What do I need to do?
- I'm worried about her depression and hard Dread. We have two kids to take care of and when I set hard boundries or even touch on hard Dread, she gets depressed and stops taking care of the kids but the very basics. Should I step up Dread when I know her idea of a shit test is months of depression? Do I not give a fuck when the care of my children are involved? Should I just say "Fuck it!", get a divorce, take the kids and hire a maid?
Edit: Thanks for the replies. I did read that divorce is worse than marriage, but I'm definately going to up the Dread game (as per the 12 Stages of Dread) and talk with a lawyer what's admissable in court for the evidence re: kid care.