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Wife With Real Mental Issues + Feminist Anti-RP Therapist vs. Aspiring RP Husband

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September 11, 2015
9 upvotes

Background: So, I had a major trauma as a kid that removed my dad from my life. Had no strong father figures. Never even tried to figure out alpha, beta or any of that stuff. I was an basement level uber nerd that was homeschooled. Even worse, I never

had it in my brain to date or anything. I had porn. Also, I have ADHD which I never treated until recently.

Eventually, I moved out and met my wife and had major one-itis. Love at first sight, Disney style, one-itis. Never had another serious relationship one-itis. If MPR is Red Pill Hard Mode, I'm in Nightmare+ mode from lack of experience.

She has her own issues. Divorced parents where her dad blamed my wife to her face for the divorce. She has obsessive eating and is overweight so she has very low self esteem about herself. Been in therapy for major depression and OCD since high-school so she is well-versed in emotional lingo and has always won the beta fights with her nuanced "feelz". She consistantly has health issues: minor colds take her completely out for 2 weeks, headaches all the time, major digestive issues, and a much harsher emotional PMS cycle. She has never kept a recent full-time job without major FMLA paperwork preventing her boss from firing her for calling in sick past the job's sick day policy.

I looked past her issues because I thought that stuff didn't matter when you were in love. Queue the 13 years of misery (9 married) where I became her child and the only way she was happy was when I gave in on everything and when I wasn't fucking up in her eyes. We had two kids and they are awesome.

Then I found Married Red Pill.

I've been trying to pass shit tests but I haven't found consistant success. I've been lifting, reading and trying to assert my boundries. I'm taking pills for ADHD. I'm fit, make money and have been working really hard to take care of my shit. I KNOW my SMV is much higher than hers.

Before marriage, we at least had sex twice a month and it was good. Now we currently have passionless sex once every other month if I'm lucky and have submitted to her every whim. My goal after careful meditation and reading NMMNG is to eventually have sex with her at least once a week.

When I try the techniques like AA, or A&A, or even fogging and she calls me on it directly. For example, the other day she told me "I am not impressed with that macho shit." when I tried to AA. When I use A&A, she says "I fell in love with the sweet man way back, not this." When I fog, she acts mopey for days and accuses me of not understanding her. When I initiate, she either gives me a hard no, or starts crying (comfort test) when I try to connect emotionally with the E in DEVI? If I comfort her, there's no sex.

The last time she cried which was a turn off and frankly, I didn't want to comfort her, I said, "Nope, next time." but she pulled me back and had sex. Later she threatened me with not being "vulernable" with her, the sex was awful for her, and that's what's attractive to her. I STFU.

She's constantly using high-level, well read emotional verbage when she shit tests.

Here's my problem:

  • I feel her therapist is essentailly giving her my RP strategy. Any advice for someone where the woman has an anti-RP therapist?
  • She gives me a "hard no" any time I initiate sex masculinely. I seem to have success when I approach from a beta, "sweet" angle. I don't want sweet sex, I want passionate, interesting sex! What do I need to do?
  • I'm worried about her depression and hard Dread. We have two kids to take care of and when I set hard boundries or even touch on hard Dread, she gets depressed and stops taking care of the kids but the very basics. Should I step up Dread when I know her idea of a shit test is months of depression? Do I not give a fuck when the care of my children are involved? Should I just say "Fuck it!", get a divorce, take the kids and hire a maid?

Edit: Thanks for the replies. I did read that divorce is worse than marriage, but I'm definately going to up the Dread game (as per the 12 Stages of Dread) and talk with a lawyer what's admissable in court for the evidence re: kid care.


Post Information
Title Wife With Real Mental Issues + Feminist Anti-RP Therapist vs. Aspiring RP Husband
Author ProbablyVictimPuke
Upvotes 9
Comments 18
Date 11 September 2015 08:14 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/208106
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/3kl2o4/wife_with_real_mental_issues_feminist_antirp/
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[–]SorcererKingMod / Red Beret11 points12 points  (0 children) | Copy

Yeah, normally we try to give more constructive advice on here, but fuck it... next her. Talk to an attorney and find the cleanest way out.

[–][deleted] 9 points10 points  (0 children) | Copy

If I comfort her, there's no sex. The last time she cried which was a turn off and frankly, I didn't want to comfort her, I said, "Nope, next time." but she pulled me back and had sex.

So, what did we learn here?

I get that there are "complicating factors" you want to put out there.

She sees her therapist once a week or less? She sees you all the time. If you feel you've got competition here, you need to take the mindset of "No , I don't, this guy is a hobbyist that doesn't have to live with her when she 'follows his advice'".

She can talk all she wants.

She can spew whatever philosophy or accusations during this that she wants. Go back up to what I quoted above and what do her actions tell you?

Where has taking what she says at face value gotten you?

Where has being in charge of her mental health and emotional well being ...cost you?

She's ultimately responsible for her own happiness. You can seek to improve yourself, not put up with bullshit and she could see that she'll lose her packmule-wallet-emotional-tampon-therapy-bag and seek to find another. OK. That's not your problem either.

Put on your biker jacket that says "If you can read this, the bitch fell off the back."

Care about you and your needs. You've put hers on a pedestal for too long.

If you need to,

if you can muster it: Get angry.

You have a lot to be angry about. Anger can be a great catalyst to break your captive therapist mindset. Let that anger fuel you sense of I.D.G.A.F. and take it out on the weights.

Later you can OWN that you got yourself here.

Later on you can meditate like Buddha and heal the world including her around you.

Ug, one last thing:

I seem to have success when I approach from a beta, "sweet" angle.

She wants you to be the trained lap dog that she occasionally throws a bone to. Keep those manly, aggressive feelings suppressed beta! Yuck. If she wants to be a lesbian and have an emotional-bottom partner she just needs to come out of the closet. You're a man now pulling his tucked pee-pee out from his scrotum and looking for a woman.

[–]Glennus62610 points11 points  (4 children) | Copy

There's so much wrong with her side, I wouldn't even be concerned with fucking her all that often, to be honest.

Mental issues? Check

History of drama and dependence? Check

OVERWEIGHT? Check

entitled, feminist mumbo jumbo? Check

Remember, YOU are the prize, not her. I would say the only thing keeping you there, are the kids, and that is easily remedied.

Based on her history of milking jobs out of paid sick leave and gaming that system, she will have zero problem plying her sob story to a judge so that she gets the kids and an all expense paid life of vaginamony and child support from you.

I would talk to a few lawyers, see what it's like in your state, and prepare yourself for a life without her. She doesn't even sound like she's that great with the kids. Keep lifting, keep improving your SMV (EVEN THOUGH you think yours is higher than hers), and the dread game may eventually work to cause a 180 in her. If you met her again now and she only had that feminazi garbage to spew, you'd hard next her without question. Why put up with her for the rest of your life?

[–]blarggggggggggg4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

Does she do much to care for the kids or does she lay around all day?

Start documenting now EVERYTHING you do for child care so you are prepared to push for full custody.

[–]blarggggggggggg4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy

Also, check out the /r/bpdlovedones forum and read the book linked there "Stop Walking on Eggshells".

Given the toxic shame instilled in her at childhood and her psychosomatic health issues it's quite possible she is a BPD waif and you may have codependent tendencies.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

No kidding. The expert manipulation is classic BPD.

[–]itstartstoday1233 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

Just as a bit of advice. Those who have been through the system if psychiatry, especially long term, know how to manipulate better than an average woman. Their reality is based off what most people never consider to be normal. Of course they have times of absolute Lucid tranquil mindsets. But as someone who married someone with similar extremes I am telling you that their normal is not what mist people consider for more than fleeting moments as a mindset to operate from. Their highs are higher and there lows are lower. They are not normal and the middle ground that most people operate in is what seems crazy and hostile to them. You will have to be better than most newbies for a while due to that. Commit to this 100% or quit and go home.

"I am not impressed with that macho shit."

Look how she us acting.... Macho..... A take no shit attitude. What she is really saying is that she doesn't want anyone to be the boss but her. That's where you have got her. This isn't about being the boss. This is about you being a man that is gonna be awesome, masculine and doesn't give a shit what she wants until she figures out that you don't actually need her. You want her only if she stops fighting you and who you should be.

Think of it this way. If she does not like you for who you should be, then she doesn't like you. Why would any Man give a shit about what a woman wants unless they are a great addition to their life. Why would you give a shit about a woman who doesn't allow you to be you? Why would you like her if she treats you like she hates you? Would you have married Her knowing what you know Now.

She either likes you(masculine you) or you will have to find someone that isn't trying to bring your happiness to a screeching halt due to her feeling the need to play the victim card the rest if her life.

So keep going and Fuck other paths. Especially the naggy, harpy, bitching, no sex getting path your on Now.

[–]BluepillProfessorMod / Red Beret4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

I've been trying to pass shit tests but I haven't found consistant success.

Usually you pass by shutting the fuck up. What's the problem?

when I try to connect emotionally with the E in DEVI? If I comfort her, there's no sex.

Because you are trying to connect emotionally as her CHILD, not her protector.

Any advice for someone where the woman has an anti-RP therapist?

Get another therapist- or better yet, own your shit and stop it. Marriage therapy is rarely recommended on MRP because it usually consists of the man giving a bat to two women and then standing there while they take swings at his balls. "Therapy" consists of teaching the man to squeeze his balls tightly to the blows are more effective. Run from this therapist!

Should I step up Dread when I know her idea of a shit test is months of depression?

You have to calibrate the Dread to your wife's emotional state. I think this is what is happening. You are chained by honor and history and every time you get a little wiggle room your wife throws a hissy shit fit. Then you get drawn into her frame and you fail the test.

she threatened me with not being "vulernable" with her, the sex was awful for her, and that's what's attractive to her.

Ha Ha! OK sweetheart. I am sure it makes your wife all gooey and slippery inside when you are "vulnerable."

Acta non verba.

Watch what they do not what they say.

I fell in love with the sweet man way back, not this.

Sure she did! That is why she is fucking you 3 ways from Sunday, right? That is why she is sweet and happy when you are around. That is why she almost never shit tests. That is why she is so passionate about her husband. Sure. Watch what they DO, not what they SAY.

What is happening is an insecure, bitchy, sex denying, harpy screechtard is TERRIFIED that he man is showing some backbone because then she might lose some control that she has cultivated so carefully.

Look at you! She has a husband who is a total pussy who walks around her on eggshells. She has a husband an unattractive/pathetic little sycophant who lets her call in sick, who lets her not work, who rescues her no matter how badly she treats him, who takes it while the therapist slams him over and over again.

The last time she cried which was a turn off and frankly, I didn't want to comfort her, I said, "Nope, next time." but she pulled me back and had sex

Watch what they do, not what they say.

Now we currently have passionless sex once every other month if I'm lucky and have submitted to her every whim.

That is just painful to read.

Do I not give a fuck when the care of my children are involved?

Are you serious? Is this a man who is the head of his family talking? MY God! I am horrified that you wrote this and even more horrified that you seem to think that is what MRP suggests. It is not.

This is what I would do:

  1. STOP going to the therapist or at least find one that is open to a man being a man rather than using all their skills to emasculate you.

  2. START being a man. STOP reacting to her. Initiate sex regularly- not once every other month. When she denies, IGNORE HER. DO NOT BE MANIPULATED. Your time and affection is your currency. Her pussy is hers. You need to build the association in her mind that she has to give up the golden uterus before she gets any affection or attention. Do NOT tell her this directly but build the connection over the next few months- and don't stop Instigating, Isolating and Escalating until she gives a hard no. Then go into Monk mode and ignore. If she won't shut up, leave.

  3. The issue of the children- I mean, who knew that women use children as hostages- is much more difficult. We always say put yourself first, but if you think that you unplugging could affect your wife so that it endangers the children I think you are sadly mistaken. Can a family member help to make sure the kids are safe and fed? You have identified a serious problem. Now what are you going to do about it besides whining in a blog post? This is the big leagues and you need to solve this pressing problem now.

So...yes I would up the dread. NOT to active Dread but how about starting at level 1-2. Study Shit Tests, begin to respond to them correctly, lift weights 3 times a week. In a month, call a buddy and arrange 1 night a week out without your wife (Dread Level 3).

Finally, NOTHING is going to change until you realize that you can do better than this bullshit.

[–]IWillHandleIt4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

There's a lot going on here. If you married someone messed up, it's a guarantee that you're messed up too. I agree with the other poster who said you are likely a codependent.

The most important thing you need to do is fix your own shit. If you think just getting a divorce is going fix everything, you're wrong. You might be rid of her shit, but it won't fix your shit. One of the most popular books on codependency is called Codependent No More. You should get read and absorb that book. NMMNG hits on some of the same topics. I recommend you read them both.

A big part of her behaviors are a result of your reinforcement of them. What you've been doing isn't working. So STOP! This will take a lot of work -- but keep asking yourself, "What do I want?" Get the word no in your vocabulary. And don't listen to what she says, watch what she does!

"I am not impressed with that macho shit."

If my wife said that to me, my response would be, "Yeah you're not..." And keep right on going with "that macho shit."

"I fell in love with the sweet man way back, not this."

"Yeah ya did." smile. Maybe a light tap on the ass.

I feel her therapist is essentailly giving her my RP strategy. Any advice for someone where the woman has an anti-RP therapist?

So? Keep doing what you're doing.

I don't want sweet sex, I want passionate, interesting sex! What do I need to do?

Quote from NMMNG, "By settling for bad sex, nice guys ensure they won't have much good sex." Stop settling for bad sex. If it's not what you want, be prepared to walk away. And remember that you just turned down bad sex when you do. Prepare for this and embrace it. Self-talk, "No more bad sex for me."

I'm worried about her depression and hard Dread. We have two kids to take care of and when I set hard boundaries or even touch on hard Dread, she gets depressed and stops taking care of the kids but the very basics.

That doesn't sound like depression. That sounds like she's being a spoiled-brat-pain-in-the-ass. Treat her like the least responsible kid in the house, because she is. You control what you can. Take the best care of the kids you can. You can't control her; don't try.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

How are you building you? I don't read much other than parlour tricks here.

Tbh, if she's as bad as she sounds, you should work on you... I doubt you'll find a reason to keep her... Dead weight and excuses.

Either way, you need to fix you, because you don't have a change to fix that train wreck... Especially when you can't even hold frame

Ignore everything she does, everything she says. The only use she is now is a vagina, and if you get a no? Then no point giving her attention.

[–]SepeanRed Beret2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

I KNOW my SMV is much higher than hers.

Next her. It'll be much better. Divorce is something lots of people live through, and you have the TRP/MRP playbook now. Spin plates, and if you like after a while you can settle down with one of them.

[–]blarggggggggggg1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Maybe try a sex moratorium for 6 months and just focus on yourself. No point in approaching from beta angle if the sex that results is infrequent and unsatisfying. Check out Married Man Sex Life Primer if you haven't yet. Change takes time.

It sounds like she has extreme psychological issues - ask yourself if you want to live with this type of person the rest of your life.

AM and A&A are failing but sounds like fogging is working. She acts mopey and accuses you of not understanding her, which is her attempt to change the conversation and subject away from whatever point you were trying to make and her uncomfortable feelings, instead trying to bait you into defending yourself from her accusations and derail the topic.

[–]ford_contourRed Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

You're trying to win with parlor tricks.

You need to grow into an Oak. You can lose and lose and lose, as long as you become that dependable oak by the finish line.

Parlor tricks and trying to win can and may hurt your wife and kids. Becoming a stoic oak who doesn't reinforce their bad behaviours will benefit them.

You might benefit them as your wife's ex. In fact, per Dale Carnegie's "How to stop worrying" you need to plan on it. Trek yourself she's going to divorce you and try to take the house and the kids. Figure out how to grow into the father your kids need in that worst case future world.

Since there are kids involved, your penis needs to get ready for monk mode. It helps you be ready to be single again, and it takes a whole set of distractions out of play. Get better at masturbating in private and save sex with your wife for when it's ready to be a positive connection between you instead of a source of manipulation. Don't deny her sex when you both want it, but stop seeking it until you've got your frame figured out.

For almost everything else you wife is saying and doing, shut up and lift. Be kind. Make lots of beta concessions, but mentally realize when you're doing so. Remember, you're not seeking sex right now, so it doesn't matter, but you won't be in monk mode forever, so it will matter someday.

You're seeking self improvement, and beta concessions don't reduce you unless you let them. You're at the bottom, so you're not losing ground - and there is no front to lose. RP teaches us that if I do something pathetically beta later today, and my wife will see me exactly as your wife sees you now.

You need to read "When I say no I feel guilty." It literally has a long painful example of using fogging in the face of someone who calls you out for using fogging. The whole point is that it doesn't matter that they know you're doing it, because you're gently expressing your opinion and your intentions which you have an unalienable right to have.

Anyone who recognizes your fogging could also recognize that fogging is only worth doing to someone who isn't playing my normal rules of human social interaction, but probably won't. Doesn't matter. Use the tools you need.

Stay gentle. Stay kind. Do and say only thing you week be proud of. Prepare diligently for the worst (usually divorce). Be an immovable beacon of gentle rational behavior.

And just get out of the house when you need to.



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