Thanks all in advance for the insights. About 2 months in and still grappling with my frame vs. hairtrigger anger phase. Had some buddies over in the afternoon with plans for the group to all head over to a BBQ later that night, with the wife included. I normally don't pay much attention to wife's trivial shopping habits but she emerges from getting dressed and mentions in passing in front of my buddies that she was "having a shoe crisis" and was off to buy sandals or whatever the fuck for the BBQ later. Wife has a closet spiked with more shoes than a slutty heiress and my annoyance with her frivolity in that instant prompted me to growl at her that she was fucking crazy and to cut the shit. Of course beta friends go silent to the sounds of crickets chirping. Wife kind of snidely states Uhm, Ok? and walks off. After buddies leave she huffs out looks me dead in the eye, all puffed up with deepened voice and tells me "You will not ever dress me down in front of other people again. I don't publicly humiliate you and I have an expectation of reciprocated respect. Are we crystal fucking clear? Oh and by the way, with the shoes, I wasn't asking your permission." Dayum.

Completely caught off guard. I was expecting a shitstorm tantrum from an overgrown child about shopping and her frame caught me off guard and I fucking dropped the ball and defaulted to apology. Fast forward an hour and she's back from her life or death shoe crusade. I'm expecting a fuckton of passive aggressive bullshit so I don't bother getting ready, as I assume she's in full bitch mode and I was in a pretty fucking foul mood myself at this point from going full frontal beta backslide earlier.

Here comes the mind fuck. She pleasantly approaches me like nothing had happened and diplomatically suggests I might want to throw on jeans for the party. I cracked a stupid sheepish joke about where all her piss and vinegar went and she just laughed and said "Shit's been addressed. It's all good."

I'm at a loss for the correct go to with this kind of straightforward almost manly shit test. I've never seen this before from her. I'm slow to churn out the condescending one liners when the shit hits the fan and definitely have room for improvement. I'd be grateful to see how the MRP masters here might have fielded this. Also, am I being conspiratorial to conclude that her lack of passive aggressive behavior afterward is some kind of tactical power play? Or am I looking a gift horse in the mouth?