Be willing to walk away.

Billybob25112 · 2014-09-10T11:24:42+00:00

The thing I find most curious about relationships is just how clueless most men are in regards to how much power they actually have. As soon as you become outcome independent, everything will change overnight provided you hold frame. I'd go as far as to say the first lesson people who come here for the first time should be taught is this, because unless you're willing to walk away then nothing you learn here will be of use.

loin_fruit · 2014-09-10T15:48:42+00:00

This is why marriage is so dangerous. Men control commitment. When you marry a girl, she still controls sex but you have basically lost your control of commitment. You could of course file for a divorce, but with the current system that'd mean financial suicide.

cagethepepper · 2014-09-10T15:35:31+00:00

I've been thinking the same thing.

It's like England being the slightly overweight wife who has been spending her husband's (Scotland) money on overly expensive shoes and he's had enough. First the wife says "Nobody will love you like I do out there! You'll be nothing without me!"

Scotland packs his bags, ready to leave. Suddenly England starts begging. "No, wait, let's talk this through. Come on, babe. I love you, come on. We can do this."

Vote Yes.

throwingwater · 2014-09-10T13:27:54+00:00

I've noticed a lot of people fall into the sunk cost fallacy with relationships where they've invested so much emotion and time so they might as well continue trying. Realistically speaking, it just doesn't make sense to keep trying if it doesn't work anymore just because you had some good times in the past since the past is in the past.

Polishrifle · 2014-09-10T11:51:19+00:00

Always be ready to take the L.

ytismylife · 2014-09-10T12:45:36+00:00

The strongest negotiating position is being able to walk away and mean it.

pick-a-spot · 2014-09-10T13:52:48+00:00

Am a Londoner and the initial reaction from everyone around me was fairly interesting;

From a blend of emotional anger 'how stupid', 'how are they going to cope','good luck with your tuition fee's and joining NATO',

to

'shit, what about the oil money', 'the tories will have more power', 'noooo, we're stronger together', 'please explain your plan and how you are guaranteed to succeed..so we can try to poke holes in it'

I was pretty surprised because I admit I knew next to nothing about Scotland and was wondering how everyone around me is a Scholar on the topic and knows enough to warrant such emotion.

I find it pretty hilarious this issue gained momentum after the arab spring. There we were talking about free choice, democracy and choosing your own government and then the Scot's put their hands up and said 'us too thanks!'. And Downing Street thought bollocks.

FitVaper · 2014-09-10T16:41:14+00:00

Thanks for writing this, I just broke up with my gf because she lied to me. I didn't caught her cheating but the fact that she lied to me where she was... Was more than enough for not to trust her. A friend told me "hey, I just saw your gf" and I said to him "no way, she's at college right now!", turns out, she wasn't.

H42 · 2014-09-10T19:07:55+00:00

I'd like to see Texas and Alaska leave the USA.

The hallmark of a truly free society is the ability to leave it.

RPM01 · 2014-09-10T16:48:47+00:00

I believe I can't post links here, so I'll quote a relevant comment by /u/Cyralea essentially stating the same:

When entering any bargaining situation, if you can't bring yourself to legitimately walk away, you carry no power. The other party has power over you because of this.

Gotta set those boundaries and be willing to execute. Chicks are dime a dozen, why the hell would you stick by one that treats you like shit for so long when there are higher qualities girls out there? The only reason is if you honestly don't think you can get another girl.

Power is such an important subject in life, yet very few people truly understand it, which is very fortunate for the ones that do.

[deleted] · 2014-09-10T20:15:57+00:00

William Wallace would be proud.

Lt_Muffintoes · 2014-09-10T11:49:32+00:00

I was thinking about this today actually. Why do people down here give a shit if Scotland secedes? I'm left scratching my head at their fervour.

I can tell you what Scotland should do, what it's going to do, and what's going to happen to it, but I'm baffled at the English response.

l0ng_time_lurker · 2014-09-10T15:02:08+00:00

Scotland: dreadgame to the max or already out the door ? We´ll have to wait for the 18th...

like_a_ghost · 2014-09-10T17:49:01+00:00

I utilize this power way to often. I bail as soon as relationships start to get rough or require a lot of effort. Sometimes I regret leaving, but I've already left and can't go back so...on to the next one.

ohhaio · 2014-09-10T20:30:50+00:00

Just to pile on a bit... if we think about relationships as an economic exchange (which TRP teaches us is the case) then we should automatically apply basic negotiation game theory to every interaction.

So, yeah (duh) if you have a walk-away alternative ("BATNA" in the lingo) then automatically you have a stronger negotiating position.

the_red_scimitar · 2014-09-10T22:39:36+00:00

Yeah, but that last sentence isn't so true in interpersonal relationships. You present it a bit as a game to see if the other person wants you, and imply that if they do, you'll have them back.

In relationships, you don't walk just as a game. If you walk, you, as Patrice says, "take the L" and move on.

I never use "I'll walk" as a dread tactic. If I say it, I give the conditions for it, and if those occur, I'm out, period.

It's almost always followed by an intense effort to get me back, usually feigning ignorance of the reasons for leaving, despite them having been told. An example is women who like the "break up". I take that seriously, and I won't have that as a shit test. If somebody says they've broken up with me (or anything equivalent), I'm absolutely done with them, and let them know, including that I won't accept any ultimata.

Your frame is far more important than any single relationship.

phe_nom · 2014-09-11T01:34:29+00:00

Agreed, but there is more to it. Not only do you have to be willing to walk away, she has to KNOW you will walk away. As soon as she knows you will not walk away, she wins. Period.

Never be afraid to take the L. It is your only nuclear option, and if she knows you will take it, she WONT.

whitey_male · 2014-09-10T17:39:46+00:00

If it leaves them better off go for it. So much parasitic behaviour coming from rich white people these days. Just print money like hell, lend it to people like the Scots and make them work their guts out for it.

Youbetripping · 2014-09-10T18:35:53+00:00

I want Scotland to stay with us as it won't be Great Britain without our Scottish brothers.

like_a_ghost · 2014-09-10T16:56:25+00:00

No, NO, NO! This is horrible advice. This sounds like a teenage girl begging for attention from her classmates by threatening suicide. You can't make your partner want you more just by threatening to leave. If you want your partner to want you, you have to make yourself desirable.

Title	Be willing to walk away.
Author	Here2lrn
Upvotes	215
Comments	80
Date	September 10, 2014 10:48 AM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/TheRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/2fztoj/be_willing_to_walk_away/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/TheRedPill/be-willing-to-walk-away.20845 https://theredarchive.com/post/20845

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