I had an original post about a victim puke (whining like a bitch about sex and sexual denials) and got some great advice on here and got blasted. For reference: https://www.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/ad5w1b/rebuilding_attraction_with_wife/
Here is an update. I took a lot of the advice on here and I noticed a pretty fast turn around with my wife. About 2 weeks after this post and straightening my life up, the sex came thundering back. Five times in a week (twice in one day). Then it tapered off for a few days (she said she was sore... ha!). Then, again the following weekend.
As I said in my earlier post, we started attending marriage therapy sessions. Last Monday, we went to our scheduled session (they are about every 2-3 weeks), and she unloaded in the session that her desire for me is up & down (mostly down). From a red pill standpoint, I get that and know why. I just sat there and listened. It came out that she was really angry with me at the root of my recent behavior and felt "cheated" out of her man that she married. She was angry about the way I had acted. Personally, I think these damn sessions cause more shit than they fix, but the jury is out on that....
We left the session and didn't talk about it until yesterday. I woke up, initiated sex (it's been about a week), and she rejected with a firm no. I got up, was not phased, took a shower, and went to the gym. When, I returned, I interacted with her and tried some kino as an experiment to see what would happen. She threw a fit and said I was too affectionate and my advancements weren't wanted. I laughed it off and teased her and she got more pissed. I asked her, "What is it about me touching you that is wrong?" She bitched some more and I went and did something else.
Later that evening, she brought up the subject again, and was saying she was struggling with getting the feelz back. She expressed concern about if she can't fix it, she was concerned that I'd leave her (because sex is important to man). I mostly listened, but got drawn in a little. I told her we'd work on this and see what happens. She also asked me if I cheated on her. (I did not). She clearly doesn't want the marriage to fail, but is struggling.
I don't want my marriage to fail for obvious reasons, but I don't want the price of that to be "me being in a cage." My recent lack of leadership is the cause I my own that.
Here's my question. I can see a frame struggle. How can I recognize the moments where I'm being pulled into her frame and break that? (which I think is happening on and off). I see stuff on here all the time about "operating in her frame." I understand the theory, just struggling from time to time with application. Any advice will help.
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