How do I let go of my slutty past?

Red-Curious · 2019-03-04T01:29:51+00:00

This would be a great post for r/RPChristians. I'd answer here, but I don't know how open this sub's mods are to comments that are predominantly biblical in nature.

livefreeofdie · 2019-03-04T06:13:19+00:00

Every saint has a past. Every sinner has a future.

ding_ovens_ready_now · 2019-03-04T00:43:19+00:00

You will always have to carry it with you, but you don’t have to let it drag you down. If a man asks you, don’t lie and tell him you’re a virgin, but there’s no need to blurt out your body count unless he specifically asks. Presumably you want to marry a fellow Christian. Most honest Christian men take repentance and forgiveness very seriously. They know that you’re a new woman, and as long as you’re honest with yourself about your stumbling blocks, he should have no reason not to trust you. It’s the secular sperglords who obsess over the exact number of men a woman has slept with and refuse to believe anyone can ever be reformed. You’ve maintained celibacy for a long time. Don’t beat yourself up too much.

darcymay123 · 2019-03-04T00:39:59+00:00

We unfortunately live in this interesting time where people value those who "were right from the start and never changed their position throughout history." People get prosecuted very publicly for things that happened decades ago. It's really sad, because this insinuates that we value people who never realized they were wrong and grew from that. Some of the most successful people in the world have done things that are wrong, have had to face them, and have grown from it. Personal growth requires failure, mistakes, and personal acknowledgement of those failures and mistakes.

Life is not black and white. It's a huge spectrum of grey. You would not be here today if it weren't for your experiences that got you here. You cannot change your past, these are simply building blocks of who you are now. Adversity builds character, and failure breeds knowledge. Stop blaming yourself for the past and look to the future instead. Challenge yourself to improve in the present.

When these thoughts creep up, remind yourself that you are here now and you've learned the hard way what the other side is like; and most importantly, you've grown from that experience.

Don't read too much into the N-count thing. It is a small piece of a very large puzzle. Any man who is obsurdly judgemental that you are a human who has and who will make mistakes isn't someone who would make good captain material. Just as it would be unfair for you to judge a man the same. You're going to do just fine. ♥️

The more nervous you act about your past, the more a potential partner will feed off that. It's best to be honest, but that doesn't mean you need to spill every dirty detail. You can always explain that you were lost, didn't know your way in life, and God helped you find your way and you are grateful for the experience because now you know what being lost is like and how to get back on track.

eazolan · 2019-03-04T03:39:50+00:00

You are way too critical of yourself.

You wanted a relationship, and did what you thought was the way to get one.

You figured it out, you worked on yourself, and now you're working towards your goal.

chris_haga · 2019-03-04T03:42:19+00:00

you basically have stuff in your past you regret, like every adult human on earth living or dead. you're young. trust me when i say: this won't matter to your future husband

high quality men (lots of options and heaps of confidence) won't care about your partner count. they will judge your character and the likelihood of you remaining faithful - when the conversation comes, perhaps remind him how much your experiences taught you the value of loyalty

honesty is always the best policy, but these specific topics can harm your future relationship and should be avoided:

the acts done with these partners
how much you enjoyed the sex
any positive physical description, especially with regards to size

fifty years from now, in a park somewhere, when you're running your fingers through your husbands fine hair, you won't even remember that you cared so much about something so small

PilotBass · 2019-03-04T14:21:33+00:00

As a repentant Christian myself, I can say that a quality Christian man would have an understanding that everyone has a past. In fact, having a past and repenting of it is a telltale sing that you know where you have been and where you are going. You have done some work on yourself and have lived as if you know your need for God. 5 years of solid repentance and celibacy, I would say would be a proven track record and you are the real deal. And as others have said, you do not need to be specific on your count but do not be dishonest.

Hannelore010 · 2019-03-04T00:57:05+00:00

Hi! I know (especially in the man side of the RP sphere, or even here) you’re reading a lot that you have no hope to find a good Christian man to marry; for what man will have someone who has done what you’ve done when they have other options?

It is true you might have to face more of a challenge than a girl who didn’t do what you did, and you MAY NOT EVEN MARRY. But that’s not guaranteed; you really don’t know.

I was not promiscuous, but had to face this reality that most people marry later now. I was academically inclined and faced the fact that I would probably be in my late 20s/early 30s when I married, and it wasn’t even promised I would marry! This actually did not happen to me (but did to my sisters, who married at 28 and 31; I married at 23)

1) what’s you career/work plan? Are you loving what you’re doing? Do what you want now—double down on paying down debt, travel, work out, take cooking or language courses, etc. Marriage and kids slows all that down. Biggest regret is how poorly I used the 18-23 time to improve myself

2) how’s your family and church situation? Surrounded by people who love you and will hold you accountable? Is your church full of both families and single people, both old and young?

3) exercise regularly to keep from being tempted; I believe this helps women the same way as men to manage their libido

4) face this will have some consequences if you marry for you and your spouse. It just will, and you have to be open about that; PM me if you want to discuss

5) to find a guy (if you think you’re ready to reenter the dating market): tell you friends and family you’re looking—I think traditional matchmaking is an underrated approach. Just go on as many dates as possible topractice being a respectable woman around men.

6) does your denomination have national conferences and such? Great way to meet other singles serious about theology

Best to you! Be self-disciplined and serious and whether you marry or not, you have a joyful and content future ahead of you!

Princess_Medusa · 2019-03-04T13:13:36+00:00

The real problem with the "n-count" that makes people wary it quite often is an indicator for a certain mindset or lifestyle of disposability and carelessness. Quite often, girls who sleep around really are not faithful to a partner, especially if it is still a recurring pattern. The uncontrolled sexual urge in that case is either a bad habit and a sign of poor self-control like smiking or drinking or caused by serial monogamy which quite often is also a huge red frag.

So a high n-count can definitely be something to look into, but it has been made out to be a huge dealbreaker and red flag itself by insecure people who already have trouble recognizing the nuances of human interaction.

I personally slept around quite a bit (with a relatively low n-count, because it was just friends with benefits) when I was in my last year of highschool and my personal reason for it is that I liked sex, but I hadn't met anyone that I'd be comfortable with in a relationship. When I met my now-boyfriend of over 1 1/2 years, I told him exactly that, stopped sleeping with any of my fwb and my boyfriend literally never worried about me cheating because clearly, my situation changed

It's a risk to get into a relationship with someone who has the habit of cheating on their partners, because there is a risk that they will cheat again. It's a risk to get into a relationship with a serial monogamist, because the relationship might fail for the same reasons as the previous ones. However, even for those, if they take some time to reflect, work on themselves and really change their outlook on life, they can be secure partners after a while.

For you, it was also a matter of self-reflection and taking your time. You found out that your ways did not work and changed. What happened back then is part of your history and what got you to the point where you are, but it's nothing that is currently happening, so no mentally stable, relatively confident and at least a teeny tiny little bit empathetic(which are traits that any theoreticall suitable partner should probably have) is going to hate you for it

LookingForMySelf · 2019-03-04T10:16:32+00:00

TL;DR: nor your future children will benefit for their mother to be constantly ashaimed. Work on this issue so that you are able to find a good mate. Perseverance and courage! You are half way there.

The only reason you don't date right now is because you don't trust yourself to find a good man. For a good reason. If you want a great husband and a happy family you have to prove to you future man that you worked on your issues. This will also allow you to filter away all scumbugs so that the issue doesn't reocur.

Do you know why did you do that? It seems that you do, but how mach have you worked on it? Find a good therapist(usually they don't tell you what to do), read book about it and work on it. Learn to accept it and grow on it.

LateralThinker13 · 2019-03-04T16:23:27+00:00

Any advice on how to move past this? Or do I have to accept that I’m just a reformed slut?

Accept that you made poor choices in the past, learn from it, and let it go. If you are having trouble doing this, it means you haven't forgiven yourself your choices and mistakes. You still have work to do.

Rossonious · 2019-03-04T21:48:38+00:00

Ummmm, your slutty past has motivated you to become a complete specimen.

You’re basically female Batman, but instead of having flashbacks of your parents getting killed you flashback to banging some dudes as a college freshman.

Don’t bother letting your past go, it’s motivated you so much it’s far from a weakness. Hell, fucking up so much at one point of your life might be your greatest strength.

RocknR0IIa · 2019-03-08T18:52:35+00:00

I think turning your life around so early in your 20s is pretty respectful. As long as you can maintain it from now on, most of traditional guys would appreciate someone like you. (I am a guy)

Tidder94 · 2019-03-04T01:21:42+00:00

Embrace the shadow. Under the shadow of a tree you can rest peacefully.

Vellore992 · 2019-03-04T01:05:14+00:00

Where does the feeling of guilt come from?

If it's a religious thing, then that's between you and God. I'm not religious so can't help out there, but I'd seek some guidance from someone older and respected in your church.

If the guilt is coming from these internet posts ragging on sluts, I'm afraid you're just going to have to grow a thicker skin and move past it. You'll find people on the internet who will insult you for anything if you look hard enough. Their opinions on sluts should carry any more weight with you than their opinions on tacos. These men are strangers and you owe them nothing.

You are your own woman, and the only opinion you should be worrying about outside of your own (and God's) is your future husband's.

If the guilt is coming from a more internal place, like you truly feel in yourself that you've done something awful, then you should consider going back to therapy and learning to forgive yourself. It's not my opinion that there's anything so wrong with promiscuity in itself, but even if you do, hanging on to that doesn't help anyone. It's an illogical indulgence that just holds you back in time.

Think through why you did what you did at the time, why that was not the right decision in retrospect, and the lessons you've learnt from it. As long as you can move through it and take those lessons to heart, you're doing just fine.

Or do I have to accept that I’m just a reformed slut? Anyone gone through something similar?

I'm a "reformed slut", in that I have a history of promiscuity, but it's not a mark that I wear. I'm not ashamed of my past, and nor is my husband. People grow and change and the way I had my fun when I was 20 has no bearing on my ability to love and be a wonderful wife today.

curious_historian · 2019-03-04T08:16:58+00:00

One thing I will suggest is not to hold out sex until marriage. You're not a virgin and having 10 dudes hit it and quit it while a man that wants to marry you and loves you has to wait. That will breed some resentment down the line, especially if your past comes up and considering how another dude obviously didn't need to wait till marriage.

loveopenly · 2019-03-04T02:23:43+00:00

Just to point out. Most women your age have slept with more than 10 men. Relative to others, you couldn't really define yourself as promiscuous. In fact, you are overly conservative. And I think that is the problem here. You are trying too hard to be conservative, and defining yourself by what you are not, which makes it impossible to ever move on...

If you want to move on, you have to loosen up and be less conservative, instead of trying so hard to hit an ideal vision of yourself that is impossible to meet.

organicsunshine · 2019-03-04T02:48:49+00:00

If this isn't a troll I don't know what is.

Robert_Duncan_MacRae · 2019-03-04T15:16:44+00:00

You're insecure because the damage is done.

All that telegony. All those burned out oxytocin receptors.

Enjoy the descent. Buy lots of cats.

Title	How do I let go of my slutty past?
Author	darcymay123
Upvotes	42
Comments	31
Date	March 4, 2019 12:31 AM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/ax0p0w/how_do_i_let_go_of_my_slutty_past/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/how-do-i-let-go-of-my-slutty-past.220743 https://theredarchive.com/post/220743

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