Mid 30s long-term married couple with kids here.

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For most of his life my husband worked in physical labour and was very masculine. I have followed red pill women for years and we have a traditional relationship. About a year ago however my husband took an office job and he has changed so much since then. His mannerisms are effeminate and I am repulsed by it. I feel horrible admitting it. I almost feel like I am betraying him by saying it. But I don't know how to fix the problem. The more feminine I act, the more effeminate he acts, almost like he's subconsciously mirroring me. RPW and Fascinating Womanhood say that the wife behaving ultrafeminine will inspire the husband to behave more masculine. Well my experience right now is the opposite! I feel horrible to say it, but I am not attracted to him when he is this way.

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I feel horrible but I can't control the way I feel and this is a subconscious reaction. I have been ignoring it and not saying anything about it. He was never like this at all before! Even worse I can see how our children don't respect him anymore and our daughters especially recoil from his hugs and affection. He comes across as so needy and cloying.

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He was not like this before at all! He used to be super masculine! I blame the desk job and I believe that he must be suffering from low T, according to my research, but I don't know how to come out and talk to him about this or suggest he get help. I think it would come across as so direct and rude, he would probably feel insulted and get defensive and not do anything about it. He gets rather moody and unpleasant at times too. Even if he did get the testosterone treatments it would be too expensive for us to afford and it could even make him infertile when we want to have more children! I have no idea what to do! We have sexual relations but I am not into it and don't feel motivated to try to be attractive to him anymore when he doesn't do anything to try to be attractive to me.

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He is also not interested in leading. He is passive and doesn't take any initiative for anything anymore. I have to make all the decisions now, or just nothing gets done. Again, he was not like this before and he became this way at the same time that he took the desk job. I believe all the sitting and the sedentary work is what transformed him. He is not interested in working out anymore. He used to be so dominant and manly.

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Is there any way I can motivate him to change back to his old self, or get him to notice that there is a problem without making him feel insulted? Is there anything I can give him to read or something I could say that could address the problem but not push him away?

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What do you feel I should do?