Do not be nice to men, only polite

GAaliyah12 · 2020-08-29T22:40:37+00:00

Yes, this is TRUTH. I don’t give them any attention besides cold polite, surface level niceties anymore.

They get too confident that they have regular access to you and try to talk to you too much. Waste of my time and energy to even think about responding to them.

The number of times I wasted my time and energy replying to guys who wanted to be “friends” at work. I did so because I wanted to be nice and thought I should give male friends a chance.

Neverrr again LVM will always see it as you taking interest in them.

A HVM (who knows your not interested) would recognize it as social reciprocation, respect your boundaries, and actually treat you like a friend/bro and not a “chance.”

I would only be acquaintance or work friend at most with HVM also.

MonicaLSolis · 2020-08-30T00:25:37+00:00

Never be over accommodating to men. Never say sorry, please, or thank you more times than needed

2020-08-29T22:15:59+00:00

[deleted]

peanutbuttatwix · 2020-08-30T00:09:38+00:00

One time I tried to make small talk with a guy at work and I think he thought I was hitting on him

CinnamonSandcastles · 2020-08-30T01:30:46+00:00

Also if they are nice to you, it is because they want to sleep with you. Most are assholes to women they don’t want to sleep with

Pahapan · 2020-08-30T04:40:54+00:00

Plus, from what I've gathered (Why Men Love Bitches is on my reading list) HVM aren't really drawn to people pleasing women. The only men attracted to a doormat are LVM. So if you're looking to actively date, there's literally no downside to being a little "mean". And what gets interpreted as meanness from women is legitimately stuff like us just standing up for ourselves.

Partypuppers · 2020-08-30T13:24:51+00:00

I'm a pretty bubbly person, but I try to make sure that everyone knows that this is my personality towards everyone, both men and women.

However, for male colleagues, I also do the following:

Say 'sup buddy' if we're of a similar age and I bump into them. I friend zone them from the start of the conversation lol.
If they're older than me, direct the conversation to being polite and asking about either something work related, or if I know them a bit better to ask them 'how is your wife/ your child/ are they well?' This should be in a polite/ professional way, not in a way where you're trying to get the latest about his relationship status LOL. A few guys have had kids recently so it's always a neutral topic to ask about their experiences as new parents.
Keep things pleasant but formal, end the conversation first, before they do. E.g. 'ok, well I need to get back to work, bye!' You are busy, not hanging on to their every word.
Carry yourself with an air of dignity, never discuss personal topics or personal problems with guys (or even women for that matter). I keep my dating/ relationship issues out of the work place. When I broke up with my ex I just mentioned to my manager that we were over and offered no explanation to her as to why. People don't need to know. They don't need to know if I'm going on dates either. That's none of their business.
Learn to maneuver the conversation to a comfortable place. If someone is asking me about a personal topic I'll just smile and say politely 'oh I won't go into that here/ at work' - make them know there are boundaries of professionalism they can't cross.

Etc etc.

Solid-Liquid · 2020-08-30T08:49:05+00:00

Facts. Was nice to a new coworker, since he didn’t know what departments certain products were.

He asked me for my number to take me out on a date...DURING A PANDEMIC. I told him no, and I haven’t spoken to him since

TokiMarvel · 2020-08-30T07:29:50+00:00

TW: sexual harassment

That was my biggest problem at some workplaces. I’d say hi, smile, maybe chat about the weather every once in awhile. One older guy got my personal email, told me he was into me like I was to him 😒 Coworkers told me some guy who ran the elevator asked about them my marital status. Another POS started to say filthy things in a weird voice whenever we worked near each other. The worst one was a married guy who tried to kiss me at the end of the workday.

Cold indifference is my new default.

spicybookmaster · 2020-08-30T17:49:15+00:00

I have had to be like this towards a married male coworker. My first year at the job, he was texting me a lot, just stupid annoying stuff, outside of work. I wouldn’t really respond. He even texted me a lot while on vacation with his wife and family! He asked before leaving and I said sure, thinking it’d be like a picture of a view. No. It was paragraphs and nonsense pictures detailing every stop/step of their trip. I was like wtf and didn’t respond after the one time. At work, he would keep messaging me and coming down to my office to see me whenever he could. Any chance, any excuse to see me, he would take it. And he never took hints that I didn’t want to talk. He could keep a convo going even with my one word or no replies. I stopped responding altogether and avoiding him. Blocked his number. He finally is somewhat leaving me alone. I noticed last year he was no longer wearing a wedding ring. He would always say, sorry I like to talk a lot (texting a lot)” “my wife doesn’t really like to do anything except sit on the couch” and I’m thinking, HOW is this my problem. I DON’T CARE.

My mom would always be like “he’s odd. He must be lonely” and I’m like mom, he has friends. Normal men, especially married ones, don’t do this with their coworker.

We don’t have HR really and it’s a small workplace so don’t want to make waves. It’s going to be my last year here though, thankfully.

Be short and polite. Don’t over share or allow them to have contact with you outside of work. No numbers, no snap, no social media.

MsHyde13 · 2020-08-30T08:45:19+00:00

This is probably the best advice I have ever given any of they younger girls in my family. Especially the ones who are getting their first job or getting old enough to date. I ignore most men that I don’t know because I’ve had it happen that they were only nice because they wanted to sleep with me or they somehow took me being nice as I wanted them and that was never the case. Just recently I had to stop talking to someone who I thought was a good friend of mine because he tried hitting on me and he’s married with a 13 year old daughter. And I told him straight up that I’m not interested and that the thing he says to me he should tell his wife instead. I’m definitely not gonna be that girl and be the reason a family is ripped apart. I’ve also noticed that when we don’t respond in the mans favor they sometimes throw temper tantrums. Seriously wtf? Because obviously acting like an entitled child is definitely change my mind.

woiashenseea · 2020-08-30T23:57:26+00:00

Sorry she is 100% right

Treats4her · 2020-08-29T22:23:54+00:00

It's a shame that you have to act like a straight B**** toward them so they won't think you are interested. The sad part is even if you act like a B**** they start hating you because you won't reciprocate how they feel or give them the attention they want. It's such a pain!

Title	Do not be nice to men, only polite
Author	GAaliyah12
Upvotes	174
Comments	34
Date	August 29, 2020 8:12 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/iizb10/do_not_be_nice_to_men_only_polite/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/do-not-be-nice-to-men-only-polite.232953 https://theredarchive.com/post/232953

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