Reassurance?

Hi,

My partner (M26) and I (F22) are currently taking a break. We’ve had a few arguments lately, none of which were horrible, but they are arguments that have definitely taken a toll on our relationship. Due to me entertaining some negative thoughts and asking for reassurance (both directly and indirectly), my SO has grown frustrated in the fact that I constantly need it, and is making him feel like he’s not doing enough to keep me happy, that it makes him unhappy as well. In one of our arguments, he suggested I take some time for myself, but I argued against it due to the fact that I didn’t feel like I needed it. Our last argument, after the aforementioned one, I realized that he might be right. Earlier on in our relationship, I was so overwhelmed with his past and the love I felt for him, that I often felt like I needed space, but I never fully followed through with a long enough period to process my emotions. It’s been almost 2 years since we started dating. We’re quite serious about each other.

Random facts about us: 1. we live in the Middle East and are both liberal muslims (our society isn’t that conservative) 2. I lost my virginity to him 3. he had a past that had quite a bit of casual sex (dunno his n-count and don’t exactly want to) as well as few serious partners, whereas I’m inexperienced and he’s my first serious partner 4. he has gone through a lot in his life (traumatic experiences) - as for me, I was molested and I’m making an effort to reverse the damage that that has done.

Anyway, after our last argument, I clarified that I was aware that I had some things that I needed to work on and that I was seeing some progress in myself. I was also worried about whether or not he was done with us, because I might’ve overdone it with my excessive need to be reassured.

He sent the following: “you're close to having a breakthrough and i'm happy to see it even if you don't quite yet know what i mean. you're doing good and this is a moment in which i will be of no service to you while you go through it. it's time for you to spend some serious time with yourself and you will not get another opportunity like this anytime soon. it's not easy but it's also not hard, it's just accepting certain things you're gonna come to realise as you journey inwards that might be a slight letdown if you expected anything more but also reassuring because of their simplicity. once you know them you know them, i can't teach those to you. i love you, i'm not done with you but i am going to tell you that you need some time off of anything that isn't you, and this isn't a negotiation. you need to do this for yourself. when things begin to make a bit more sense i'll know. it's not going to be a specific amount of time, there's no countdown or deadline but this is going to be for a good while. if you can handle it appropriately i'll know your progress. you might find that you're done with me by the time we're on the other side of it, and i happily accept the outcome. i'm writing all this down because it also doesn't need to be a back and forth, all the information you'll need is in this paragraph. p.s. spend time with your parents.”

I know the break is partially for him as well, as I imagine things like this can get overwhelming. Part of me is curious to know how he’s going to “assess” my progress. Maybe if I hold back on reaching out to him and practice having some willpower? But anyway, my bigger concerns are how long this break is going to be and how it’s going to affect me, and in spite of my trust in him, I feel as though a break can lessen our exclusivity. Meaning that he might call up one of the people he used to have casual sex with. I made a point to mention that I trust him and I asked him if we’re going to remain a unit/exclusive throughout it, but before he got to respond I said “I believe the answer to that is yes” (as in yes, we’ll remain exclusive throughout it) and he didn’t say anything that would suggest otherwise.

I personally need some reassurance. I know that none of you are in his head and can’t exactly tell me what he’s thinking. But am I overthinking? I know this shows a lack of growth given that growth is what this break is all about, but it’s been one day since we agreed on a break and I want to be optimistic about this. He’s the love of my life and I know for a fact that I want to take care of us and him for the rest of my life, so I’m bound to place a lot of importance on this.

[edit] (more info in my first reply comment)