A few friends and I went to a big party last night. I'm older and married now, but he's not, and out of the 25 or so people there, I think maybe 5 or 6 were single.

Now my friend is fat, kinda ugly, smells funny, and has little fashion sense. He is objectively not the kind of guy you'd expect to be great at picking up women. However over the course of this party, he put on a god damn master class in overcoming these drawbacks and picking up a chick. Here's my notes.

One of the first things he did was make a few raunchy and really unfiltered joking comments. Done with a smile on his face, they were funny, but they were also way more inappropriate than the vibe called for at that point in the evening. But this established him as a dirty fellow and served to build some social cachet for him as everyone instantly knew who he was (and maybe even became curious about him).

He immediately sussed out the single women and gravitated toward them. He wasn't shy about neglecting other social conversations and events going on, he sort of socially bee-lined towards these women and talked with them.

He quickly and aggressively turned the conversation sexual with them. There was some roleplaying along the lines of "everyone here is a couple and I feel left out, X will you be my fake girlfriend tonight so we can be a couple too?" He then dropped the information "X and I are a couple tonight" whenever any conversation even remotely called for it. This was of course all done with a smile and a joking grin.

As time went on, it seems like he got into a deep conversation with another one of the single women, Y (not X). They were talking about all sorts of random stuff. He is kind of a nerd, and he did not filter his personality for her at all. He was 100% himself. He would even talk about shit see seemed bored by or contemptuous of (like Dungeons and Dragons), but then bring it back to something fun. As time went on, his "X and I are a couple tonight" turned into "Nah, I broke up with X and now I'm married to Y".

He was doggedly persistent in talking to this girl. Eventually as the night went on and everyone was super drunk, they found a quiet bedroom and he fucked her. I probably forgot to mention, this chick was hot too. I know her peripherally and she has dated some hot, accomplished guys.

But my fat ugly friend fucked her, by being 100% focused, 100% himself, and exuding sexual energy from the very beginning.

Fucking amazing.