707,481 posts

Need help setting a boundary

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August 8, 2019
14 upvotes

Ok. On mobile so will make this quick.

I was being a pussy and looked through some of wife's text messages. I justified it to myself as trusting but verifying.

As it usually goes, when you go looking for shit you'll probably find some. And I did.

I wouldn't classify the messages as sexting but it was at least sexual flirting. I know who the other dude is and they used to fuck around. He's also married with kids. Let me say here that in swallowing the pill I have had to acknowledge the fact that my wife may have already cheated on me. I don't think so but I'll never know.

Here is the question. How can I make a boundary out of something I snuck to find out about like a little bitch? How can I say to her "no wife of mine will be texting other guys anything sexual"? The other question is how to manage having this info. I've been pissed which she noticed but I haven't said anything other than "what reason would I have to be upset. Her response was "I know I'm not a perfect wife blah blah. I think the right answer is to just store the info and monitor the situation. I know for sure I shouldn't just bring it up and make accusations. But right now I'm pissed and don't want to be around or talk to her. She is just coming off shark week so I had planned on Turing up the initiations but know I only want to hate fuck her. I want to withdraw my sexual attention but I am ready to go after a week of nothing. Resetting was basically non existent this morning and going to be hard for me until I figure this out.

Also to add a little context to my situation. A few weeks ago while on the first business trip at my new job- I got some strange. I really should make a FR about it. It was dope and I've been feeling only slightly guilty since then. So I'm being at least a little hypocritical by being mad at her for texts when I went like 10 rounds with a stranger. But hey amoral right?


Post Information
Title Need help setting a boundary
Author Madddawg07
Upvotes 14
Comments 42
Date 08 August 2019 02:38 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/247763
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/cnmnpw/need_help_setting_a_boundary/
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cheatingfield report
Comments

[–]2ndalRed Beret24 points25 points  (4 children) | Copy

The short answer is you cannot.

I don't mean that it can't be done. What I mean is you, specifically, can't. Not right now, anyway.

The best way you can set this boundary is through action, through bettering yourself and becoming less of a man that your wife wants to cheat on. If you're able to get closer to being that man, then you can set firm boundaries on behaviors as they come up.

You know exactly how it will play out if you bring this up now in your current situation. She doesn't respect you anyway, so why would being mouthy about your snooping help? It won't.

Shut up and focus on yourself.

[–]Madddawg07[S] 7 points8 points  (3 children) | Copy

This is right. Shutting my whore mouth now.

[–]InChargeManRed Beret28 points29 points  (2 children) | Copy

Looking forward to your post in two days about how you didn't shut your mouth.

[–]Madddawg07[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Lol. Yes this sounds about right. But that is why I came here. You all keep it real and helped me to snap back into the proper mindstate. Will be working to silence this Beta shitgoblin trying to hold me back. I'll be sure to get into OYS to update.

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Lol. Fuck.

[–]helaughsinhidden25 points26 points  (3 children) | Copy

I justified it to myself as trusting but verifying.

Think of this like taking your child's temperature when they have a fever. You looked at her text messages and found some bullshit, just like taking their temp and seeing it is 100F. You can't scold a toddler and say something like "Johnny, I told you I hate it when you have high temperatures, you need to keep it at 98F or else!". Sounds dumb, right? In the same way, how you are going to say "Jane, I hate it when you find me boring and unattractive and seek your feelz from a former Chad that you still have the hots for, you need to only have feelz for me or else!" and sound good? No, it's bad.

Instead, you'd know that your child needs 10ml of Ibuprofen to bring down the fever. Same goes for the wife, you need to give her a better version of you. Someone more exciting, fit, attractive, stoic, or fix whatever it is you are lacking needs to replace what you are currently giving her so far. That's the ONLY antidote you have in the marital medicine cabinet. Everything else will be coming from a place of neediness, insecurity, and will just further point out the lack in your game brother.

[–]WolfofAllStreetz2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

Sometimes the fever is good for you.

[–]helaughsinhidden1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

[–]Madddawg07[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

On point. Thank you

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red13 points14 points  (0 children) | Copy

Damn. Late to the party.

What I have learned is this. You can be the hottest most successful 40 year old, bald, ripped, Alpha male with undiagnosed mental disorders in Dallas and hoes are still going to keep at least 1-2 beta orbiters around.

Why?

Cause bitches be insecure when their man is hotter than them and they never want to feel like they are more than a few days away from getting some sort of dick. Even though they dont want to.

Solution?

Be a guy that can get a new vagina by close of business.

Same day motherfucker.

[–]BobbyPeruRed Beret3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

So you want to punish her by withdrawing sexual attention and other passive aggressive ways where she won’t even know why your mad.

And you don’t think that’s going to end up with you blowing your stack and blurting it out?

No - accept it that you’re still a pussy and keep an eye on it. Act normal

[–]RedPill-BlackLotusRed Beret4 points5 points  (6 children) | Copy

Your gonna blow yourself up with that dynamite man. Wear some mitts or something.

This is going to be a glorious buffet of drama. Keep us posted.

[–]Madddawg07[S] 3 points4 points  (4 children) | Copy

Naw I don't want to deal in drama. I'm not going to bring it up. And going to try real hard to just eat it, reset and act as if nothing is wrong because, nothing is. AWALT and so is mine. I need to.concentrate on my game. First for the wife then for whoever is next.

[–]RedPill-BlackLotusRed Beret1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Here are some of rians YouTube videos that are relevant for you.

Only one thing to do if your wife betrayed you

Red pill coffee on cheating wives

[–]Madddawg07[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I listen to his channel almost daily in the gym. Love these segments. What's funny is these are two that I have listened to least. I am going to go back into them tonight.

[–]beholdthemaverick0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

You guys rip me a new one if I’m wrong, but OP, you okay with tasting homeboy’s dick on your wife’s breath? Is cheating something you’re okay with? (even if you banged some strange yourself RP is amoral and you’re fulfilling your sexual strategy, fuck what society says). Okay let’s say you divorce and she dv rapes you. Is your life over?

Maybe it’s an ego thing on my part that I must work on but a cheating whore whether it’s emotional or physical = autonext. A billion biatches in the world my friend. If I’m missing something here please someone let me know. Are you just planning to improve while racking up the sex and then next?

[–]vplatt2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

At a knee-jerk level you're right, but OP is just reaping karma here from a history of weak frame and now hypocritical behavior. 'Next'ing in this case involves divorce, which is varying degrees of horrifyingly expensive especially since there seem to be children involved. It's better to follow MAP in a measured way a la Athol Kay to give both of them a chance to correct course.

[–]WolfofAllStreetz1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Thought the exact same thing.

No way this ends well.

[–]ReddJiveRed Beret4 points5 points  (6 children) | Copy

This is why fucking some girl is left for the final stages of dread. You’ve run the race. You’ve made it clear. You’re in charge of your life, your world.

Making that Step to cheating ins’t necessarily the end of the marriage (women will share a high value man vs leaving him) BUT it means the pedal is down on the ground.

The advice is if sex is all you want go get it. It’s there. You can find it. Any man can fake being an Alpha long enough to fuck a girl. Don’t mistake the two things.

As OP illustrates so well for us he can’t handle the guilt. At all. He wasn’t ready for this meaning he had zero frame and hasn’t accepted the Rule Zero mindset he needs. He is slowly internalize that sex is jus that easy to get. Now the cobwebs are clear. BUT he is now facing the reality, with evidence, that his princess is fucking another guy (my odds say she is).

So now he’s conflicted. He did it. Why can’t she? What do?

No of course he won’t do anything to bring it up. AWALT amiright? Or is it AMALT?

What I would do is not what you would do...rather what you are capable of doing.

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red1 point2 points  (5 children) | Copy

Sorry but no one who is IRL stepping out gives a fuck about texts like this.

OP is a liar.

[–]ReddJiveRed Beret1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy

Sometimes I don't write for OP.

But I don't disagree with you.

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

Thats some major covert contract shit bro.

How I supposed to know that? Lol.

[–]ReddJiveRed Beret4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy

Read my mind. Gawd. We've been together for how long now?

I swear if you just paid a little more attention to me and maybe picked up your gym gear we wouldn't have these issues. You're never around. Always with your red pill friends.

Gawd it's like talking to a brick wall.

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

Wait...

So we having sex tonight or not? lol

[–]hack3geRed Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I’m with you on this - OP didn’t fuck anything but his hand on that business trip.

[–]IncitingDramah4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

Nice post of your guilt inspired insecurities.

I was being a pussy and looked through some of wife's text messages. I justified it to myself as trusting but verifying.

Lies

A few weeks ago while on the first business trip at my new job- I got some strange.

Truth comes out.

Check yourself, because you're setting yourself up for one hell of a shit show.

I want to withdraw my sexual attention but I am ready to go after a week of nothing.

Fucking dumb and weak. Have some self control. As far as withdrawal of attention, of any kind, you're going to give yourself away. Stop being a bitch, and go release your bitch think by lifting weights.

l I have had to acknowledge the fact that my wife may have already cheated on me. I don't think so but I'll never know.

+

Her response was "I know I'm not a perfect wife blah blah.

Seems like shes been telling you, but you're not listening.

[–]Ketonian_Empire1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

If she ever deletes the text, you could block the number on her phone then they wouldn't communicate anymore lol. Or go on the cell service site and block the number.

Anyways how was the side squeeze, is that a married red pill thing or is it encouraged somewhere? Slightly new here.

[–]Madddawg07[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

I'd say it's was totally unexpected. Was good for my confidence and a good SMV gauge. It also seriously complicates things and I am not looking for it to happen again anytime soon. Maybe never.

[–]RisingUpAgain0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

The pill is amoral, it does not preach to do one thing or another, it is simply a set of ideas.

You could use those ideas to cultivate a strong marriage and be faithful, or you could let your marriage sink under the waves while you fuck a bunch of hoes, neither way is right or is wrong, you’ve just got to ask yourself;

What is it that you really want?

[–]unsolicited-opinion-1 points0 points  (5 children) | Copy

Went through a similar situation recently. I felt bad for looking at the texts, but my gut told me there was something more with a co worker. I was right. When I brought it up, I apologized for snooping but he knew what he did was way worse. We had a lot of discussions about it and I was very clear about my expectations going forward. If she was in the wrong and gets upset at you for finding out, then there are 2 problems.

[–]2ndalRed Beret6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

Thanks Dr. Phil.

[–]The_LitzRed Beret1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy

DYELB?

[–]Madddawg07[S] 1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

I do and it's going well. I look a lot better but still too fat. Lifts are not as big as they should be. Was going to take a rest day this morning but was at the gym at 6 trying to work out the anger.

[–]The_LitzRed Beret5 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy

Not you, you deranged canine, I was asking the person telling you to talk more and do less.

[–]Madddawg07[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

Got it. Yea I think that may have been a woman's advice. I'm not apologizing so that suggestion got thrown out.



You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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