GF is really bad with money, and is trying to make it my problem. Need help.

PandaLitter · 2019-08-22T17:19:04+00:00

Sounds like you already know what to do

dr_warlock · 2019-08-22T17:29:15+00:00

You already have an idea of what to do. Execute. You can feel it. It's why you asked.

[deleted] · 2019-08-22T18:08:16+00:00

This issue is not silly. She’s pushing you into the beta/provider bucket, and you’re falling for it.

The solution is to break up with her.

frick-a-frack · 2019-08-22T17:56:45+00:00

Not that you’re anywhere near marriage, but I can tell you this gets exponentially worse at that point.

FlyingSexistPig · 2019-08-22T18:28:34+00:00

She's a prostitute at this point. You are paying her to have sex with her. That's literally the definition of a prostitute.

Now the real question: Could you get a much hotter prostitute for the money that you're paying your "girlfriend"?

It's time for you to push this girl away. You are the betabux. You're lying to yourself if you think it's any other way.

Fresh_Pulse · 2019-08-22T19:43:30+00:00

Why are you wasting your time in this relationship?

Forget becoming her BB, you are her BB. It obviously makes her upset when you don't act like a walking wallet.

You've been with her for 8 months and she's already acting like this. Either cut off this parasite or embrace being a doormat BB.

jacques_cousteau007 · 2019-08-22T17:43:28+00:00

You only pay for the meal when you invite her

When you both decide to go eat, you split it.

If you don’t want to pay for shit, stop inviting her out to eat.

Go to lunch with a coworker that will split the bill. Hit dinner with an old friend that won’t have a problem with it.

When she wants dinner, go to the store and buy some pasta to make at home

Corvus_Uraneus · 2019-08-22T19:44:16+00:00

Seems like from the OP and your replies that you understand the game, but don't know how to deal with her pouty manipulations.

You need to establish CLEAR boundaries. No broke person should be suggesting expensive activities or dining out. If she suggests it, ask if SHE is inviting YOU to dinner. If she says yes, be sure to mention that you'll be leaving your wallet at home. If she says no or, "what do you mean?" or gets pouty then be EXPLICIT.

"If you cannot afford to go out but want a nice meal on my dime, you had better be preparing that meal. I'll pay for the groceries. Anything else, we go dutch or not at all."

You said it yourself, if people in a relationship are supposed to treat each other, then it shouldn't always be you treating her. Ask her when the last time she treated you to something was? You, then me. YOU, then ME. But you first, especially if its YOUR idea.

Also, don't let that delay until "really?" tactic shit fly. "You owe me exactly $XXX.XX, you're tapped out. You can't add to your tab with me until its paid off, nor does the balance expire."

If she claims she will Venmo it later, retort that you have heard that before.

She is manipulating you, it seems to be working. If you take a firm stance to stand up for yourself and she threatens to end the relationship over it, then you got off easy.

snehehsb · 2019-08-22T19:54:36+00:00

Hello mister wallet nice to meet you. Seriously GTFO and ghost the bitch. Why are you asking these questions here? You know the answer we're going to give. Do you think we the answer is gonna be like the rest of this cuckit site?

FuccboiChad · 2019-08-22T21:03:33+00:00

She’s trying to guilt you for not paying for her? Unacceptable.

Don_Draper27 · 2019-08-22T19:20:21+00:00

It seems like she's overstepped some of your boundaries and you've done nothing about it. You've let her slide for months and now that you want to do something about it she's giving you shit because you've been in her frame.

Best quick-fix you can do is avoid going out to restaurants / pricey places. If she invites you out you can say that you're balling on a budget right now or better yet, why don't you start meal prepping and eating only home cooked meals. Now you really have a genuine attractive reason for not wasting your money eating out all the time.

I would limit your interactions to her to only doing things that don't involve money like fucking or going for a walk. Once in a while maybe you can take her out for drinks or for dinner and do it just from the kindness of your heart but it's obvious that any sort of splitting the bill or fighting for equality is BS.

Again, this is the quick fix. In my current LTR I made sure to establish in the beginning of the relationship that we would split things 50 / 50. It's been over a year now and we still split everything. Either she pays for one and I get the next or we just split it then and there if one of us has cash.

[deleted] · 2019-08-22T19:59:00+00:00

Your problem isn’t the money, your problem is you’re in her frame and now you’re asking us how to get out of her frame. The answer is to stop acting like a little bitch and grow a pair of balls.

Stupyyy · 2019-08-22T20:15:40+00:00

It's over. Get rid of this cancer.

mrdeeds1972 · 2019-08-22T21:10:52+00:00

Here's the rub. No matter how much relationship equity you think you're building up, in the end it will turn into nothing to her if anything changes in the relationship. None of her issues are yours, unless you make them. If she can't handle it, then show her the door.

mustache_ride_ · 2019-08-23T05:01:36+00:00

Another naive man-boi doesn't realize women these days make it a full-time job to turn their guy into an ATM.

VasiliyZaitzev · 2019-08-23T05:18:55+00:00

She has a lot of college debt, does not make a lot at her job

So she spent six figures and got a shitty degree in "French Critical Nonsense Theory" and has figured out that whatever job she can get won't support her debt? And that's your problem?

basically never has money on her due to her bills (student loans, apartment rent, car, utilities, etc.)

That is NEVER going to get better. And don't EVER move in with her. She will argue that it's going to "save money" but no man every saved money by letting a woman move in with him. She saves money (which really means just spends her money on something else) and he gets stuck with the bills and shitty logistics because the money pit is at home and doesn't want other vaginas around, potentially stripping her of the Golden Goose.

When we first started dating, we’d often just split the bill. However it quickly started to turn into her always asking me if I could put the full bill on my tab, and she would Venmo me later. I was fine with this.

Sure, because you expected her to pay, and she expected you to figure out that she wasn't going to.

Except she is very bad at ever paying me back.

Duh.

Weeks will go by and I would be forced into the awkward position of saying “hey could you Venmo me that $40 this week?” I’m understanding of her money troubles and I don’t pressure her to pay me back quickly. But I suspect she wants to wait and wait until I forget about it or until it gets to the point where she can say “really? You really want the $40 from 6 months ago?”

Right, because the passage of time makes you the bad person and not her a deadbeat, which she is.

I suggested that we just pay for our own stuff. I pay for my meal, she pays for hers, separate checks. She has a BIG problem with this.

Of course, because her shit isn't FREE anymore.

Saying she doesn’t like that, and you treat each other when you’re in a relationship, “that’s just what you do”. Treat each other meaning I pay this time, she pays next time. Except, how would she pay the full bill when she never has money on her?

That's not her problem. It's a delay tactic on her part.

I can also see the writing on the wall that I’d end up paying for the expensive meals, and she’d pay for the cheap stuff.

Duh.

She is now shaming me for not helping her out more.

Her: "WHY ARE YOU NOT LETTING ME MONETIZE MY VAGINA?!"

It seems like she won’t be happy and this problem won’t go away until I end up paying for everything.

Yep.

In my opinion, not only do I help her out in ways that are being ignored, but me shouldering the load is a one way street to betabux city. (Many of her friends BF’s are big time betabux, and I know this affects her too).

Your analysis is correct.

So even though in your update, on-thread, you think you have this handled, really, you do not. This is never going to get better. Even she magically paid off her student debt because her Long Lost Uncle died and lefter her $1M she'd spend the money and still have the debt. Because that's how Hamsters work.

She's betabuxing you, shaming you for expecting to be paid back when she agreed to, shaming you for not simply spendng $$$ on her all the time etc.

This isn't getting better, my dude. And you don't want to cut her loose because you have scarcity mentality.

Subutai_Baghatur · 2019-08-22T18:10:01+00:00

End it - she has a view of a relationship that you don’t share.

In future and right from the start, either split everything 50/50 as you settle or alternate settling for relative things.

wkndatbernardus · 2019-08-22T19:53:41+00:00

I wouldn't necessarily next her unless you can't put your big boy pants on and tell her who is paying for what BEFORE you two go out. If she can't pay, she don't play (at a restaurant or bar, that is). No shame in staying at home and making cocktails/cooking dinner together. That strategy will save you both money over the long-term. The key is that you are dictating the financial destiny of you and your ltr and not being shamed into funding her irresponsible lifestyle.

-ThePathIsTheGoal- · 2019-08-22T21:22:47+00:00

update

Hey guys, just wanted to give an update on what transpired.

I let her know where I stand, and stood my ground as far as us paying for our own shit. If she did not accept this I was prepared to tell her we’re done.

I told her that I understand she’s been with guys in the past that have been paid for the majority of things, and that she sees her cousins boyfriend handing her $100 bills on a whim, but that’s not me, and that’s never how I’m going to operate. I told her that if we’re going to move forward, she has to be ok with this.

She responded positively and accepted paying for our own selves from now on.

I let her know what I had an issue with and told her straight up with what I don’t agree with. I let her know that taking turns is not an option for us anyway, given that she never has the money on her, and that she always prolongs venmo’ing me back. I told her I do not want to be in that uncomfortable situation anymore of having to ask her to pay me back. It was handled very maturely on both ends.

As always, thanks for the unreal advice. It helped out a lot, and I’m sure it’ll help someone else in this position in the future.

Russian_Bot_737 · 2019-08-22T22:41:50+00:00

The goal of this woman is for her debts to become your debts

send_it_for_the_boys · 2019-08-23T00:05:00+00:00

You shouldn’t feel awkward or rude for asking for what’s yours, she’s the one who should feel that when when you ask her. It’s your money. Stop paying for her and if she doesn’t like it, let her walk. ABUNDANCE, it stings but it’s all you can do man.

RVCFever · 2019-08-23T01:03:23+00:00

I feel like if you could read this as a neutral person not factoring in your feelings for her you’d realise how this reads (it doesn’t sound good)

onionknightofknee · 2019-08-22T19:42:27+00:00

she should be doing IBR for her loan

L3onard3 · 2019-08-22T19:44:57+00:00

N...E... you know the rest!

kellykebab · 2019-08-22T19:57:33+00:00

She's an entitled fuck-up. Kick her to the curb

abhi_07 · 2019-08-22T20:53:43+00:00

You are becoming her plough horse. You know what to do.

Variatiion · 2019-08-22T21:19:04+00:00

sounds to me like your ex gf is really bad with money.

redaftrp · 2019-08-23T11:37:09+00:00

Split everything, if nothing else sit down with her a show her how to budget. I’m willing to bet she’s not tracking where her money goes...

LucKygg · 2019-08-23T01:04:41+00:00

Why do so many people on this sub go straight to ending relationships over one single problem? Relationships are meant to be fun, but they also require compromise because no one is perfect.

Do things you both can afford. If you consider her your LTR, you should take her out and treat her every once in a while, but it’s much more affordable to cook at home. She will also grow a new found appreciation for your generosity when you do take her out when it happens less.

Edit: her guilting you to pay is unacceptable and hopefully by you taking her out less, she realizes how disrespectful she is being and changes her behavior

-ThePathIsTheGoal- · 2019-08-22T21:14:48+00:00

HOW ARE U A GROWN ASS MAN AND MAKE A GIRL INTO YOUR LONG TERM GIRLFRIEND AND THEN PRESS HER OVER LUNCH MONEY 🤣🤣🤣

Answer this..how are you beta bucks if she sucks,fucks,cooks, cleans, follows your direction and respects you at all times?

If u think spending money on ur gf makes u beta ur either broke or retarded, plates and fwb are different.

There’s no way you would walk around with $10million in the bank and even remotely care about paying for ur girlfriends lunch. Don’t let these dorks on here fuck ya head up

Title	GF is really bad with money, and is trying to make it my problem. Need help.
Author	-ThePathIsTheGoal-
Upvotes	37
Comments	72
Date	August 22, 2019 5:11 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/cu0ess/gf_is_really_bad_with_money_and_is_trying_to_make/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/gf-is-really-bad-with-money-and-is-trying-to-make.250257 https://theredarchive.com/post/250257

Comments