Broke up with my first LTR, and a Thank You

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September 15, 2019
143 upvotes

A Thank You, and a little background

(Skip to The Ocurrence if you want to)

I would like to start off by thanking you guys for all the progress I've made as a Man.

I'm 19 years old, my birthday was 4 days ago and I discovered TheRedPill last October, funnily enough, by clicking random in reddit and ending up right here in this subreddit.

I was never a shy or ugly kid, actually, I would consider myself a very extrovert person, I have a lot of friends, went partying, girls flirted with me and last year I was school president (that's kind of a big deal where I live, I don't know what status the school president has in the USA), so I got to be a leader, learn a little bit about leadership and how to deal with all kinds of people.

CHILDHOOD

Growing up though, I had a father that paid little to no interest to me, he would beat me every now and then, sometimes with a fair reason, but others he just needed to take his anger on someone. He would never teach me anything, most things, like shaving going fishing, I had to learn by myself with the help of the internet, so how cool is that the way I learned to deal with girls was with the help of you guys?

Well, on the other hand I have my mother, overprotective, but other times she would simply turn off, I would say things like what stuff happened at school and she would ignore. I'm not mad at my parents for the actions they had with me growing up, both of them had a really rough upbringing, so I learnt not to take anything to heart.

One day I called out my dad, because everytime we discussed anything at the dinner table, he would eventually say something wrong, someone would point it out, he would get angry and every night ended up in discussion. It was months after discovering and learning the red pill. What did I say? I pointed out how he would never listen to no one and keep saying the same stuff over and over again, and then it snowballed into how he had failed me as a father, how he wouldn't be a leader to the family and how wrong it was to have beat me for no apparent reason at all. What happened after? It was the first time I watched my dad almost cry, he broke down, he said that by next Monday he would sell the house and go live on his own, and we went our ways to bed.

The next day my mom came to talk to me, she said that the discussion I had with my father affected him really positively, that he was really proud of me, and she was too, because all the stuff I said was really mature and it made them realize that I've grown up, and ever since then they act like different people, now joking around with me, asking about my day, overall treating me very well and that made me very happy.

Going back to the Red Pill philosophy

My actual problem? I had a very BluePill mindset, thought that by being kind and sweet, a girl would instantly fall in love with me, there were actually times, with the same girl, I would act a certain way and she would be all over me, and then when I showed interest by being extremely kind, would be rejected.

Virgin but not kissless, still didn't know how to makeout, and then I found this sub.

As soon I started to read some of your posts, something clicked, and then I read some more posts, started applying what I would learn here, and then 2 months after discovering it, I was consistently making out and no longer than a week later I wasn't a virgin anymore.

THE LTR IN QUESTION

At the time I was actively gaming 2 girls in my school, but ended up LTRing one of the girls, for 3 reasons.

- Didn't want to shit where I ate by risking ending up with a bad reputation if one of them discovered I was fooling around with the other

- The girl I choose was really submissive, cared for me a lot, would do anything I said with a smile on her face, and ending up earning my commitment

- I thought to myself "I know this is a mistake by TRP standarts, but eventually when this girl breaks my heart, I going to experience something I need to grow up, a hardship, and future stuff I mess up with won't feel as bad, and I'm young so I need to make mistakes".

One thing though, I entered the relationship knowing full well I was going to eventually break up with her, because one of my objetives in life is to serve in the Army, and in under no circumstance I would do a LDR.

What proceeded were 8 months of bliss, no hiccup, full of sex, hanging out with her, having the time of my life, really, the time when I went to her house, she made me lunch and then we fucked all afternoon to finish it with her swallowing my load and telling me that she was really happy, when all I had to do was be handsome and say something funny at the right time, was when I told myself "I really need to thank TRP one day for everything they allowed me to experience". When my birthday came she actually gave me a lot of stuff, my favorite chips, candy, a sweatshirt, a tshirt, and then we fooled around all night, so long as my parents didn't hear.

THANK YOU

So here it goes, I fucking owe my life to you guys, you really thought me how to become more stoic, get girls, mantain myself, actually having goals and acting on making them a reality, if not for that lucky random press I don't know how my life would be today, but sure as hell wouldn't be as cool it is today. I'm really fucking lucky, and a huge thank you to you all that contribute to this amazing philosophy, from the ones who actually make posts to the ones that lurk and only upvote, you guys changed me in the most positive way.

IF YOU SKIPPED, RESUME HERE

The Ocurrence

Throughout all of the life of the LTR, nothing abnormal happened, until today.

There was this guy that was never her boyfriend, I don't know what happened between them, but both of them liked each other and he did something that hurt her and they stopped talking to each other. It was a long time ago, but he was significant. Today I saw in her social media page (I don't have a social media, only Messenger) that she did a game where it made people guess what she said was true or not, people had to like and the question was secret, this guy liked and answered "It wasn't with intention but true". It was obviously about what happened between them. I thought just by sending this guy a message she already faulted me, but I waited if she actually told me something about this ocurrence.

We met up, started talking about normal stuff, and she mentioned that a friend of ours did a game that she found really funny, and the question she got was really funny, I said "Oh cool, that seems like a good game, did you end up doing it yourself?", she answered "I wanted to but no". This bitch was lying straight to my face.

We got home, caught her deleting stuff in her phone, took a glance at the messages and funnily enough she deleted her conversation with the guy, she didn't notice I saw everything and I didn't say anything, I was noticeably different, she asked if anything was wrong. "No, why?", I answered, but everytime she talked I would either be looking away, or looking at her with a really serious face, saying nothing. After a long time of this treatment she asked "Was it something I said?" and eventually started crying. She then said "Was it about the game? I talked to this person and that person, I said I didn't do it but I mistook it by another game, is that it?", all while not mentioning this guy, I said no to that as well.

She was supposed to have dinner, but gave her an excuse and she left earlier, and when she was leaving I kissed her goodbye with a smile and then I shifted to the most disgusted face I could do, leaving her looking at me really sad while I closed the door to her face. To be honest, the act I did at home was really funny, because I dropped hints that she wasn't going to see me again, and she would get really preoccupied that something was gonna happen, and immediately after I would confort her.

Still haven't blocked her, or said anything to her, or my parents, but my biggest fear is that either my mom or her mom calls the other for us to get back again as soon they know the news. Sad because I really liked her mother and her father, and I'm not going to hang out with them anymore.

TL:DR Caught LTR deleting her text conversation with her past significant other about this stupid game, all while lying straight to my face that she didn't do the game only to hours later to admit doing it, all while still not mentioning this guy.

QUESTIONS

- Will/Did I overreact?

- I'm really itching to get her to admit to talking to this guy, I know that when you break up with a girl you should never give her a straight explanation, but I really want to hear her words when she finally confesses, and soon after that I'm gonna block her in everything, that if 1º enables that, is what I'm doing something wrong?

- If 1º goes the obvious way, How can I prevent our parents talking to each other so we can go back together?

3º.1 - Should I even tell my parents that I broke up with her, since she belonged for a while, and they might make plans with her included?

UPDATE: On my reply to /u/Sylvester_Sterone I talk about how my parents reacted to the news.

- I already threw away the pictures of us I had in my room (She gave them 4 days ago funnily enough), plan on blocking her in all ways possible, and any pictures of us in my phone, is there anything I should do to move on faster?

MY OWN ADVICE TO GUYS NEW HERE (SKIP IF YOU WANT TO)

  • Don't dwell on your virginity so much, I saw myself losing and risking my school grades because all I could think of was how sex would be like and when I was going to finally pop the cherry, yeah sex is cool, but I can assure you that after my first time, I entered the bus on my way home and thought "This isn't such a big fucking deal, is this really what I have been thinking all of my teenage years?"
  • The girl can have a shitload of greenflags, but as soon a redflag appears it's over, yeah I'm not going to lie, there were times I thought that this girl could be the mother of my kids, I really fucking liked hanging out with her, but in the end she failed and I had to move on, because if I didn't move on, that redflag WILL grow into something worse and it gives you no advantage.
  • AWALT, I still don't know where I failed, sometimes stuff fail because they aren't under your control, there are other variables besides you, but I'm sure I wasn't the most alpha guy for this to have happened so I move on to...
  • Keep on learning and applying TheRedPill, just because you read some posts doesn't mean you know everything about the nature of women, in fact, there are other extremely important stuff on the subreddit besides girls, something I really do appreciate about this sub.
  • In the end, the only person who will stick with you through everything, is you, invest in yourself and improve yourself, because there is no one who (should) care more about you than yourself.

Post Information
Title Broke up with my first LTR, and a Thank You
Author _barroso
Upvotes 143
Comments 53
Date 15 September 2019 09:30 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit askTRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/253414
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/d4qvv7/broke_up_with_my_first_ltr_and_a_thank_you/
Similar Posts

Red Pill terms found in post:
leadershipalphaAWALTlong term relationshipLDRgamethe red pillthe blue pill
Comments

[–]Elprez9147 points48 points  (1 child) | Copy

Love the last bit IN THE END. Good stuff stay true to yourself brother.

[–]_barroso[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

Wish you luck in the future!

[–]imahoaxandacoach32 points33 points  (6 children) | Copy

It was AT LEAST a huge red flag.

[–]_barroso[S] 18 points19 points  (5 children) | Copy

Thank you for replying, I actually didn’t want to post because most of you complain about the quality of the posts. Feels good to know that I’m making the right decision.

[–]imahoaxandacoach14 points15 points  (3 children) | Copy

You would never really trust her again, and was a matter of time until she did something.

Regarding the parents: how would they make you get together man?

Edit: I would not fish for answers and really would not explain myself and give her closure.

[–]_barroso[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

They wouldn't make us get together, because I would simply refuse further communication with her (the LTR), I just don't want to be seen as the bad guy by my mother, as if what occurred was my fault.

[–]imahoaxandacoach14 points15 points  (1 child) | Copy

You seem young so I'll go nice here: tell your mother that you dont trust your ex or that she cant be trusted.

[–]_barroso[S] 13 points14 points  (0 children) | Copy

Hahahaha, I guess I wasn't being honest to myself when I made that question.

As soon as my mother knows what happened, I won't care what she says, because for one I'm doing the right decision here, second her opinion won't affect me and she will forget this in the future, thank you.

[–]MisterMarbles19884 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

I broke up with an LTR for a similar reason as you. Great girl, madly in love with each other, but fuck that shit.

[–]Snowaey36 points37 points  (1 child) | Copy

She went behind your back, you can't trust her ever again, just break up with her even though you might feel like shit, because you would feel even shittier if you found out she fucked that guy when you were still together.

You're 19 (like me fyi), just spin plates and you will most likely find someone better eventually.

Keep looking after yourself brother.

[–]_barroso[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy

I told myself that after this one it was going to be plates for a long while. Yeah I kind of feel bad but I’m not feeling emotional or crying.

[–]amphix33919 points20 points  (3 children) | Copy

If both parents know each other, soft next her so she/they won't try to ruin ur reputation. Just tell your parents she wasn't what you were looking for, keep it short and they'll understand.

I'm sure she knows what she did, so no point in explaining

Also, you're red pilled in the right way. Keep it up brother

[–]Andrew543217 points8 points  (1 child) | Copy

Scolding a woman is not the way to get her to override her hypergamous/alpha-widowed self.

Should learn for herself.

“The greatest truths are those we discover for outselves.”

[–]_barroso[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

I think you replied to the wrong comment, but I agree with you.

[–]_barroso[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

I don’t know if her influence would affect my social circle now, her mom only knows my mom, and LTR and I are in different schools now.

Yeah she knows exactly what she did, there’s no doubt on that, and like you said, I’m going to tell my parents and keep it short, either they understand or not isn’t relevant now.

Thank you for the reply, wish you success in everything!

[–]agjrpsl13 points14 points  (1 child) | Copy

Women lie all the time. Guys are always in their inbox. Omitting the guy she played the game with was preach of trust.

[–]_barroso[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Preach brother!

[–]T929212 points13 points  (2 children) | Copy

Tell her it’s over by phoning her and telling her that her stuff is at (insert location here). Follow that up by ‘ok great, I have to go now. Bye!’. Hang up, never talk to her ever again. She’s dead to you. No you can’t plate her. You’re 19 and I don’t think it’s likely that you can keep your feelings out of it. Tell your parents casually that it’s done with this lady like while doing the dishes. Present it as though it’s just another conversation topic and they’ll respond just as calmly. ‘It just didn’t work out.’

The remainder of your questions are just non essential. The hell do you care about this guy and this girl? Next. Focus on your goals, not your feelings about some guy flirting with your girl.

[–]_barroso[S] 3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy

Actually I disposed of a sweatshirt she had at my place by telling her she might be cold on the way home, so there's no need for that.

You are right about telling my parents I broke up with her casually, it makes a lot of sense, I don't expect them to react casually, but in the end it's the right decision and they will forget all this in the future.

Thanks for the reply.

[–]T92921 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Bit more focus on yourself and your own needs, but less focus on other people’s feelings and thoughts. Otherwise great job.

[–]Rodent912 points13 points  (1 child) | Copy

Nice post. I encourage you to reread it in a few years and make a new one with lessons since learnt and more advice. Cheers.

[–]_barroso[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

Thank you! Planning on lurking like I used to since I discovered TheRedPill almost a year ago, probably going to post next time something major happens in my life, definately going to put all the lessons I learned throughout the years. Cheers!

[–]Shanguerrilla6 points7 points  (3 children) | Copy

QUESTIONS

- Will/Did I overreact?

NO! Not at all, but damn if you didn't do 'the thing' for 'the thing' right at 'the time' I've fucked up in a lot of past LTR's by doubting myself and asking this question too many times. YOU DID NOT OVERREACT, you somehow acted messurately in such a foreign fashion even a lot of guys here don't understand- but you got the right answer to a question most (myself included) habitually FAIL. Of course that would lead you to doubt yourself, others are. Take that as a challenge, but don't wonder this question AFTER you act. Make peace by then or ask that question before we act so not out of emotion or a "RE"action.. that's worse than just overreacting and then still- forget about it, make peace, move on. Better you overreact that REact. So don't let this question or doubt about 'what could be' a reaction.

- I'm really itching to get her to admit to talking to this guy, I know that when you break up with a girl you should never give her a straight explanation, but I really want to hear her words when she finally confesses, and soon after that I'm gonna block her in everything, that if 1º enables that, is what I'm doing something wrong?

Go to the pharmacy and get some kind of a cream to deal with your itchiness and any allergies you have. DO NOT give a fuck about 'trying to get her to admit'. First off, that would default back to as bad or worse than if you'd just gone and FAILED to do that 99.99 percentile damn good job on step 1 of seeing and acting and treating this for what it is and means, if nothing else for good reason to you. YOUR feelings and needs and perceptions matter- that's all that matters. YOU FUCKING KNOW she talked to him, so what? This 'itch' if scratched means you lose, but you can still learn if so. Quelch that without her validation. She will take it as you being weak and only farther "see the issue" misconstrued and painted as you being insecure and it being about the benign contact on facebook. Well, so what if people think or gossip that, BUT don't do that. Because you and I KNOW that wasn't the issue.

I will save you a large part of my life's woes until 35 if you hear this: YOU WILL NEVER EVER EVER DO ANYTHING EXCEPT fuck your life up and fall down a rabbit hole, trade your frame for hers plus a bag of termites. ...if YOU or YOUR EGO needs or pursues a woman to "tell the truth" when they lie or "just come around and see" or "just admit" or "just listen to".... No. That is NOT healthy and NOT what you are going to choose, you wouldn't be happy and you'd only be pulling out of the investments you've made in yourself to purchase something the opposite of satisfying.

- If 1º goes the obvious way, How can I prevent our parents talking to each other so we can go back together?

Don't. You can't. What you do, is you do not get involved in gossip about it. Even if it is utter shit spoke about you. Walk through it and DO NOT get caught up in that game of this question. Any of that or what you are thinking or worrying about here. TREAT IT the way you would if a Nigerian claimed to have pictures of you to blackmail unless you pay and keep paying them OR ELSE they will HUMILIATE you to all your facebook contacts?! GASPS?! So what? You're a man, you don't care what they think but they would care less for you if you handle this by not being stoic and THE MAN in the situation. The one not getting defensive or attacking / spreading info, informing either parents.. Just deal with reality and shit as it ACTUALLY comes, not as you fear it. BUT WORST CASE is to get involved in trying to prevent, shape, or control that propaganda game and losing the fight for what you actually want in the fight over image and 'who is the victim' HINT- you lose, no matter any facts or best put argument bud.

3º.1 - Should I even tell my parents that I broke up with her, since she belonged for a while, and they might make plans with her included?

[edit-- woops I think I read / answered it as if you asked about telling HER parents. Yea man, you can tell your parents if you want! That's why you have family, but only if you can trust them or feel it would HELP YOU (not her or them or anyone else) more than if you don't tell them]

She isn't your problem and that stuff isn't. She can tell her parents or friends WHATEVER SHE WANTS, and the more you worry or try to prevent it, if she is a truly dangerous woman like I've known a few, then the more and more successfully she will do what you fear. Just don't fear it, that isn't your problem and you ALSO can't control whatever her family and friends believe (or in their turn say). Still another good exercise to walk through without stopping and getting held up to again back to a failure trap after missing the previous 3...

- I already threw away the pictures of us I had in my room (She gave them 4 days ago funnily enough), plan on blocking her in all ways possible, and any pictures of us in my phone, is there anything I should do to move on faster?

Good job man. You first and this last one- these two you honestly handled better than I do or would for your goal here and forward (and better than most men, even here). That is good shit, I think you're doing the things that you need to move on faster, but focus on fuller or into a healthier state than before or happier / productive / purposefully instead-- look for a goal in this OTHER than "faster," I'd suggest.

In prove "you're doing the best shit right now" besides your really good posts here, is the fact that you asked questions. You didn't inform and be an expert or defensive. But not only that, your really asked the right questions to ask if ANY of those are on your mind as they are. And I get it, I really do, but I also 'get' how remarkable you've done so far and the questions you've asked WERE literal tripmines to turn your success into a failure. Don't worry about if you did the right thing, overreacted, or are moving on fast enough. Those were trick questions that needed to be asked to stop asking ourselves. The other ones that 'feel' like you HAVE TO ACT on, those were trick questions. Your subconscious is almost as tricky as the smartest of them's womenfolk!

For real, you did awesome and you are doing great. I would say I wasn't anywhere near as mature as you at all in college age.... but frankly you may be mature than my mid 30's ass. You damn sure passed a test that I'm pretty sure might get Tommy Lee Jones to try to scout you for the MIB.

[–]_barroso[S] 2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

I really had some doubts when I came to this conclusion, but my instinct was telling me it was the right thing, just needed confirmation and some analysis of the situation from the point of view of everyone.

About calling her or not so she could finally admit to it, I didn’t and I ended up understanding why it was a wrong thing to do, I know for a fact what she did, her saying it wouldn’t change anything, and it should no longer be my business what and the other guy do. The itch is gone.

Mentioning the parents and the gossip, I guess I forgot to be stoic in that matter, I can’t control what other people say or think of me, what really matters is my happiness and doing the right decision, either others understand it or not. I agree with you that no matter what, I’m going to be seen as the bad guy by her social circle, but that’s it, her social circle and not mine, so I finally came to terms with that.

Thank you for all of the observations, yeah I learned a lot in this sub and plan to continue doing so, wish you luck in your obstacles, like we all have to eventually deal with, sooner or later.

[–]Shanguerrilla1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Good man! I was pretty sure either you would, just hoped you would BEFORE you called haha. You're doing absolutely awesome through a time period that 'happens' to most people that age, you handled it the way that most honored you. The decision that you'd wisely guessed you'd most regret NOT making tomorrow. You handled it great.

Now after or doing anything in life. So, even if it was a different girl you were wanting to talk to about this, I'd have suggested the same. You don't have to talk to me, but one of the most valuable parts of my few closest guy friends decades later... That's the kind of stuff you can talk to your friends about (or here or somewhere you get good advice for you... but if your friends can't give you good advice sometimes, like during a breakup might need to prospect some better friends).

While we don't "talk about our feelings" to women (bar none- not the one involved in the feeling you want to discuss), that shit is useful with your brother during times like this to HELP US get those questions and doubts or uncertainties out of our head. Because there is no failure in having feelings, doubts, uncertainty. My comments on that in the previous comment relate more to when we don't WooosHaa and find a way to accept our own answer (be that with backing from friends, or whatever process works for you).

In fact, your isolating the questions to ask yourself, willingness to ask us and then trying to take what has value from the answers. Can you describe any more productive or mature way for a person to behave during any stressful time or self doubt... let alone during a pretty rough breakup not too late in one's romantic life? I can't. It's okay to question, just not to question your answer after a point, just like you did. It's BETTER to ask those questions or realize what and why you feel like doing what you do (like you did) and instead taking the actions that best suit the outcome you want (again.. you're doing it man).

Alright, it's super, early late a day and more since I've slept so if somewhere in there it goes off the rail and suggests anything dangerous- don't do that part! I need sleep. Great post for the sub, all the way around and you really handled this and are looking like a prime example of TRP being a very positive factor in a young man's life. You've got this, trust yourself and you're in really good hands.

[–]_barroso[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Oh I didn’t call her, she’s still as blocked as she was yesterday. Haven’t talked to her since she left.

About venting with someone, I agree with you completely, in fact, I sometimes wonder if it’s bad for your mental health on long term if you try to suck up everything, but like you said, never with a woman.

I’m sure I will continue posting if the occasion arises because I’m sure this is where I can get the most quality answers. Even though everyone is influenced by everyone, I can definitely tell my quality friends from the no so useful friends.

Thank you again for contributing

[–]marcus8crassus3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

Well done. It’s better you ended things now. Disloyalty should only be rewarded in kind.

[–]ValorElite7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy

What kind of game was this? I don't understand

[–]Dimenzije904 points5 points  (3 children) | Copy

You got some balls. Not many guys would do this to a girls who was showing tons of green flags. But you did the right thing and you know what. Even if she gets with that guy she will be thinking about you i promise you that. Girls love what they can't have. You can expect her contacting you sooner or later. And imo youre too young for anything serious but also if you find her hot and exciting you can take her back just for that. No need to cut yourself short of pleasure. But the best thing would be to find another girl.

[–]_barroso[S] 4 points5 points  (2 children) | Copy

Through the duration of this relationship she treated me very well, I can’t deny that, but I simply cannot allow this type of behaviour to pass, like many others said, it was only a matter of time until this kind of disrespect got worse.

I don’t think it would be healthy of me to get back with her, or even plating her, because I don’t want to reward those actions, or even give her validation by having sex with her knowing fully well what she did.

But other girls on the other hand, shit, it’s hunting season, really excited

[–]Dimenzije901 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

That's the right mindset. All the best.

[–]AWALT990 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Damn bro, at 19 and having this mindset. Big respect for you young brother. You will go far in life. Learning not to tolerate shit in LTRs or life in general is indicative of a strong character. Keep this shit up.

[–]Endorsed Contributoritiswr1tten3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

and when she was leaving I kissed her goodbye with a smile and then I shifted to the most disgusted face I could do, leaving her looking at me really sad while I closed the door to her face

I'm proud of you. Good FR.

Thank you for coming and posting your story. It's rare contributors like you who stick around just long enough to tell us your success story before leaving.

[–]Nergaal13 points14 points  (12 children) | Copy

Am I missing something? Did she do anything meaningful with that guy? Are you mate guarding your SO to not interact with another male friend? At worst she is way too young to know ahead of time what is "wrong" and you blowing things up is strange. Unless I am missing something big, you should learn to get over yourself with insignificant crap. I am not saying get bluepilled, but at least you should have given her the option to "repent" for her actions.

[–]_barroso[S] 34 points35 points  (11 children) | Copy

I don’t agree with you, because she showed signs of trickle truth, first by telling me she didn’t do anything to admiting she did something, she even told me “everyone” involved, omitting only this guy. But even if it was a honest mistake, why on earth would she delete her conversation with this guy? Little lies grow into big lies.

[–]TheLonelyWind20 points21 points  (7 children) | Copy

I agree with you OP, the issue isn't so much that she talked to another man, it's that she tried to hide it from you. You did the right thing. Great post.

[–]_barroso[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy

Thank you, tried to put effort into the post since the quality of this sub has been declining.

[–]Nergaal-1 points0 points  (5 children) | Copy

Sure, but it's not like this sort of behavior seems to have been recurring. It's not like she forgot to tell OP that she tripped onto the guy's dick. Seems like the girl here had a bunch of green flags, and blowing everything at the first sign of lying by omission instead of "training" her not to lie anymore, seems a bit over the top.

[–]_barroso[S] 10 points11 points  (4 children) | Copy

I think if I forgave what she had done, it would only make her try to hide the next stuff better.

[–]MisterMarbles198811 points12 points  (0 children) | Copy

Ding ding ding! Every time you "catch" her in a lie, she gains intel on how your caught her and adjusts her techniques and practices for the future. Well learned, OP.

[–]Shanguerrilla1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

YOU are RIGHT!

You are the one younger guy I really feel won't ever make this mistake- but I implore you never use the scientific method and try it to find out

[–]Nergaal1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Sure, but that happens with any person the older one gets. Your future LTR will have learned to lie better than your ex. What is more important than anything is if she respects you. A kid doesn't really respect its parents unless the parents teach the kid well. It's unclear to me if she actually had lost respect for you to do that. If you wanted to find a reason to end this LTR fine, but it's unclear to me if this was a more than a yellow flag. Depends where you live, quality girls might be hard to come by. If you have one lined up go for it.

[–]_barroso[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

We don’t have the same point of view, but still, I assure you I will try that with a future plate. Thank you for your input and good luck with your future.

[–]Shanguerrilla2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

You are VERY correct ahead of your years here. Great post all around honestly, but you handled it perfect. Hell, I've divorced a shitshow that grew from those same same "little red flags" (same- emotional reasoning, 'trickable truth' shit as one of the first and foundational BS), and I STILL wouldn't have seen that as clearly and acted as efficiently as you did in the moment. But I've made the mistake so damn many times, I mean I get there- but fuck I'd only save myself so much and have more to invest in myself or more rewarding endeavours IF I'd left when I should have. When you did. Because that IS a very bad sign and having spent until my 30's just slowly making the mistake for "less amount of time" relationship by relationship.. finally doing that a little better each time.

You weren't lying though about personally learning a lot from the internet because shit, you really did well, for the right reasons and made the hard things look so easy guys like this guy are a pedestrian looking at a game between master chess players (and don't see the CERTAINTIES that are only a few moves away at that point). I do, because I've lost enough games to fail to the next grade, beat my head in that wall with a lot of women I made mistakes for. You did it with the man you are already today at 19 years old and used the worldwide web of man's wisdom- to learn from others mistakes.

THAT is how to properly invest in you!

Hell you're already a philanthropist, look at the comment I'm replying to, you're freely giving your time to try to help this guy avoid needlessly costing his life to learn this lesson from his own mistakes instead of the wisdom to open one's eyes more.

[–]MisterMarbles19881 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Someone endorse this young man. He has it figured out at 19. Shit dude, you have a great life ahead of you with that head on your shoulders. Great self-respect, and much respect from me for your decisiveness.

[–]Shanguerrilla1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Right!? I'm fucking impressed and strangely proud as a stranger but lurker / sub here. I feel like one of the three 62,000 men and a baby!

[–]GatienCash1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

I like your post. You did pretty great, especially at 19 yo.

I went through a similar experience with my first LTR at 16 yo, concerning the family stuff. 2 years later, I was bored as fuck and I wanted to experience more things (ie. fuck girls). But I had gone on holidays with my parents and her one summer, and another summer with her parents. Her parents loved me and my parents, especially my mom, loved her too. I was scared to break up considering that. It was not only breaking up with her, it was confronting her family and explaining it to my parents.

Long story short, I broke up at 20 yo with 2 last years of total bullshit and zero love.

My advices for now:

  1. You don't give a shit about your parents. You don't even have to justify anything. You are 19 yo, it's your private life, you owe them nothing.
  2. You don't give a shit about her parents. They were nice to you and they like you. If you run into them, be respectful and polite. That's it. They are not your friends, they are not your family.

My advice for the future:

  1. Never get your parents directly involved in your LTR. This is what I learnt the hard way. From the end of my first LTR, I never introduced someone again to my family. I don't mix my family and my LTR. Final point. And I don't meet my family's LTR. There is no debate. I just don't.

[–]_barroso[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Really respect that experience! In the end you left to do what made you happy, the right decision. At the end of the day, who really has a say on your relationship and your happiness is you, not your parents. Bet you have learned a lot since then.

I actually got to know her parents early in the LTR, but I hid her from my parents until really late, like last month or two, because they found a letter she wrote me, and my sister heard me talking to her one day.

Thank you for the advice, it makes completely sense and I plan on applying everything.

[–]InspirationO1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Thank YOU for bringing value and making an effort!

As for the LTR, You made the right decision by nexting after such a big red flag. You maintained the frame and showed that if she messes with another one she IS being left.

She received a lesson, and more importantly You are now free to spin and enjoy your TRP life to the fullest.

Keep on killing

[–]_barroso[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

You are now free to spin and enjoy your TRP life to the fullest.

That's all I have been thinking of since I ended things with her. Man I can't wait

[–]Sylvester_Sterone1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

Bravo that you had a boundary set and reinforced it. Hell you don't even use social media so keep it up.

What was the true/false statement she made where everyone answered? However you mentioned that it was a secret and the guy answered this question. If that is the case.. who knows what the statement was about and it's not worth dwelling about it.

Women are always going to have guys from the past and present message them. The key is not giving a damn because at the end of the day she's still seeing you and putting out. Some of them might even try a "Girls Night Out" or a weekend vacation if they feel that they are missing something from the relationship.

What will you do when that happens?

However it's not good that she lied to you and trickled truthed. You had a boundary and enforced it.

As for parents... you are 19 now and can make decisions about who you see. Your mother might say something but just say you moved on. I wouldn't give the girl closure and would remain no contact. This could keep her hamstering even if she went back to the original girl. She will most likely reach out to you within 6 months.

[–]_barroso[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

The statements could be whatever she wanted, some of the answers you could obviously guess that they were banter/shenanigans, but I strongly suspect the statement she made to him was something about their past. Even if it wasn't. even if it was only the most playful kind of reply, I find it not that great, just like you said, her lying to me and eventually tell me some of the truth, but still not the whole picture.

About the guys, she would often tell me about guys hitting on her, to see how I would react, I always replied jokingly, "You should've given them a chance" and she used to say "I don't need to, because I already have you". If she happened to have a "Girls Night Out", I would start mentally preparing myself and my plan in case things go south, I think by then I would've picked up alot of signs, but finishing it, you are completely right in not giving a damn at the end of the day.

As for my parents, they already know, my father found the pictures in the garbage bin, he told me something in the lines of "You can dislike the pictures, but you don't have to throw them away" playing with me, then I simply told him, I broke up with her. Both of them were kind of shocked, I could tell they were keeping asking the same questions so as to know what exactly happened, but I simply told them that she wasn't trustworthy and that she messed up real time.

I was kind of surprised how quickly they took my word for it and they even didn't want to know her "side" of the story. Heard them later talking to each other and my father saying "Damn he caught her doing something he didn't liked and really cut it right there and then, leaving no opportunity of discussion." because earlier they told me, that yeah, they didn't know what really happened, but I at least could've waited for a second mistake to have acted so severely.

I'm now completely sure that I made the right decision, don't feel sad to be honest, but I wonder if that could change in the future, but I find that unlikely, but even if that happens, I won't go back on my word.

[–]TheDopestPope1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I liked reading your post, thanks for writing. Stick to your guns, start hitting on other girls. Don't let her try and meet up with you to discuss or talk about it. Unless you want to watch her cry and emotionally manipulate you into getting back with her.



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