Are late bloomers stunted? What are your thoughts?

[deleted] · 2018-07-04T23:43:22+00:00

Well yeah, if you miss out on experiences most people have, you by definition have missed out on potential development that others have experienced.

This will of course cause anxiety, insecurity, and make it harder to fit in socially.

It's not the death trap incels think it is, but it is a setback for sure. One that can be overcome for the vast majority though. CDC stats show clearly that the number of male virgins by the time you get to mid-age is tiny even though that number is bigger in the 20's age group.

So most of those late bloomers still end up getting laid, it's just more difficult.

SkookumTree · 2018-07-05T00:51:29+00:00

A better question: are late bloomers affected for life by it? Lots of confounding factors though.

Katinka-pie · 2018-07-05T13:53:00+00:00

Depends on the person in a lot of cases. I lost my virginity a month before my 23rd birthday, it did help with maturing and opening a whole new part of life I was completely unaware of. I am doing totally OK now and no one would guess I lost my virginity that old.

On the other hand I have a female friend that's 28 and a virgin.... And not religious. She is one weird duck. I can probably safely bet money she would be dying a virgin, tho I sincerely hope that's not the case.

DXBrigade · 2018-07-05T20:36:19+00:00

As a 24F late bloomer, I can say that late bloomers tend to have low self-esteem,we feel abnormal.
However, I don't think theres is a correlation between maturity and experience. I know people with load of experience who are very immature. Plus not all experience is good, at least late-bloomers don't carry any baggage.

sublimemongrel · 2018-07-05T00:34:29+00:00

I would say they are romantically behind, they obviously lack romantic experience. I am not sure this means they are developmentally behind or immature. Might be indicative of social problems, but I would think lacking social skills and an inability to obtain some romantic success on a generally normal timeline would go hand in hand.

wtknight · 2018-07-05T01:50:03+00:00

Does this lack of experience stunt them socially?

Most were probably stunted socially to begin with. Lack of success in relationships and sex is just a symptom of this.

Do they have some catching up to do?

The best thing they can probably do is try to find women who are similarly inexperienced.

do you think they are less mature when compared to adjust adolescent who has had romantic experiences?

Less mature in what way? I think that maturity can often be obtained through persevering and succeeding through hardship, and a late bloomer who is eventually successful may value what he has much more than someone who had it easier.

Five_Decades · 2018-07-05T03:37:11+00:00

Lots of times it is due to psychological blocks.

Mental illness, self esteem issues, things like that. Usually SMV isn't the issue. Lots of ugly people hook up in their teens and 20s with other ugly people.

Some people have those blocks, but then fix them eventually. So there may be people on the market at 30 who are fine catches, but they weren't in their teens or 20s.

Dark_Lord_A · 2018-07-05T03:31:47+00:00

If you're a late bloomer and a male, women will find you less desirable because of no experience which shows in your body language, timidity, etc. Which is likely to prolong your period of being a late bloomer ... which is likely to make you seem more unattractive, etc.

Gravel_Roads · 2018-07-05T08:56:30+00:00

Nope. It means literally nothing other than that the person has not had sexual experience yet.

In example: I HATE most forms of dating. I'm not interested in "demonstrating my value" for the entertainment of randos (men OR women), so I spent most of my life rejecting people when they asked me out. Being bi in very sex-positive queer circles, I had no lack of opportunity to experience intimacy, I just simply didn't feel like it.

I'm currently in a happy, well-adjusted LTR that does not seem to be negatively affected by the fact that I turned away sex until I was in my mid-20's.

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yasee · 2018-07-05T00:23:54+00:00

generally yes but it's not insurmountable and there are also plenty of other ways you can get screwed up in your teens/early adulthood

[deleted] · 2018-07-05T01:07:59+00:00

Romantically? Sure.

But not necessarily in other areas of life.

Dissentient · 2018-07-05T07:07:01+00:00

I'm 25M who has never had any romantic or sexual experiences in my life.

Are they developmentally behind?

Depends on the reasons they never did it in the first place.

Does this lack of experience stunt them socially?

Depends mostly on social cirlces you want to belong to. For me, not at all, and I don't have to hide it.

Do they have some catching up to do?

If they want to have sex or romantic relationships, they will have to start with a significant disadvantage. If they don't, it's irrelevant.

Also, because of their situation, do you think they are less mature when compared to adjust adolescent who has had romantic experiences?

Based on my observations, I don't believe there's any correlation between romantic experiences and maturity.

mistercheeez-o____O- · 2018-07-05T21:53:11+00:00

It definitely has affected me. I have moments where I am attractive to women and they are very impressed with me, but the lack of self-esteem can creep up on me, and it has caused me to botch many opportunities.

I adjust my approach to feel less pressure and be my natural self with women. They respond better to that, but every now and again you get that voice in your head that comes back and tries to knock you down.

Before my first relationship it was a constant feeling of not being good enough, and the lack of intimacy may not of been the sole cause but it definitely amplified it greatly.

Being a late bloomer, but not for any lack of trying, has made it difficult for me to reach orgasm when hooking up with a woman that I do not know very well, so I don't even seek that type gratification. I instead pursue more of a sensual experience, and it feels amazing anyway, but I can't get off if I don't trust her so ONS are not as exciting as they could potentially be.

I am extremely appreciative and committed to a relationship when I have the pleasure of being in one. I am affectionate and very sexual, but the plethora of rejections that I have faced and the isolation I have felt, when a woman claims to reciprocate the love... I can't believe her. (I obviously don't tell them that though, but I felt so unlovable for such a long time that It's hard for me to truly grasp why a woman would even love me). I can sometimes react by being a bit distant.

I have taken some risks sexually that I shouldn't have, and it was in part because I felt like I couldn't afford to pass up an opportunity in virtue of it being so seemingly scarce to me. Thankfully this hasn't resulted in kids or an STI. That's probably the most regrettable aspect of my journey, and I feel pretty disgusted about how irresponsible and desperate that behaviour was.

TBH It's getting better now. It feels very laborious to chase that voice away. The one that tells you that you are not worthy of intimacy, companionship and a loving relationship, but it's not a rational way of thinking, and I can acknowledge this now.

I put less pressure on myself to be impressive, and double down on the standards that I have set to become my true self. I put way more importance on being an integral person rather than one who seeks only to entice and please . It's more responsive, and it's more enjoyable to live this way.

So when that voice comes back, I try and do something productive or fulfilling instead of dwelling on my past, and when I feel lonely I practice one of my passions. I may also go for a walk and listen to music or kick it with some friends. I have amassed a great circle of people that I care deeply for, that seems to take the edge off at times.

[deleted] · 2018-07-08T20:42:10+00:00

Not necessarily. Maybe they simply fall within the demographic that will not end up finding someone or mating as there always was a certain percentage of any population that did not end reproducing throughout history.

Or they still have to learn to adjust their standards if they haven't yet learned where they fall in the SMV (though usually most people learn that by their teens so they might be a bit of a slow learner in that regard). They might experience more success after they adapt and go for better matched people.

AlanHalworth · 2018-07-04T23:50:07+00:00

I think that having your first relationship changes your perspective a lot. It makes you realize that what you are looking for is actual relationships, not childish crushes that you don't act on, not chasing after someone who is a 10 when you are a 7 and ignoring all the other 7's. Men start to realize that they have to take initiative, assert themselves, etc. They also start to lose the "women are wonderful" or women are objects of devotion, and see that women are people. However, if you are a late bloomer, you haven't figured these things out, yet you are competing with people who _have_ figured them out. This means you will tend to be behind for a long time. (Of course, the causality could also be the opposite; perhaps men who lack initiative and assertiveness are late bloomers for that reason.)

passepar2t · 2018-07-05T13:46:23+00:00

Yes, they're obviously stunted and less mature. They don't progress through the stages of development at the same pace as their peers.

Title	Are late bloomers stunted? What are your thoughts?
Author	Looksmaxxing
Upvotes	1
Comments	27
Date	July 4, 2018 11:25 PM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/8w5xm6/are_late_bloomers_stunted_what_are_your_thoughts/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/are-late-bloomers-stunted-what-are-your-thoughts.261656 https://theredarchive.com/post/261656

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