I’d like to get my boyfriends to stop forcing sex. Is it possible that this is viewed as LMR?

[deleted] · 2017-12-23T09:12:42+00:00

What you are describing is rape. Talk to a therapist.

MercedesBenzoAMG · 2017-12-23T09:35:23+00:00

This is literally rape. If all your boyfriends are raping you then you're picking some really shitty ones. Therapy ain't a bad idea.

a_mans_perspective · 2017-12-23T09:14:04+00:00

Disclaimer: You should talk to a therapist, none of this is your fault.

But, since you asked about what's going on in the heads of these men:

They do this because they're confused and likely inexperienced about sex, and somewhat selfish. They probably have a bunch of messages floating in their head about how sex is something you get from a woman after her resisting and playing hard to get. They then interpret some of your behavior as a 'go signal' to have sex while ignoring the stop signals... because they're already aroused and in a hormone driven state, it becomes easy to rationalize certain things.

Maybe they've even had similar experiences with other girls in the past, where the girl started out saying "no", but eventually came around. Maybe they've watched certain types of porn where the woman says "no" a lot by default (JAV). I've personally been with women who will say no while being the initiator, ie, dry humping me. I'm not trying to excuse anything, but if you're curious why otherwise good men (or at least publicly viewed as such) would do this, this is some of it.

Having said that... the men who did this to you did it multiple times. That's well into rapist territory. I'm assuming you made your negative feelings about what happened clear, and yet they proceeded to ignore you and ignore your firm "no" a second/third time. That's seriously messed up. For your own sake, I think you need to start leaving relationships when they show any indication of being like this. Don't wait to be raped a third time. I hope your therapist helps you find some peace after all this.

Atlas_B_Shruggin · 2017-12-23T08:52:11+00:00

deleted ^{^{^What}} ^{^{^is}} ^{^{^this?}}

ThatKassiusGuy · 2017-12-23T08:56:23+00:00

Have you considered that you aren't really going out with 'decent' guys?

I can only speak from my perspective of course but I imagine the excuse of 'work being stressful so give me sex' stems from the man thinking you owe them because of the hard work they think they do, search up 'covert contract'. These sort of things aren't associated with real decent guys but from men with 'Nice guy' syndrome. Another thing to look up.

Sorry to hear that you're going through that sort of shit but you should really reconsider how you approach this sort of situation if it arises again.

[deleted] · 2017-12-23T11:15:17+00:00

This must be a joke. Seriously, it is like bizarre in every possible way.

PBRScagsquad · 2017-12-23T12:06:36+00:00

Yeah this is probably a form of rape. You should tell your therapist and maybe try to work out why you keep attracting men like this. Also as for why some guys keep going, to steal a quote that describes their mindset in the heat of the moment, "a penis has no conscience".

freejosephk · 2017-12-23T12:24:30+00:00

I don't know how common this is. I've never done anything close to this to a woman. I hope, I imagine none of my close friends have either. I'm really sorry about this. Speak up next time. Shout. You do not deserve this kind of insensitive treatment. I think most people would agree that behavior is criminal.

larrythetomato · 2017-12-23T11:10:29+00:00

Random internet people are definitely not qualified to advise you. Talk to close friends or qualified therapists.

In the bedroom, saying no and stop aren't always signals to stop. Getting up and leaving definitely is. Next time anything happens that you really don't want, leave the area. If he stops you, then we are pushing in to rape territory.

Plopolok · 2017-12-23T10:27:34+00:00

You should take in consideration that there is a tendency in the female psyche to be aroused by being handled ruthlessly, even to the point of being raped. So, your exes might have been "trained" to act like this by other girls who did enjoy it. They were still wrong, especially if it happened more than once.

If it happens again, obviously you should try to make your "no" more non-negotiable: scream, make it clear that you'll break up with him afterwards, and maybe even sue him.

Alternatively, well, negotiating is also a possibility... I know it sounds creepy, but giving your boyfriend a quick blowjob, or even just a handjob, to "relieve his stress" can help a lot to keep him happy and loving.

AutoModerator · 2017-12-23T08:33:27+00:00

Attention!

You can post off topic/jokes/puns as a comment to this Automoderator message.
For "CMV" and "Question for X" Threads: Parent comments that aren't from the target group will be removed, along with their child replies.
If you want to agree with OP instead of challenging their view or if the question is not targeted at you, post it as an answer to this comment.
OP you can choose your own flair according to these guidelines., just press Flair under your post!

Thanks for your cooperation and enjoy the discussion!

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

dead_pixel_design · 2017-12-23T09:14:54+00:00

I'm sorry this has been your experience. I can't offer insight from a female perspective but I can hopefully offer some reassurance that not all men are like this, and I would never force a girl to go further than she was comfortable going. And I wouldn't feel comfortable if I could tell my partner was not comfortable. Ultimately though, it IS rape, and you have a right to say no, and have that wish respected. I would strongly suggest you talk with your therapist about it, they are there to help.

I do not consider someone a decent guy if they are not willing to respect that you want to stop, because that shows that they put their enjoyment first no matter how it hurts someone else.

despisedlove2 · 2017-12-23T12:34:32+00:00

Sounds like rape.

NalkaNalka · 2017-12-23T12:58:35+00:00

You seem to be drawn to selfish men who don't care about running roughshod over other people's boundaries.

If it was just one guy I would say you just had bad luck to meet a bad apple. But guys like that are a very small minority and if all but one of your bfs is like that then clearly you are seeking them out unconsciously.

What are the qualities that you find attractive in a man? How is your vetting process? Do you ignore red flags like the guy being very pushy, selfish and not gaf about other's boundries?

Therapy would probably be a good idea.

Edit: On reading the OP a second time I see some very vague language about what exactly happened. Going to need more details on exactly how things went down.

[deleted] · 2017-12-23T08:54:40+00:00

[permanently deleted]

MMAchica · 2017-12-23T08:55:10+00:00

TL;DR - Sometimes my boyfriends have kept going with sex after I’ve said stop or it’s painful. Why do they do this and how do I make it stop?

I'm gonna take a wild guess and say that you probably had an abusive and traumatic childhood. Just going off of what is in the post, it sounds like you are subconsciously seeking out sexual predators to re-live the trauma; something that is quite common.

No one here can give you the kind of help you need because you need to be talking to a qualified therapist.

Jammerly1 · 2017-12-23T09:47:40+00:00

When my GFs sex drive drops below mine that’s normally time to break up.

It’s why i just rotate fuckbuddies.

Title	I’d like to get my boyfriends to stop forcing sex. Is it possible that this is viewed as LMR?
Author	Jammerly1
Upvotes	4
Comments	84
Date	December 23, 2017 8:33 AM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/7lnml1/id_like_to_get_my_boyfriends_to_stop_forcing_sex/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/id-like-to-get-my-boyfriends-to-stop-forcing-sex.264392 https://theredarchive.com/post/264392

Comments