"The changing reasons why women cheat on their husbands"

[deleted] · 2017-10-06T14:29:36+00:00

No, it's not justified at all. If you aren't enjoying how things are going you should speak up and set boundaries, not just sit there and fume like you have no agency before going off behind your partner's back

BPremium · 2017-10-06T14:37:55+00:00

Notice how the number one complaint from married women is they're husbands are gasp "boring". If that isnt the lamest fucking copout ever made up, it should be. And it gives creedence to the "women are mentally children" tenet. Because who needs constant entertainment provided for them? Children do.

cuittler · 2017-10-06T14:39:18+00:00

Often, they loved their husbands, but felt in some fundamental way that their needs (sexual, emotional, psychological) were not being met inside the marriage. Some even wondered if their husbands knew about their infidelity, choosing to look away.

"The fact is," one of these friends told me, "I'm nicer to my husband when I have something special going on that's just for me." She found that she was kinder, more patient, less resentful, "less of a bitch." It occurred to me as I listened that these women were describing infidelity not as a transgression but a creative or even subversive act, a protest against an institution they'd come to experience as suffocating or oppressive.

Sounds exactly like the RP guys who say men cheating is fine or "less terrible" than women cheating because it supposedly keeps the family together: men can both love their wives and get sexually satisfied on the side so they don't leave but women only cheat when they want to leave the relationship, or so the story goes.

Lo and behold, women do the same shit and justify it in the same sneaky way: it keeps our marriage together! I'm a much better spouse now, my husband probably knows and doesn't even mind!

I think cheating is a personal weakness in most cases, not something to be admired. I would make an exception for people in extreme or abusive circumstances though maybe.

[deleted] · 2017-10-06T14:50:54+00:00

It's women acting more like (they believe) men act.

It puts the lie to the "oh, we women can't have sex with men we're not emotionally involved with! Oh, we NEED that "emotional connection"!" Yeah, BULLSHIT.

It confirms TRP that women don't want to fuck little boys, and they view their husbands as immature children. Usually because they talk down to and infantilize their husbands and treat them like shit.

I think this shows the women in the article are cheating because they want masculine men to desire them and fuck them, because that in turn brings them validation and affirmation that they've "still got it", that they can still be desirable women and can still get masculine men to fuck them.

I will bet my car that most of these women were carousel riders in their youth and are looking for one last ride or three.

Eastuss · 2017-10-06T14:34:18+00:00

I don't get what an "invisible labor" is, feels like all the shit my wife puts on her shoulder for no reason.

Such as the fact I don't care she doesn't shave often, but still stresses herself doing so. And then it's my fault if she burns out, obviously.

It's not secret that women feel like it's the man's fault if they cheat, we've seen numerous posts/articles about that, and some use that to apologize women who cheat.

But no I don't sympathize with the women being described here, because no one will sympathise for male cheaters in any way.

alcockell · 2017-10-06T15:29:03+00:00

Esther Perel's book was featured in an Atlantic article this month. This really struck me:

As I listen to her, I start to suspect that her affair is about neither her husband nor their relationship. Her story echoes a theme that has come up repeatedly in my work: affairs as a form of self-discovery, a quest for a new (or lost) identity. For these seekers, infidelity is less likely to be a symptom of a problem, and more likely an expansive experience that involves growth, exploration, and transformation...

“I think this is about you, not your marriage,” I suggest to Priya. “So tell me about yourself.”

“I’ve always been good. Good daughter, good wife, good mother. Dutiful. Straight A’s.” Coming from a traditional family of modest means, for Priya, What do I want? has never been separated from What do they want from me? She never partied, drank, or stayed out late, and she smoked her first joint at 22. After college, she married the right guy, and helped to support her family, as so many children of immigrant parents do. Now she is left with a nagging question: If I’m not perfect, will they still love me? A voice in her head wonders what life is like for those who are not so “good.” Are they more lonely? More free? Do they have more fun?

Priya’s affair is neither a symptom nor a pathology; it’s a crisis of identity, an internal rearrangement of her personality. In our sessions, we talk about duty and desire, about age and youth. Her daughters are becoming teenagers and enjoying a freedom she never knew. Priya is at once supportive and envious. As she nears the mid-century mark, she is having her own belated adolescent rebellion.

I will be clear: this woman should not be cheating. That said, of course this is what happens when men want their wives to have no real goals beyond being "a good wife" or "a good mother." You could do that back in the day, when those were the expected goals for all women and all of society worked to keep it that way, but now? When they see their daughters graduating from college and embarking on careers and prioritizing their own goals and wishes? These women are going to be like, "Wait, that is a thing?" and there is a very decent chance that it will lead to a re-evaluation of their whole entire lives.

I mean, shit, I saw this happen to my own mother. She would have set herself on fire before she would have had an affair, but her life now is much more centered on her own goals than it is on her supporting my dad's goals and achievements, and that shift was a big shock to my father when it took place.

DarkLord0chinChin · 2017-10-06T14:35:17+00:00

I've been saying this all along, monogamy is oppressive

[deleted] · 2017-10-06T14:55:15+00:00

Cheaters are scum. I have no sympathy for such people. It is never justified and all people that engage in cheating will be treated by me like the filth they are.

cxj · 2017-10-06T16:03:58+00:00

THis looks to me exactly like what TRP would say it is: pseudointellectual rationalizations for shitty behavior. These sound like UMC women who have to save face with some dumb spiritual jargon in an attempt to salvage their reputation/personal brand.

The key word here is they feel like they are doing more of their fair share, not that there is any objective measure that this is true. I'm aware of the sociological studies that measure such things and are construed to make women look like victims, no need to link here.

I'm going full red pill rn, someone please halp

U/thegreasypole u/griddrexx u/atlas_b_shruggin u/ginsmokelies

sublimemongrel · 2017-10-06T16:30:06+00:00

Crock of shit intended to rationalize away bad, selfish potentially family-destructive behavior. I’m ashamed of that author just reading your OP.

Battle-Scars · 2017-10-06T14:59:32+00:00

cheating as a way of punching up against the patriarchy

Is this what you believe OP?

pinkgoldrose · 2017-10-06T14:54:52+00:00

There's one type of stay-at-home-mom that I admire. The wives who use their rich husband's money to fund their eccentric and time-consuming endeavors. They found a loophole and what they do is cool so it's hard to hate.

Specifically, I read about a few stay-at-home-moms who started running ultramarathons around the world. They can train several hours a day while the kids are at school and still have time to cook dinner. But those races are expensive, so they need a rich husband who's cool with it, at least to get started. Kudos to those husbands for not being jealous because their wives are having the all the adventures while they have to work. A working person can hardly train for 3 hours every day because that would mean never seeing their kids.

What does it have to do with the OP? I don't know, I just think who needs cheating as a creative and subversive act when you could get all the adrenaline you crave and some more by running a marathon every day for a year. But maybe that's just me being asexual again.

quotient_is · 2017-10-06T15:11:25+00:00

Do I sympathize with them? Nope. I do understand the differences in priorities between men and women that cause women to view their husbands as lazy children and men to view their wives as nagging harpies. However, these differences do not justify infidelity. If you're so bored or frustrated in your marriage that you want to go score some strange, it's your obligation to work that shit out in the open. Male or female.

Long term commitments are tough. Marriages are not always fun and our idiosyncrasies can drive us crazy. I would be over the moon if my husband could remember appointments without having to ask me fifteen times, but that's just part of how he functions and I committed to being there for this normally imperfect human; strengths, weaknesses and all. Lots of men could stand do to a little more of the emotional and household labor that women take on by default, and lots of women could stand to stop harping at and belittling their husbands for not being wired the same way we are.

Regardless, unfair or unhappy situations do not justify shit behavior.

wtknight · 2017-10-06T15:17:32+00:00

Do any of you sympathize with or understand the women being described here?

Not at all. I have no sympathy for those who cheat in marriage. If a woman wants to express her freedom then she needs to end the marriage and not hide her extramarital activities from her husband.

Littleknownfacts · 2017-10-06T15:34:58+00:00

No I don't have any sympathy for these women and cheating is wrong. I think it's wildly amusing that they use the same justification as men use for cheating, that it's okay because that's just a D but really she loves her husband and doesn't want to break her marriage to him. One of the women even admits that since her affair started she's been less resentful and nagging towards her husband, see it's better for both of them if she cheats! (Yes I'm being facetious, this is the flip of what men say to justify cheating).

So maybe, with all the social norms being thrown out the window we will find that women can love men the same way men love women, that is staying in a relationship while fucking someone else on the side!

alcockell · 2017-10-06T15:35:20+00:00

1993 - Paul McCartney - Mistress and Maid? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Litzq_0Behk

I heard this track originally on a Q Magazine compilation..

FUCK! It was all there in the music!

AllahHatesFags · 2017-10-06T16:16:33+00:00

I have no sympathy whatsoever for the cheating unless their husband is refusing to have sex with them. These entitled cunts have been enabled by feminism and their husbands are suffering for it.

IckyStickyPoo · 2017-10-06T16:32:32+00:00

How many women here have a lot of female friends who are cheating on their husbands?

Not me.

Is it justified to cheat on husbands since they are not doing their share of invisible, emotional labor and divorce is unpleasant and difficult?

I didn't even cheat on the LTR who rarely wanted sex - and my preference is sex daily. I would never consider cheating on my current partner - yet rp would describe him as a total beta.

I'd say the rate of women cheating is increasing because men and women are pretty similar, and now that women are not as under the male thumb as they were, they're freer to do as they choose. And so the percentage of women who would cheat is starting to match the percentage of men who would cheat.

Supernumiphone · 2017-10-06T16:37:32+00:00

The article reads a lot like fiction to me. At the very least it's really reaching to make conclusions based on very little data (and anecdata).

Then one day, one of them confided in me [...] Almost before I'd finished processing this, another friend told me [...] Not long after, another told me

This reads like a contrived plot device. Going through her life, presumably for years, believing her friends lives were one way, then suddenly and conveniently they all start dropping truth bombs on her.

Then she references a book to bolster her conclusions:

she interviews 40 women who sought or participated in extramarital relationships through the Ashley Madison dating site.

A small data set from a very specific sub-group of cheating women. There is no reason to think that these women are representative of cheating women generally.

Despite all this the author would have us believe that she can draw conclusions about changing trends in women cheaters and share them with us. So to answer the question "what do I make of this article?": not much. I don't think there's anything meaningful that can be concluded based on that piece of speculative fiction.

Onna999 · 2017-10-06T18:36:24+00:00

Yep, all valid points. No wonder women cheated, I'd lose my mind in a marriage like that, with no divorce allowed.

ivegotsomequestions0 · 2017-10-07T00:44:45+00:00

'keeping the pulse of the household' -- this idea that someone has to be managing the emotional heart of your tiny community. I think women do that a lot."

I feel no pressure to do this stuff from my husband or anyone else, and I don't do it because I am an introvert and don't want to. I can only imagine if he decided that we needed to create a "tiny community" and started getting pissy at me for not taking steps to make it happen. That shit is for the benefit of the person who's into it, she can't be mad that her husband doesn't want to put effort into some shit that does him no good at all. What about managing his emotional heart?

The household stuff, yeah, that tends to be unequal, although you can use the same argument as above. The unequal cleanups are annoying and I can empathize with their annoyance. But that shit is not a reason to cheat.

I'm curious as to what other "invisible" and "emotional" labor they are talking about. The above is barely enough for an argument, let alone infidelity.

Plus, I suspect that if most of them thought about it long enough, they would realize that their husbands contribute in ways that they don't. By working more, by solving household problems.

Can't sympathize and don't think that anyone is intended to. Clickbait article and book designed to spur controversy and make money.

Title	"The changing reasons why women cheat on their husbands"
Author	a_mans_perspective
Upvotes	2
Comments	45
Date	October 6, 2017 12:30 PM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/74nag5/the_changing_reasons_why_women_cheat_on_their/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/the-changing-reasons-why-women-cheat-on-their.265532 https://theredarchive.com/post/265532

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