Q4All: For those who want kids in the future, what alternatives would you consider in the case of infertility?

SmurfESmurferson · 2017-06-04T04:56:20+00:00

Speaking as somebody who didn't want kids, then wanted them, then thought that she wouldn't be able to have any, then had spontaneous twins, then didn't seem able to have more, then had one more...

You don't really know until you're neck-deep in it. Anything you say right now may or may not bear any resemblance to what you think when you're in the middle of it. I am 42 years old and have known couples who have dealt with all kinds of infertility, and every single one has dealt with it differently. You don't know what you will do until it happens.

Edit: And I'm not posting this under automod because I would totally have another in the future if it was at all realistic. Our kids are awesome. Mr. Arthur and I have agreed that if we had the time and the money, we'd have seven.

cateml · 2017-06-04T07:50:00+00:00

Not divorce, wouldn't use a surrogate (I find the idea of paying someone to carry a baby for me bizarre), ditto family member.

I'd probably (in order of preference): Attempt IVF, attempt sperm/egg donation, adopt/foster (obviously adopting a baby would be preferable but I like kids in general so adoption/fostering older children would be a sort of alternative arrangement I could get into) and then if it turned out my life was going to be one where I didn't have kids I'd just accept that and try and appreciate the positives of it.

octopusplatipus · 2017-06-05T05:29:54+00:00

1.Staying married if she is infertile.

2.adoption is totally on the table (any race and age is fine, just no mental health issues).

3.sperm donation is off the table.

4.I'm okay with egg donation.

5.Surrogacy is just to weird for me.

6.family member maybe if she is the infertile one(even then probably no).

7.The child free life style is definitely more than okay with me.

Before you ask I'm aware of the double standards in this list.

edit: fixed some issues.

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Electra_Cute · 2017-06-04T01:07:38+00:00

I would probably adopt, same race child. If cloning a copy of myself was an option, I would go with that, however and raise her.

SirNemesis · 2017-06-04T01:08:46+00:00

Oh. Well I don't really want kids, I'm most likely just going to have one or two because my fiance wants kids. Plus it seems ideal-- childless old age is unappealing. I don't hate the idea of kids: I'm just entirely indifferent on the matter.

So if we end up infertile, nbd. We won't have kids, and I won't care.

[deleted] · 2017-06-04T01:37:58+00:00

We've already discussed this as infertility on my part is a very real possibility.

If we can't have kids naturally we plan to adopt and we're both fine with this (actually, adopting a child is something my fiance has wanted to do since before he met me.) Ideally we'd want a newborn; we both really want the experience of raising a child from birth. Race doesn't matter (my SO and I aren't the same race anyway.) Gender doesn't matter.

One requirement is that I would want to do an open adoption. I think closed adoptions are fucked up (although I'm sure they're necessary in some cases.) Kids have a right to know where they came from and I wouldn't be okay withholding that from them.

I would never want to do a surrogate or anything like that.

JimCanuck · 2017-06-04T02:59:50+00:00

You are describing the girl I used to live with.

Talked about egg donation from one of her relatives. Talked about surrogacy. Even talked about using one of her relatives for both (IVF not sex though).

Ended up leaving her after she showed she wasn't serious about having kids in general and had accepted the idea she wouldn't have any.

Now this time I married the current one, and have a son and daughter. Also decided after that whole situation with the ex, I would never consider a vasectomy in case I was ever put into a position of considering more kids.

I view myself as neither pill. Both sides are full of crazies.

HigHog · Sun Jun 4 6:34:04 2017 UTC

Totally happy to adopt, and probably will anyway. Any race or gender, up to the age of 4 probably.

The-os2 · 2017-06-04T10:22:31+00:00

I want kids. But if I can't I'd go childfree.

exit_sandman · 2017-06-04T14:00:04+00:00

using a family member (ex: let your brother fuck your wife)

Though I wouldn't let my brother fuck my wife but ask him to donate instead.

This is by the way also what I'd prefer in case my partner was infertile.

Lyanina · 2017-06-04T15:27:36+00:00

Adopt, sperm or egg donation, IVF, consider not having children at all.

No fucking family members (I'm not too fussed about exclusivity but I do have my limits), no surrogacy (illegal here + I don't like the idea at all), no divorce specifically over the fertility issues (I can imagine we might become miserable enough for it to come onto the table though -- but for example, I'd marry a woman if the relationship got to that point so infertility would not be grounds for divorce for me).

Ascended_One · 2017-06-04T17:14:28+00:00

A) Accept a childfree lifestyle

B) Egg donation

breakfasttopiates · 2017-06-04T17:21:23+00:00

accept a child free life, as hard as that is to me its still the best option.

[deleted] · 2017-06-04T18:41:23+00:00

using a family member (ex: let your brother fuck your wife)

Are you like a mormon or something? Is this reality TV now? Who even does this?

SirNemesis · 2017-06-04T20:25:17+00:00

A) Have one of my brothers sperm donate for me. Or divorce and enjoy the bachelor life.

B) Surrogate or egg donor. Or divorce and remarry.

I don't think I really considered the problem of infertility before I was red pilled, so can't say how it changed over time, though I probably would have been a lot more open to adoption when I was blue.

WhiskersNT · 2017-06-05T20:32:17+00:00

I've always been of the opinion that if it's not meant to be, then it's not meant to be. I'd like kids but if that's not in the cards for me, so be it.

Rebuta · 2017-06-15T16:06:16+00:00

I want to be related to my kids so either egg donation if it's her or I'll ask my brother for a sperm donation if it's me.

Title	Q4All: For those who want kids in the future, what alternatives would you consider in the case of infertility?
Author	PopularPoplar
Upvotes	0
Comments	31
Date	June 4, 2017 1:02 AM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/6f4osi/q4all_for_those_who_want_kids_in_the_future_what/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/q4all-for-those-who-want-kids-in-the-future-what.267754 https://theredarchive.com/post/267754

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