Is divorce even about the money and assets or is this just mostly emotional?

dragoness_leclerq · 2016-12-30T13:29:15+00:00

It's emotional. Divorce is (or can be) ugly. It's messy, it's a failure, you lose status, your sense of self, companionship, stability, comfort, friends, community and status (yeah, I said it again).

I don't care how much someone stands to gain from a divorce, there's still (for the most part) no richer woman than a woman who is married to a rich man.

The thing that baffles me the most however, is the number of men who have and own little - if anything - who still buy into (or preach) fear-mongering about divorce-rape. Ain't nobody trying to divorce you to get a piece of that ugly, $110K prefab house and $65K salary you're pulling down, trust me.

Carkudo · 2016-12-30T13:09:40+00:00

I think that the reason people want to get divorces are emotional. Few divorce exclusively for the money.

However, knowing that you'll get a good deal makes people far, far more likely to go through with it.

wub1234 · 2016-12-30T13:59:23+00:00

I don't think many women will make a cold and calculated decision to divorce someone for money.

My question would be...do people always get married for the right reasons in the first place? My conclusion would be that they do not.

cxj · 2016-12-30T17:36:09+00:00

It's both. Divorce absolutely turns your life upside down and sets it on fire, and I say that as someone who instigated my own divorce. I was happy to get out, my relationship with my ex-wife is very healthy, and it still fucked my shit up.

Social. The "family" you once had are now ex-in-laws. Holidays are all fucked up. Friends you had in common often won't speak to you anymore. And divorce is still looked down upon or pitied in our society while marriage is seen as a victory or an achievement. Everything changes.
Kids. Not enough space to talk about the changes that happen here, suffice to say it is devastating for everyone.
Financial. Asset distribution changes your long term financial future big time. Personal plans differ, but I personally owe about 30% of my net take home every month in child support for my children. That does not count the holidays, school shopping, and visits that I pay for on top of that. The financial aspect is significant.

ImNoTrueScotsman · 2016-12-30T13:34:40+00:00

There's something I'm genuinely confused about with the concept of divorce rape.

Surely there's some kind of legal precedent or guideline to any kind of financial award? It can't just be arbitrary, like one day you get divorced and then a judge tells you that you've lost your house, car and savings.

Littleknownfacts · 2016-12-30T13:53:57+00:00

Its definitely emotional, but that doesn't make it not about the money. When you are hurt and you want to hurt back, money is just the tool to make your ex partner suffer even more.

sublimemongrel · 2016-12-30T15:58:38+00:00

The common situation described sounds something like this :

guy and girl get married. Guy makes a very good income. Girl either doesnt work or doesnt work shortly thereafter. Or kids. Point being she is not actually getting paid. a few years pass and they are not happy. She ( statistically) files for divorce. Usually the guy is faced with either a spouse who has not been particularly nice to him by this time. We aren't talking extremes here either.

So then, he is making "all the money", SHE files divorce, and HE pays for HER choosing to file, for HER lawyer to take more money from HIM. And HE has to pay her half of "THEIR" money, to which SHE did not contribute.

Of course its fucking emotional.

I'm not touching custody.

phantasic79 · 2016-12-30T17:04:00+00:00

Not enough people suffer for their kids. You had kids and you're stuck in this loveless shitty relationship ride it out for the sake of your kids and at least pretend to be a happy family. Fuck your own happiness and suck it up so your kids don't grow up to be more broken than they already are. Exceptions which justify divorce before your kids develope are violence, and extreme abuse. So your husband calls you fat, wife clowns your tiny pecker....Deal with it. I would say that cheating is acceptable but most people can not mentally deal with this. Just cheat back on the DL and pretend to be a happy family for the kids...Or let it evolve into an open marriage. But whatever you do remember to put your kids over yourself and your happiness or don't have kids. Think of the children.

[deleted] · 2016-12-30T21:44:57+00:00

Of course it's emotional.

Then after they talk to a lawyer it becomes about the money.

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[deleted] · 2016-12-30T13:40:41+00:00

You got two questions here and I'll answer both:

Is divorce even about the money and assets or is this just mostly emotional?

The decision to get divorced is definitely emotional rather than a contrived plot to make $$$ in the majority of cases. I know a lot of guys who have been divorced and it is highly emotional. They care less about money and more about being betrayed and losing their family.

is this antagonism towards marriage emotional or is it just purely based on "logic?

Because I have seen those consequences first hand, I believe my decision to not get married is a logical one, because I have seen the risks marriage entails and do not believe the benefits outweigh those risks.

prodigy2throw · 2016-12-30T14:14:29+00:00

I would assume if I were a woman who is at a point in her marriage where she can't stand to look at her husband and hates him with every fibre of her being, knowing that you can leave him AND jack him up for half his shit plus tear him away from his kids, has to be some good motivation.

AloneOnTheStrange · 2016-12-30T17:43:15+00:00

Of course divorce is emotional. At least one side is resentful of the other. Every cent and hour with the kids has intense emotional value attached to it. Every little bit taken or lost, and every hour you have to spend in court, is someone you once loved hurting you. Even if you were able to be mature about the whole thing and deal with it entirely rationally and fairly, you would have to be a zen master not to attach at least some sort of personal significance to all of that.

Invalidity · 2016-12-30T17:57:53+00:00

The majority of men who divorce their wife, do so because their relationships have gone sour. Think constant bickering, lack of sex, etc. A lot of men I know live by the mantra, "happy wife, happy life". It's pathetic that they would endure so much, but they'd rather work it out for the sake of their children. I'm sure there are some cases of men divorcing women for material reasons, but we're talking rare exceptions where we would all almost objectively say, "Yeah, he married her so he could take half her wealth."

Most women divorce when they feel like they've found a better man. And quite honestly, "better" is very vague. There could be any number of reasons the other man is better, but it doesn't really have to take much. The fact that she already has her husband's commitment makes him that much less attractive (hence why I've seen so many women treat their partners like shit while treating other men with such admiration). What usually happens is one argument comes after another, and then the hostility and frustration drives couples further apart. At this point, the majority of women in this position are waiting for their husbands to initiate a separate or divorce. Handfuls of women will take the initiative to leave their partners. If a man tries harder and harder to "fix" the problems on his own, she'll stay with him but only because she feels guilty about leaving him. She'll most likely cheat on him. Cue marriage counseling. When the man is beaten, he'll probably lash out at her or do something drastic, giving her a plausible reason to leave.

I would argue that women rarely leave their husbands for material reasons. They will be more than gladly to take what they think is "rightfully" theirs, but also likely because their lawyers have egged them on.

darksoldierk · 2016-12-30T22:54:56+00:00

The thing is, how the assets and money are split is pretty fair and makes logical sense. If your wife is staying at home, carrying your babies and doing the housework, she is sacrificing time in which she could be building a career. It also prevents the person in power with the finances from just throwing her out on the street for nothing after 10 years of marriage.

First of all, it isn't a sacrifice. She is making a choice to have a baby. That choice benefits her as much as it benefits the man. The man isn't getting more out of it than the woman. In addition, having the baby is 100% the woman's choice. Men can't abort if the woman wants the baby, but women can abort even if the man wants the baby. If she is given the sole ability to choose, than she should be made to pay for that choice.

Second of all, the fact of the matter is, for the sake of the children divorce should not be easy. The person who is choosing to divorce should, logically, be the one paying the most assuming that the person they are divorcing didn't abuse them or their children physically. As the law acknowledges, when we choose to have children, we should recognize that we have a responsibility to that child. We do not and should not have a responsibility to the spouse unless we did something that physically harmed them.

And third of all, why are you associating "staying at home" with being a "caretaker of a home"? Just because she stayed at home doesn't mean she did anything. It doesn't mean she cooked or cleaned. For all we know, she didn't work, but she didn't take care of the home either. This misconception that people have that just because a woman doesn't work, she MUST be taking care of the home is ridiculous.

And fourth of all, how the assets and the money are split isn't necessarily the issue. The way the law is written and the way it is practiced are two very different things. We all know that in divorce court,the court is always biased in a way favorable to women, and that is one issue. But, the real issue is child support and alimony. Child support should be limited to the average cost of raising a child in the jurisdiction that the divorce took place. It should never be higher than that. If the non-custodial parent's income is low, than it should be a prorated amount of the average cost of raising the child, and it can increase as the parent's income increases, but it should stop increasing once the payments reach the average cost. The limit should be increasing by inflation each year, but that's about it.

Alimony should not exist at all except in cases where there is physcial abuse.

But the person who is at home taking care of the child will probably get the bigger end of the stick in custody, which isn't really a bad thing.

Why? The person going to work is sacrificing their time with their children. Why should that person not be compensated for that sacrifice? Why should that person lose on all fronts? Lose their children, lose their income for decades, lose their assets? Why do you recognize the woman's sacrifice and demand that it be reimbursed but not recognize the man's sacrifice and make similar demands?

is this antagonism towards marriage emotional or is it just purely based on "logic?

It's logic. No one enters into a contract with someone who they know will benefit more than them while putting in an equal amount of work. Marriage is a losing situation for men. Men lose all control of their lives as soon as they say "I do". Those two words turn men into slaves. As soon as you say it, you are putting a leash on yourself and giving control of your life over to women and the "Justice" system. After you get married, you can't choose to not have a child by choosing to abort. After you get married, you can't stop a divorce from happening. When a divorce does happen, you can't stop the law or your ex from preventing you from having a paternal relationship with your children. When a divorce does happen, you can't stop the law from taking whatever amount of money they want from you and giving it to the person who initiated the divorce, even if you haven't done anything wrong. Marriage is a modern day's version of slavery.

despisedlove2 · 2016-12-31T15:41:13+00:00

More nonsense from our self styled logician.

Recreational divorce is institutionalized misandrist theft.

Title	Is divorce even about the money and assets or is this just mostly emotional?
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	2
Comments	56
Date	December 30, 2016 1:03 PM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/5l3byn/is_divorce_even_about_the_money_and_assets_or_is/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/is-divorce-even-about-the-money-and-assets-or-is.270936 https://theredarchive.com/post/270936

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