CMV: Jerk, asshole, nice and similar words are just describing the feeling you're having towards a person

DucksCanDance · 2016-11-26T17:10:08+00:00

That's fine but there's another side to it -- is the person who feels offended or creeped out or whatever being fair or are they being unreasonable? Or acting a certain way as a power play?

Really all three are options, to say it's always the first like you did is overly simplistic, it ignores people who are unreasonable and people who play games.

alreadyredschool · 2016-11-26T19:16:29+00:00

I really like all these comments about how "jerks" pretend to be nice and everything. Biggest player I know was in the rugby state team. He said he will never commit to a woman, not worth it. And he will never be the first one to talk to a woman, not worth it. He once told a (rather normal looking) girl that she is too fat and should lose some weight, then he will fuck her. And she did. [Edit: The whole female rugby team and their friends knew, he got some shit and guess what, despite openly being known as an asshole he got laid, now he is together with one of them] He regularly spills his drinks on women just so they are annoyed, or he spills their drinks, or throws their cigarettes away. And he isn't the only one, I know a bunch of them. None of them are pretending to be nice and the girls are cool with it. So you would be correct calling them jerks, but I personally like them, jerk doesn't reflect my feelings towards them, it describes them.

DucksCanDance · 2016-11-26T18:29:58+00:00

Interesting.

My opinion: how accurately you describe somebody as nice/jerk/whatever is a good sign whether you are mature or not.

If you just "feel" a way about somebody and then immediately describe them as "he/she is [insert how you feel about them]", you pretty much suck in my eyes.

Take the classic: "If you meet an asshole, they are probably an asshole. If you meet assholes all the time, chances are that you are the asshole."

Other than the lack of self-reflection, it's a good example of how "rating somebody as nice/jerk/asshole" is something that you can either be good at or not.

So in short: If you label someone as nice/creepy/jerk just because of how they make you feel, you are immature and lack social skills in my opinion.

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Candy_Kittens · 2016-11-26T17:13:10+00:00

That guy I think is unattractive and awkward is talking to me, what a creep!

I knew a dude who was called a creep for asking women the time of day. I can't talk to women very well either. I wonder what kind of guy is seen as a creep just for existing...

BookwormJane · 2016-11-27T11:39:54+00:00

I agree what is creepy to me may not be creepy to someone else, but there are kinds of behavior that are generally considered morally or ethically wrong by most people in the Western society, such as cheating on your spouse, abandoning your children, stealing, commiting murder, etc.

So yes, I see where you're coming from but you can't use your relativism in everything.

scottsouth · 2016-11-27T12:49:51+00:00

You have the right to feel however you want, but no one has to respect it. A feeling of offense does not necessarily mean that a law was broke, nor a social norm transgressed.

Say I'm walking down the street. I'm passing by two women. One woman doesn't change her demeanor and continues looking forward. The other woman notices my large frame and proceeds to power walk to the other side of the street to avoid being within my arms length. One woman was reasonable to assume that every guy isn't a rapist, and the other one was so unwrapped within the rape culture mindset that she had to go out of her way to avoid a stranger who statistically speaking probably isn't a rapist. Did both of them have the right to feel how they wanted to feel? Yes. Maybe the reasonable woman grew up around guys who weren't complete assholes. Maybe the other woman was raped and now projects her experience in every interaction. They both have the right to feel how they want to feel, and I also have the right not to give a flying fuck, because that's how I feel.

DB605 · 2016-11-27T15:25:20+00:00

This is an argument I've heard before and it makes no sense. Your write-up is proposing an either-or proposition, in which it's suggesting that either everyone's opinion's of others are entirely subjective and completely etherial, or everyone's opinion of everyone else is objective and a difference of opinion suggests the objective assessment was incorrect.

Both of these scenarios are false. There are standard underestandings between people's of what constitutes a 1. douchebag, 2. creep, and 3. nice person. If the accused meets these previously agreed upon understandings, it is not unreasonable to deem them as such. The fact that someone else may not agree with it is irrelevant. They're really just suggesting that that behavior doesn't bother them, or what's more common these days, is that those behaviors don't bother them so long as it doesn't impact them.

I know a man who's so rude, condescending and difficult to work with for his superiors that he recently endangered the safety of another person on the job. His behavior, however, impresses/attracts a woman colleague. Just because she's attracted to him doesn't "erase" him breaking the standard conventions of socially acceptable behavior.

Likewise, in a room of 10 people, 1 person could call one other person a creep and have it be accurate. The other 8 people disagreeing doesn't mean that person's behavior doesn't meet the standard of "creepy". This is why hot guys being creepy is often reinterpretted as romantic by women.

cxj · 2016-11-27T22:26:16+00:00

You are allowed to define yourself, but other people will define you based on how they think or feel. If you think you're not creepy, and someone else thinks you're creepy, it doesn't mean they are wrong, it means they are right, you made them feel scared or weirded out, you can't just argue with their feelings.

This is unfortunately basically true. The problem lots of young guys face is that due to a variety of social factors, very trivial and non threatening behaviors get them labeled creepy due to people (mostly girls) being unreasonably afraid of life. IE I know several young girls who think its "creepy" when they get a cold call from a number they don't have saved or don't recognize. This is due to being raised from an early age with cell phones that save contacts in them. 20 year old girls who lived in the 90s with house phones didn't feel uncomfortable about their phone ringing and not knowing who was calling, and if it was the wrong person they would just say wrong number and not think about it.

Title	CMV: Jerk, asshole, nice and similar words are just describing the feeling you're having towards a person
Author	SipsSparklingWater
Upvotes	7
Comments	55
Date	November 26, 2016 4:56 PM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/5f0bo2/cmv_jerk_asshole_nice_and_similar_words_are_just/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/cmv-jerk-asshole-nice-and-similar-words-are-just.271662 https://theredarchive.com/post/271662

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