If mothers love their sons, why do they drive them into provider roles?

wub1234 · 2015-12-03T10:53:15+00:00

I will speak from personal experience alone, but I would suggest this is true for many other people as well.

My mum grew up in a completely different society with vastly conflicting values to the existing society. She has absolutely no idea how this society works on any level. She gave me some very good values, not least the value that if I wanted something I should work for and earn it. In terms of understanding the sexual and economic marketplace today, she has no idea. Nor does her husband.

The values that she gave me are simply those that were appropriate in her day, although I'm more aware than she is that the Protestant work ethic is designed to keep the proles in their place.

The idea that she could understand the existing sexual marketplace and communicate ideas to me that would help me understand it, or strategies that would enable me to be successful within it, is ridiculous. Very few men of my age understand it, let alone women of an older generation.

wombatinaburrow · 2015-12-03T14:55:05+00:00

Because moms don't want their sons to be the assholes who broke their mothers' hearts. Because moms know their sons probably have it in them to break hearts.

Because moms are women, and moms play for Team Women, and Team Women always comes before men (except with regard to Her Man, and her sons are not Her Man). Always, always, always. That's why many times in divorces, you'll see HIS parents siding with their sons' soon to be ex wives. Because, well, if son's marriage is failing, it MUST be because HE did something to cause it. It must be HIS fault.

throwawaychris2 · 2015-12-03T10:49:27+00:00

You'll have to expand on this question some more. Why do you think mothers drive their sons into provider roles?

[deleted] · 2015-12-03T11:34:44+00:00

Lots of well meaning people give shit advice or are bad influence

You can't assume malice

exit_sandman · 2015-12-03T11:33:41+00:00

Because you don't ask a fish for fishing advice?

Teflon0819 · 2015-12-03T12:41:20+00:00

I get the same talks from my mom. I think her main motivation is getting grandchildren though, rather than trying to drive me into a provider role (though I'd imagine she would expect that as well).

Unfortunately marriage, let alone having children are and will likely remain the last things I would ever consider doing.

wtknight · 2015-12-03T13:24:28+00:00

Do mothers really do this? This hasn't been my experience. My mother wanted me to be successful but it wasn't so I could be a provider to a wife. I think it was more of a status thing on her part regarding having a successful son, not to mention assurance to her that I would at least be able to adequately provide for myself.

I suppose the mothers who do this do so because they want to have grandchildren quite a bit, and they figure that the best way to do this is to condition their sons to be a good provider for a future wife and children. Training "beta bux" will also be more likely to provide continual resources for a future grandchild than training "alpha fux," which is more likely to create a child to a single impoverished mother and perhaps jeopardize that child's future.

Carkudo · 2015-12-03T16:01:24+00:00

Here's something that I've gleaned from relationship forums and message boards here in Russia, where the AF/BB dynamic is much more openly talked about.

Women in BB relationships often delude themselves into thinking that they "love" their provider husbands. She isn't and has never been attracted to him, but she loves him, because sex doesn't have anything to do with love anyway, right? She's pissed off and annoyed by every tiny little thing he does, every trivial mannerism, but it's because he doesn't try hard enough and doesn't appreciate her deeply enough, while she loves him. And so on, and so on.

And of course, these women love to be provided for. They feel that women, in general, are entitled to be provided for by men, so of course they will drive their sons to be "good" men that will fulfill women's entitlements.

[deleted] · 2015-12-03T11:40:46+00:00

Maybe they think that's what's best for their sons.

Ultrablue1973 · 2015-12-03T15:53:57+00:00

Maybe it's not the "provider" role, per se, but they worry about themselves dying and not being able to look out for you. If you get injured, family is a lot more likely to be there for you than friends.

My dad had a health crisis in his forties and if it weren't for his father, and then me, he'd be dead or homeless. His "friends" sort of magically disappeared. So, eh ... they may have a point. (My bio father divorced my mom years ago because "she didn't understand him", so she wasn't in the picture.)

Xemnas81 · 2015-12-03T17:42:14+00:00

My mama likes the geeky, successful part of me more than the aggressive, wild man part of me and she does love me a lot.

Part of it is a generational thing, they grew up in a time where being a successful, eminent man was socially they best thing, look at Indian guys and how they struggle, not because they can't look good (you do get handsome muscular desis) but because their culture valued the successful nerd over the fun, gregarious jock.

Title	If mothers love their sons, why do they drive them into provider roles?
Author	throwawaychris2
Upvotes	2
Comments	50
Date	December 3, 2015 10:48 AM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/3v9mfx/if_mothers_love_their_sons_why_do_they_drive_them/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/if-mothers-love-their-sons-why-do-they-drive-them.278143 https://theredarchive.com/post/278143

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