Women's value of sex and men's value of time/money.

andrewisgood · 2015-07-21T03:58:23+00:00

Damn, who gives vacations to women? I know after I sell my old house, I want to go on a vacation with my girlfriend and take her backpacking because she's never been. But the thing is, I actually want to do the backpacking because I haven't in awhile, so just giving a woman a gift of a vacation is something for me too, plus with backpacking I can budget and stuff. Also, this seems rather gendered.

Anyway, my girlfriend gets after me if I buy her things, so, there's that? Anyway, the woman can do what she wants, I can't really force her to do anything whether I think it's justified or not. Maybe she had a bad experience and doesn't want to do that stuff.

anriana · 2015-07-21T03:41:03+00:00

I don't want financial gifts from my male partner because I have my own income. I would find it weird if he offered to financially support me and especially weird if he used previous relationships as a comparison because we met at the beginning of our professional careers.

I can't imagine a situation where I would have done sexual acts with a previous partner and not be willing to do them currently. I would find it odd if my partner asked me to list everything I had done with previous partners and then asked why I hadn't done all of those acts with my current partner because that level of specificity just seems odd to me.

At the same time, I can empathize with men who get married and have a wife who then refuses to be a full sexual partner. That would be weird too.

wazzup987 · 2015-07-21T05:38:21+00:00

Oh one of these threads.

It's not that tastes change. Your dynamic with those women aren't the same dynamic they have with other men and vice versa. I am a switch but some women I won't top with others I won't bottom with. Which falls where depends on their personality. I don't hold it against them for not wanting to cross the streams as it were

madscientistlove · 2015-07-21T06:08:58+00:00

Ladies, do you think it's justified for a man to want the same treatment (sex acts, amount of sex, etc) you willingly gave to your previous partners?

It's fair for people to want whatever they want. I can't control someone's feelings, and I wouldn't want to.

But if someone doesn't want to do a sex act with you, the reality is: they have no desire for that sex act with you. You have three options in that scenario:

Accept that you aren't having that sort of sex, and be okay with it.
Decide you want that kind of sex with your partner, talk through it, and try to come to a mutually agreeable compromise.
Decide that you need that sex act to be fulfilled and happy, but your partner doesn't want it with you. Leave, and find someone else who will provide what you need to be happy.

Neither or those options are morally better than the other.

dragoness_leclerq · 2015-07-21T05:51:38+00:00

Ladies, do you think it's justified for a man to want the same treatment (sex acts, amount of sex, etc) you willingly gave to your previous partners?

Not really, no. Not if he only wanted those things because he wanted "in" on a piece of whatever he thinks someone else got.

Peoples wants/needs/desires change. For a long time after I lost my virginity I thought sex wasn't really all that pleasant and was more about getting him off. So I settled for a few quick, fumbling pumps in the dark with my boyfriend until he got his and that was that. I didn't dare ask for oral and made a point to never, ever say no, no matter what. Even if I was dry or had a migraine (I used to get really bad complex migraines).

Does that now mean I must allow all future partners to rut away for a whopping five minutes, totally disrguard my pleasure or interest....because I well, that's totally what I did in my past so it's only fair he gets the exact same treatment?

wtknight · 2015-07-21T08:36:39+00:00

Fellas, do you think it's justified for a woman to want the same treatment (vacations, gifts, etc) you willingly gave to your previous partners?

I don't have a problem with this, as my money situation has gotten better as I've gotten older and I'm definitely able to spend more now than I was able to in the past.

buartha · 2015-07-21T12:41:54+00:00

No to both. People who are otherwise happy in their relationship getting upset over what their partner invested in the past is immature and petty.

If you had a set amount of sex/ investment that you wanted, you should have made that clear at the start of the relationship. If you did and your partner isn't living up to your clearly communicated desires, then you have a legitimate grievance.

However, if things are as you were previously happy with and you're just pissy because you're not getting what you didn't even ask for, then you're no better than huffy child. You're welcome to try and renegotiate if you like, but your partner is doing nothing wrong if they decide they don't want to honour terms that they never agreed to with you, especially since for all you know the fact that you're relaxing and low-maintenance might have been part of what made you an attractive prospect in the first place.

max_peenor · 2015-07-21T04:11:15+00:00

No.

People change. Life situations change.

But how in the fack would you know what your girlfriend did with a previous partner anyway? And what if she had a threesome and decided she didn't like it? And what if you splashed money on a previous partner but grew up and realized how silly that was?

[deleted] · 2015-07-21T10:14:56+00:00

The golden rule is stupid. You want to be treated the way you want to be versus how other people were treated in the past.

My boyfriend never bought flowers for other women. Just me. Makes me feel great! Just like a man who got a virgin.

OfSpock · 2015-07-21T11:34:34+00:00

Are those red pillers who worshipped their previous girlfriends going to worship future ones as well? You waited at the airport for six hours for her.

goatismycopilot · 2015-07-21T16:23:06+00:00

People can want what they want and articulate it. But I do not expect or desire the exact same thing in every relationship because I use the past as a learning experience. When wants and needs do not match up that signals incompatibility and everybody has different thing they are willing to compromise on and be clear about.

[deleted] · 2015-07-21T02:59:52+00:00

short answer: sure. i'm going to be a little nitpicky and say he can want whatever he wants; that doesn't mean i'm going to provide it, at all. but word choice aside, really, unless i have a specific reason for not doing something (like having tried it and hated it) i don't see any problem with this if the relationship is otherwise normal and healthy. ideally, i'd probably even enthusiastically want to do those things with my partner.

Title	Women's value of sex and men's value of time/money.
Author	PrimePussyOverRancid
Upvotes	6
Comments	26
Date	July 21, 2015 2:50 AM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/3e0xx3/womens_value_of_sex_and_mens_value_of_timemoney/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/womens-value-of-sex-and-mens-value-of-timemoney.280866 https://theredarchive.com/post/280866

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