So you're new to MRP. you're Lifting, Reading, and you think you're STFU - kind of, sometimes. Maybe?

The concept of STFU isn't that hard to understand, but some (most) beginners have difficulty with the execution of STFU because their mind is racing as whatever is happening causes them to panic, and they quickly crack open their pie-holes to start DEERing away. I'd like to suggest an activity for you to be doing as you STFU, to help keep you calm and focused, and as a bonus it should also help you ID some internal shit you can work on after your panic moment is over. It's especially effective for those who have a weak frame or no frame. However for more advanced MRPers this may be a good way to more deeply reflect and self-diagnose during introspective periods, or after a slip in frame.

Take it if it works for you, leave it if it doesn't. It's just another tool in your toolbox.

“Anyone can get angry–that is easy–but to get angry with the right person, to the right extent, at the right time, for the right reason, and in the right way is no longer something easy that anyone can do.”

–Aristotle

The ATC Model

Gentlemen, introducing ATC - a key foundational module of the Army's "Mastering Resiliency" Training Program, adapted for MRP by yours truly, a Master Instructor for the MRT Program.

ATC stands for [A]ctivating Event -> Heat-of-the-Moment [T]houghts -> [C]onsequences - Emotions and Reactions

Ex: [Activating event] You try to initiate sex, and wife says "I don't want to, you're a loser." [Thoughts] You have Heat-of-the-Moment Thoughts like "I'm NOT a loser, she's just a mouthy bitch!" and/or "I deserve sex! I (insert shit you do here) don't I?" (keep in mind you are STFU - so this is a Heat-of-the-Moment THOUGHT, not something you say out loud like you used to faggot, the point of STFU is to stop DEERing) Then after these instant initial thoughts, [Consequence] you feel an Emotion and/or have a physical Reaction such as you feel anger and an adrenaline rush gives you a rapid pulse for fight or flight, maybe you even get sweaty. Or maybe your Emotion is shame and your Reaction might be that you leave the room and start drinking. Probably both of those at once.

Ex: [Activating event] Your son scores the match-winning goal at the homecoming game. [Thoughts] You have Heat-of-the-Moment Thoughts like "All that practice we did sure paid off!" and "I'm so proud!" Then after these instant initial thoughts, [Consequence] you feel an Emotion and/or have a physical Reaction such as you feel happiness and you stand up and start yelling and cheering, and telling anyone who will listen, "that's MY SON!"

So as you can see this framework is usable in both positive and negative situations. It can be used to help you find validation seeking behavior as well as your faulty mental models.

Why ATC?

ATC helps to build Self-Awareness. 

The point is to identify your Heat-of-the-Moment Thoughts about an Activating Event and the Consequences of those Thoughts so you can have greater control over your Emotions and Reactions. Don't just think and feel them, be aware of them. Step One in regulating your Emotions and Reactions is to be aware of what causes them as they are happening because knowing is half the battle.

Once you get good at doing this, at accurately being aware of what is happening in your head, THEN you can start working on modifying your Thoughts, and then on modifying your Behaviors. Too many guys get frustrated because they are putting the cart before the horse - they are trying to modify behaviors without understanding why they were doing them in the first place. That's the definition of a Dancing Monkey, and its a recipe for failure or at the least for eventual recidivism back into old behaviors.

So build your Self-Awareness first. Practice ATC.

Methodology

We all have situations in our lives that we handle effectively and other situations that we don’t handle as effectively as we need to. 

Emotions are feelings and are usually accompanied by behaviors and physiological changes in the body. (Reactions)

Examples include anger, happiness, fear, loneliness, sadness, love, pride, etc.

It is important to have a variety of words for different emotions. Anger - “irritated” vs “enraged” Happiness - “pleased” vs “ecstatic” This helps us more accurately pinpoint the severity of our emotions.

Thought Themes

Some people find that there is a pattern in most of their Thoughts - that they relate to a certain theme. The most common Thought Themes are: Loss, Danger (something bad might happen), Negative Comparison (to others or to standards), Positive Contribution (you made), Inflicted Harm (you to others), Trespass (others against you), Gratitude, Hope For Future

Noticing patterns in your Thoughts can help you understand why you react in the same way across a range of events. It can help you see cycles you may be going through.

So what is the goal of ATC?

To separate the Activating Event, our Thoughts about it, and the Consequences 

Breaking things up like this allows us better understanding and more control.

This in turn allows us to identify patterns in our thinking that make us weaker or decrease performance.

After ATC Mastery - modify the patterns in our thinking that make us weaker or decrease performance.

In Practice

So let's separate ATC: Separate the A from the T from the C.

[A]: Just the OBJECTIVE facts–who, what, when, where

[T]: Your interpretation, what you say to yourself in the heat of the moment

[C]: Your Consequences (Emotions you felt/how did you React)

Then, Detect Patterns: Identify any patterns in your [T]'s that undercut your performance and mental toughness.

The goal is to be doing this in real time as you STFU. But I suggest you start doing it first as a stand alone introspective exercise by yourself to get used to using the technique. Think of previous [A]'s, ID your [T]'s, and separate your [C]'s

So do an exercise:

Identify your effectiveness in a variety of situations by generating recent, meaningful, and specific examples of situations you did not handle as effectively as you needed to. Could be family, social, professional. Also generate other situations that you already handled well.

In which of the above situations do you need the most work? <- ATC can have the highest impact here, especially if this is a pattern of behavior. But it can also help strengthen situations you already handle well by bringing into clear focus what you are thinking, feeling, doing, and WHY you are thinking, feeling, doing.

When you work the ATC model for each of these situations you generated, what did you find? What did you learn about yourself? What patterns, if any, did you notice in your Thoughts and/or Consequences across multiple examples? In what ways are your Emotions and Reactions helping or harming you?

Stage One of ATC Self Awareness means you can ACCURATELY see and separate your thoughts, emotions, and reactions to an activating event. Mastery of ATC Self-Awareness means you dig deeper, and understand the WHY behind those thoughts, emotions, and reactions.

Here's an example of ATC being used properly at the Mastery level. Go back and reread our first example.

[Activating event] you would probably think it would be ID'ed as "wife refuses sex." This is not accurate. The activating event is "Wife expressed that I have Low Value." Our [Thought]s were to be defensive and discredit/attack her (I'm not __, you are just __), and to invoke a covert contract (I do x y z so she should want to fuck me!) Our [Consequence]s were to get angry that our covert contract wasn't honored (like a typical Nice Guy), be ashamed because deep down we know its true that we are Low Value, and leave to go drink because that's how we have learned to cope instead of facing reality head on and doing something about it (OYS). If you dig deeper you realize your drinking behavior was learned in childhood by watching your father go drink after fighting with your mother. Keep digging until you find all the Why's.

In our second example, while the thoughts are positive, we see a negative Reaction occur: telling anyone who will listen, "that's MY SON!" is a validation seeking behavior.

Now go back and redo ATC for all the situations you thought of, but this time do it with honesty like above, not like at the beginning. Look deeper for the WHY behind your [Thoughts] and [Consequences]

What did you find? What did you learn about yourself?

What patterns, if any, did you notice in your Thoughts and/or Consequences across multiple examples? What Theme are they falling into?

In what ways are your Emotions and Reactions helping or harming you?

If possible, I suggest doing this with a Morpheus or Mentor or straight talking trusted friend who can keep you honest if you are the self-deluding type. The type with a lot of ego hamstering away at all times to keep you in fantasy land.

What's Next

AFTER Mastery, AFTER completely understanding WHY you are having the thoughts, emotions, and reactions you are, you would then want to start replacing poor performing thoughts like "I'm not a loser, she's a bitch" with more productive ones, like "I have x y z areas where I can improve. I'll work on y area next." as you STFU. Notice that your emotions and reactions follow that higher performing thought. You would also want to plan and shift your negative Thought Themes to more positive ones - for example, a daily mantra of "From now on I'm going to focus my thoughts on Hope For The Future. When my wife rejects me I will immediately think of ways I can improve myself instead of being negative." adjust this as needed as you start seeing change internally.

It should also be noted that similar to what is described in Athol's MAP book, momentum comes into play in these situations. Your Emotions and Reactions to one Activating event (ESPECIALLY when they are negative) can cause a chain reaction and spiral into another, worse Activating Event. Then your Emotions and Reactions to that cause another, and another, and now... well shit, everything is a complete fucking mess isn't it. So STFU and practice ATC.

In Summary

                            ATC is a method to identify your Thoughts about an Activating Event and the Consequences of those Thoughts. Our Thoughts are under our control. 

                            Describe the Activating Event objectively, identify your Thoughts, and identify your Consequences (ER: Emotions, Reactions).

                              Use ATC anytime you’re curious about your Emotions or Reactions, when you don’t like your Emotions or Reactions, or when you’re stuck in a pattern and keep repeating one Thought Theme in response to the same scenarios.