I finally got the balls to soft next my LTR of 3 years after an extended period of disrespect . She’s still expecting unrealistic amounts of commitment that I’m not ready for .

Reddit View
December 1, 2019

Long story short my girlfriend was disrespectful to me and I soft nexted her.Total communication shut off for a week and a half.

When we ended up talking I acted like everything was fine and she did as well. We ended up deciding that an extended break is needed . I initiated the break because I need time alone to work on myself . But she has messaged me a few times talking about things she needs from me. Things that I still feel are unrealistic at this stage of our relationship. We don’t live together but she keeps saying she wants a life long partner who helps and gives himself the way she does. She’s also thrown hints out that she wants me to put her on my insurance so she can have coverage for eyeglasses and shit . I completely ignored these requests and focused on things that I’m working on.

I just get the feeling that the next time we see each other in person nothing is going to be different and she’ll even try and shame me for initiating the break.

Is that point a hard next happens ?

Post Information
Title I finally got the balls to soft next my LTR of 3 years after an extended period of disrespect . She’s still expecting unrealistic amounts of commitment that I’m not ready for .
Author csawyer86
Upvotes 92
Comments 79
Date 01 December 2019 11:28 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit askTRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/297408
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/e4pu1l/i_finally_got_the_balls_to_soft_next_my_ltr_of_3/
Similar Posts

Red Pill terms found in post:
long term relationshipsoft nextinghard nexting

[–]Endorsed ContributorFereallyRed253 points254 points  (5 children) | Copy

An extended break means she's now your ex. Cut the cord. It's your waffling that is making it a bad situation.

[–]1Red_Pill_Brotherhood28 points29 points  (0 children) | Copy


[–]frognads17 points18 points  (0 children) | Copy

This ^

[–]xxx69harambe69xxx11 points12 points  (0 children) | Copy

This ^ ^

[–]Ripdre1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy


[–]oooKenshiooo2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy


[–][deleted]  (5 children) | Copy


[–]RanaMahal26 points27 points  (4 children) | Copy

Yeah man idk. I’m 24 and i’ve always hard and soft nexted girls when they get needy after a few months cuz i don’t wanna deal with their shit. I’ve always felt like an asshole until i started to get into RP stuff a year or so ago and it validated my way of thinking. Committing young years of my life to a girl i’m not 1000000% sure is worth it? FUCK NO.

That’s not even a hardcore RP concept, it’s just a known fact. the word “simp” has been around since the fucking 80s lmao, i don’t get why OP is so hung up on his LTR or why she’s been able to stick around for so long in his life if he doesn’t wanna commit.

[–]Nergaal16 points17 points  (3 children) | Copy

when they get needy after a few months

OP said 3 YEARS

[–]RanaMahal11 points12 points  (2 children) | Copy

oh. oh fuck. oh. holy shit op either commit or run lmao.

[–]damaged_goods4204 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy



[–]RanaMahal4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

i’m in camp commit or run. she could be a great girl and OP just an idiot who won’t commit and he’s saying shit from his own perspective, or she could be crazy pants and OP needs to run lol. usually the 2nd one but you never know. i’ve had this guy on here tell a whole story about a crazy girl he’s with, but i knew him irl and the girl totally isn’t like how he made it out to be aha

[–]69odin42041 points42 points  (0 children) | Copy

The relationship is over move on

[–]Nergaal25 points26 points  (6 children) | Copy

Am I missing something? After 3 YEARS OP is whining that the girl wants to see some form of commitment. In 3 more years she will hit the wall. Some people in this sub are pure sociopaths genuinely believing that "yeah, string along an LTR until the wall then dump her" is a good/productive perspective on life.

[–]csawyer86[S] 1 point2 points  (5 children) | Copy

I should have included this in the original post but we are in a long distance relationship and I have two teenage kids with my ex wife. The commitment she wants just isn’t possible even after 3 years.

[–]athrowaway-900126 points27 points  (0 children) | Copy

Wait what? You chose to leave out this valuable information why?

Fuck that dude. Long distance relationships are not worth my time and money. At that point you are an emotional tampon, and if she is using you for any financial gain too, just wasting your money.

I don't know how well you vetted this girl and how much you are actually invested (which you asking us and typing this post alone speaks volume) in this girl.

I would hard next.

[–]Nergaal11 points12 points  (0 children) | Copy

You are either a troll or extremely clueless. If you think a LTR works as long-distance, then I recommend you get a STD checkup. No girl in your agerange will lasts a LDR for a meaningful time, and you sound like she betaxued you. Good for waking up after 3 years, not get a STD check.

[–]DerpJungler2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Do not even attempt to find out how many dicks she's sucked during those 3 years.

Move the fuck on dude

[–]Ill_mumble_that2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Fuck you. Key details like that belong in the OP. Stop being a fucking idiot.

[–]smhfamswag2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy


LDR’s do not work

[–]zboo1h32 points33 points  (6 children) | Copy

If you cut contact and she didn't leave you a hundred crying voicemails over the time you spent not communicating, guarantee she's at least sending pictures of her asshole to other guys.

Also, if you "both" decided on a "break", I can also guarantee you she's at least sucking other men's cocks.

Be a man and end this stupid thing.

[–]Truedemocracy53 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

OP is very clearly a pussy from his post

[–]randothrowo1234510 points11 points  (0 children) | Copy

Just dump that Thot

[–]iwviw4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

Toughen up. We mostly are on this sub cuz we are soft. This sub will toughen you up. Not like being drafted in war but like reading a bunch of crap

[–]Truedemocracy54 points5 points  (4 children) | Copy

"got the balls"? Dude lol the amount of sheer hamstering here is astounding. Soft nexting someone you're in an LTR with is a puss move. Acting like everything is fine when it's note is a puss move. 3 years is definitely long enough for you to be having these conversations. Your reaction? You guessed it - Puss. Move.

Not Red Pilled in the least.

[–]zamahx0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

This dude is retarded lmfao. 3 years LTR thats long distance relationship and he “soft nexts” her bitch what are you doing??

[–]Truedemocracy5-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

Long term* relationship

[–]csawyer86[S] -4 points-3 points  (1 child) | Copy

Oh mighty God of the red pill. What would have you done ?

[–]Truedemocracy56 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

Break things off face to face like a normal human being

[–]anxiousdweller1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

If you're just going to ghost her or break up with her anyway, how about having a god damn honest conversation with her where you tell her what's really going on and what you need? I mean, it affected you enough to post here. Man up and be honest with yourself. Maybe read No More Mr Nice Guy. I thought this was theredpill.

[–]Beegoop2 points3 points  (19 children) | Copy

The hard next should have happened when she agreed to an "extended break", and should have been confirmed as the move when said break started and then she's talking about "needing things" from you, while on said break.

What is a break if you're still effectively together?

She's basically testing the waters to see if you're complacent enough to be her beta bucks at this point. Life long partner who helps and gives himself the way she does? While being disrespectful to you? Acting like everything is fine afterward? Putting her on your insurance? Bitch are you dumb? Nigga, are you?

This relationship is over, stop entertaining it and her. The hard next needs to happen, unless you feel you can turn this around, through dread game. Even so, it's an uphill battle from here on out since she already knows she can get away with disrespecting you, and you won't even hint or speak up about it. A bitch like that will keep milking you, with talk of "I love you." Don't fall for it.

It's a hard next my man - plate her afterwards if anything, but she's literally talking about locking you down for life, and obviously you guys aren't working.

[–]RanaMahal5 points6 points  (5 children) | Copy

even before RP as a 24 year old blue-ish pill guy i would get sick of relationships after a few months cuz i know i could always find another girl to date after some downtime. i don’t understand this man lol this girl isn’t special. i’ve dated/talked to/fucked aka interacted with, probably a few hundred women already (not saying i fucked them all or anything but i’ve had a couple conversations with them etc) and i have found a total of 3.. exactly 3 women who i would say are special.

one is completely devoted to her bf like he’s a god and they’ve been together for ages, her bf isn’t anything super special but he’s a good guy with a good heart and she talks herself out of stupid shit to stay with him.

other one is travelling the world and working on her career before she settles down to have kids, great woman and doesnt hook up with anyone despite being able to (asian girl so that might be a factor from her upbringing)

last one is my main plate atm, really want to LTR this girl cuz she’s great, but i’m playing it slow cuz i’ve only known her as a friend for about a year, and i still need to feel her out more to see if she’s truly special

[–]oooKenshiooo1 point2 points  (4 children) | Copy

Yeah that Asian chick is slutting it up, my man. The travelers always do and then hamster it away.

[–]RanaMahal0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

they usually do ya, but this chick surprisingly isn’t. at least as far as literally anyone that’s ever met her can tell. she’s travelling for more spiritual type reasons and was still a virgin when she left. she could be doing it on the low but this girl doesn’t have much at all in common with every other “travel girl” i’ve met, and there’s been a few lol.

i know we like to just assume every girl is riding the CC on here but there’s still a fair bit that aren’t, just like not every RP guy is fucking multiple plates etc and some use it to LTR better

[–]oooKenshiooo0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Maybe. Well never know 100%.

[–]RanaMahal0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

oh ya 100%. i’m just against the whole RP advice thing of always running away and hard nexting girls. it’s much better and easier to work on relationships with women, keep them as plates, and soft nexting rather than hard nexting.

hard nextin and running are when there’s just way way way too much shit to deal with lol

[–]ovrload-2 points-1 points  (0 children) | Copy

cope. shes a slut for white cock behind your back you deluded moron

[–]bowhunter61 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I was typing a response, but you already said everything I was going to post. Good work and absolutely correct. Never in 1 million years would I put up with this shit, and I have an LTR of 3 years that wouldn’t dream of asking to get on my insurance, like I’m some of chump. She just begs for the dick (and a little quality time here and there), which is great. This guy’s situation is totally ridiculous.

[–][deleted]  (11 children) | Copy


[–]Beegoop-1 points0 points  (10 children) | Copy

Jesus Christ you all are dense. Everyone knows it's a shit test, which is why she acted like it's perfectly fine. You think we don't know this? This is the problem you fucking moron lmao.

She is literally saying she wants a lifelong partner but is apparently ok with an "extended break" with the man she wants to be "life-long" with? While also asking to be put on this man's insurance?

Are you fucking stupid? Regardless, can you put me on your insurance bro? I'm looking for some Versace frames for my glasses.

Imagine thinking we're dense because this GIRLFRIEND - not even WIFE - wants to be put on his insurance, before marriage.

OP is soft no doubt about it, which is why I said plate her if anything after the hard next - no need to throw it all away, but there's no way this relationship is going to get better while this girl acts the way she does, it needs to stop, it's the whole reason this "extended break" is in effect.

Dense my ass.

[–][deleted]  (8 children) | Copy


[–]Beegoop1 point2 points  (7 children) | Copy

Resorting to attacks off a simple "are you fucking stupid?"

My guy, do yourself a favor and just go back to getting 3 upvotes on ladyboners. Trust me, you're not helping anyone.

[–][deleted]  (6 children) | Copy


[–]Beegoop0 points1 point  (5 children) | Copy

You sure roasted me bro, I wish I had a gay guy in my pocket to flaunt.

I hope OP listens to your advice - the guy who thinks that a gay guy is something to fall back on. Real smart.

[–]SumOfaBishh0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy

Lmao I don't give a fuck about gay dudes. You missed that entire point. Your petty ass went through my post history and looked at my dick. Cmon now you're weirder than me. I haven't even clicked on your profile cause I don't give that much fucks about you.

[–]Beegoop0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy


[–][deleted]  (2 children) | Copy


[–]W_O_M_B_A_T0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Continue radio silence and fuck at least 5 other women.

At that point decide if she's really truly worth taking back. Although, Iron Rule of Thomassi #7.

Not the best idea to go looking for dinner in the dumpster behind your house.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

This is already at the level of hard next.

You could plate her, but if it were me I'd just get a clean break.

[–]smhfamswag0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

a break in a relationship means y’all over.

Niggas be taking “breaks” with they girl and get mad when she fucks other dudes and then wanna get back together like everything the same 😭

[–][deleted]  (26 children) | Copy


[–]i-am-the-prize2 points3 points  (25 children) | Copy

because he should have other options, more exciting and newer options as an RP man of abundance.

from: http://archive.is/uZBHO

Iron Rule of Tomassi #7
It is always time and effort better spent developing new, fresh, prospective women than it will ever be in attempting to reconstruct a failed relationship. Never root through the trash once the garbage has been dragged to the curb. You get messy, your neighbors see you do it, and what you thought was worth digging for is never as valuable as you thought it was.

As a non robot human male, he will have developed feelings for an LTR of 3 years. no chance to truly 'demote to a plate' without some butthurt when he realizes the cock count in her mouth soon to come... so cut the cord, ghost, move on, and start living.

[–]csawyer86[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

I have three other women right now that I could call and fuck if I wanted.

One of them I hung out with a week ago and she came onto me strong and I turned her down. The other one just asked me to go to an event she’s working at a college this Friday. So I have options.

[–]i-am-the-prize0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Good for you. This should reinforce that your Ex is not your only source for intimacy. These other women will be swarming once the news spreads of your new found freedom. Enjoy the ride.

[–][deleted]  (2 children) | Copy


[–]i-am-the-prize-1 points0 points  (1 child) | Copy

to practice Dread and RP tactics, maybe. but getting laid can be done with new women and should be done with new women...

....but if he's been in an LTR and he's not a psycho, he'll have feelings for her. So to not get oneitis and headfucked when she starts fucking (more?) guys, move on. Cut the cord. Imagine he "plates" for sex. But sitll has feelings and still follows on IG/FB and starts seeing her with her Plates/FWBs... why go through that with a 3 YEAR LTR, recent ex.

[–]SumOfaBishh0 points1 point  (19 children) | Copy

Lmao is that really reasonable though? How many options you got my guy? I bet If we asked every guy on here I'd guarentee 3% have more than one girl lined up. Cmon. Terrible advice, I'm sorry..

[–]i-am-the-prize5 points6 points  (7 children) | Copy

It is not only reasonable, it's is required to maintain the power balance in an LTR.

you need to read more sidebar and hang out in MRP...

  1. women have automatic abundance (recall, they control access to poonaney) as long as they are willing to lower their 'standards' they can get laid any night they want from just a trip to the local pub, and waiting in 3....2...1.... and bam, laid.
  2. men do not have auto abundance. you must cultivate attraction by: (a) staying in shape, (b) gaming - even if catch and release- other women even when in an LTR, (c) practice Dread, (d) Continue to flirt, be social, and be the Prize. (you don't need to cheat - why 'lie' the ultimate lie when in an LTR) but you do NEED to be ABLE to cheat/get laid. It has HUGE importance both during and after an LTR.

" How many options you got my guy? "

I am in my 21st year of an LTR. I have never cheated (yet). Right now, I 100% could call 2 other women and get laid by the weekend. One I met through friends of friends, she's let me know point blank "if things don't work out at home..." and she's hot butter, about 15 yrs younger than me. Divorced, no kids. Slammin' body and a 7/10 face. Another is an employee of a client of mine, she's 20 years younger, "single", never married. 6/10 body and 8/10 face, very tall, blonde, quiet, submissive /u/VasiliyZaitzev/ type. "single" = she told me she has a BF but "it's not serious" as she rubbed my shoulder at a after-work party/mixer for her employer. She's asked me multiple times via hints to take her out on my boat "whenever I want to hang out, just the 2 of us" yeah, she's into boats... not.

When I was a BB loser, wondering why my wife would only fuck me once or twice a week, I thought I was a catch because I made bank, would never flirt with/talk to other women, would go shopping with her, I was johnny on the spot responding to txt's and all the other Matrix bullshit that I was fed to make me "an ideal husband" And all I got obliation sex, and I felt an undercurrent of disrespect and contempt in conversations and interactions in my own home. Fuck that.

Now, my wife sees how other women look at me, how I speak naturally with all people wherever I/we go, how she knows I have options (she's said multiple times in the past year how she's worried I will "replace her with a younger, thinner model" - comfort test mode activated). So you're goddamn right I have options. I will never again be a man without options. And BP irony - she's more attracted to me now and has described 2019 as "the best year of our marriage ever" - because she's actually happy to be with a man other women want to be with, yet I chose (and keep choosing) her.

[–]Iluvalmonds833 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy

Very true, and I wonder why the younger inexperienced guys are so quick to dismiss this. A major part of the attraction for women(works both ways actually) to men is their abundance. Who ISN’T attracted to a man/woman who has options but chose you out of all of them? Compersion is a real thing, moreso for women than men. That’s why it’s important, in an LTR, that both partners work on maintaining abundance(staying fit, groomed, gain meaningful life experiences, continually work on bettering themselves). Also, for the very situation that OP is in right now; always have something in the funnel to fall back on.

[–]i-am-the-prize2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Very true, and I wonder why the younger inexperienced guys are so quick to dismiss this.

I think it is because they believe in Relationship Equity. Meaning, if they are devoted, and loving and attentive and the best darn boyfriend/husband they can be, it will build up Equity in the relationship, and when enough Equity is built up- well gosh darn it, she's love him back like no other forever !!!!

Absolute. Fucking. Bullshit.

She will love you because she wants to be with you (now) and is attracted to you (now). Women love men who other men want to be and who other women want to fuck. They don't trust their own hamster; in their past, it has led them astray- yet they do trust the groupthink of other women. Social proof and Social Status is amazingly powerful motivator in how a woman perceives and values you.

Whereas a woman using Dread on a guy is a Nuke level shittest and usually a boundary cross (not because of hypocrisy but because of the defacto asymmetric nature of abundance between the genders) it's a critical component of a vibrant LTR/relationship and it DOES conflict with BP and feminine conditioning and "be a nice guy" and "put her on a pedestal" and all the usual Matrix teachings.

[–]skippwiggins2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

I forget that guys actually grew up not having women hanging off of them through middle school, high school, and beyond.

Be hot, be huge and ripped, financially stable, confident, and a have strong spiritual foundation and apply those principles -which should be #1 and the rest will fall in line naturally. If you weren’t born with great genetics and frame then get on TRT/blast and cruise. It WILL help most men.

This comment is not directed towards you, your post just sparked the thought.

[–]i-am-the-prize1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

10-4. another thing that I got wrong in my BP days was: my priorities.

1) I used to put myself last. I put her and my kids and my work first. If there was any time, effort, energy left over, I'd get the scraps. You see, I thought by putting her first, I was being the best Husband/Partner, it's a lie. Result? I was fat, tired, miserable and not my best-self. Outcome: I was resentful, full of unfulfilled covert contracts, and I was unattractive to her. I still had some options, a few average women who wanted to fuck me, but mostly to be a Provider thanks to my income. IE: steal me away to be their BB.

now? I put myself first.

2) through gym time, workout time, meditation time, trainer time, supplements and food budget - all come first. I do not apologize. I've even picked up BJJ and added more active sports to my rotation. I'm out of the house 3-5x evenings a week at least. Yes, raising SMV needs to happen in lockstep (the 1000' of rope effect only works if she's actually attracted to you). Result? My time is now valued - because I am authentically busy. I am not overly available to her. Outcome: I am fitter, happier, healthier, more fit/outwardly attractive. I've posted enough about this, but to summarize, feels-good-man. Now, when we go out, I am the one guys are mate guarding against.

[–][deleted]  (2 children) | Copy


[–]i-am-the-prize3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy

My advice comes from:

1) i quoted and linked to a Rational Male blog post on not rooting through the trash; here's another on abundance for you: http://archive.is/sBTjj

2) there are hundreds of similar stories of MRP/married red pill guys finding abundance and how it changes their LTR's for the better and/or prepares them for life after an LTR

3) My small sample size (and this is 2 real ones now, 3 months ago there were others I felt I could call up and hang and bang) simply compounds boatloads of other collective experiences, and writings on this topic.

So absolutely I will channel the other resources and share my personal experiences. There is no confirmation bias, I am not protecting a viewpoint. I am sharing found wisdom.

I find it funny you judge me yet you throw out this gem guaranteeing specific percentages (".. I'd guarentee 3% have more than one girl lined up...") talking out of your a$$ with percentages.

why don't you try some of the sidebar truths yourself and see how they work. I have, and happily report that they do.

[–]excalc1 point2 points  (4 children) | Copy

Even if I had 10 options, if none can hang out, having a low effort near sure thing around is good to have

[–]SumOfaBishh0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

So im right then? In his situation you'd have a bunch of other options? Just automatically? You avoided my question.

Don't get it twisted. I'm not saying he should put this girl on a pedestal but clearly if you're dating a girl for 3 years you don't have much girls to just hit up and fuck, considering you're an average guy.

My point is people need more reasonable advice than just go fuck someone else. Makes no sense to give such blind advice when youre clearly daydreaming of a world that only exists in your fantasy's. Thanks for the downvote.

[–]i-am-the-prize1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

but clearly if you're dating a girl for 3 years you don't have much girls to just hit up and fuck

See, that's your problem. I used to think that was normal and "right" I now know it's not. It's not healthy to literally have no other options (than the one chick who thinks "you can't / won't get laid if she chooses to not fuck you").

If you maintain attractiveness, and simply stay social and friendly and a bit flirty, you can have options. I'm not kidding. Open your mind, consider how things would change in your LTR(s) if you kept this mindset and kept your options open. The change in yourself and what your LTR-partner picks up on passively is not to be underestimated.

Before you ignore my points, do yourself a favor and read this: https://archive.is/iGdee titled:

" The 12 Levels of Dread: "The Rules" for any Long Term Relationship" basically - for a healthy LTR you need to be always at levels 1-5.

[–]SumOfaBishh1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

I'm just saying, that's not always possible and expecting that from op isnt exactly reasonable. But you're completely right. Just saying it's confirmation bias.

[–]i-am-the-prize1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

understood. i can't say I expected it form him. but I hope for it for him.

but it is possible, you just have to make it a priority. you can't be the exciting guy, who she's vying for, in the sexual marketplace pre LTR and expect her to be just as hot for you years later when she thinks "i've seen him on the toilet.... and... I'm the only woman who'd fuck him"

you need to rekindle, or better yet, maintain that mystery, that social proof of her seeing other women still attracted to you. it's literally crack for her hamster.

basically, LTRs are RP on hard mode. if you can't maintain frame and game, don't do it, you will BB/BP fall apart.

[–]csawyer86[S] 1 point2 points  (5 children) | Copy

To address this point , outside of my LTR , I have three other women who I could fuck right now if I wanted to . One of them is equal to or maybe even hotter than my LTR depending on the day.

I went out with one of them a week ago and she threw herself at me. I turned her down because I could.

[–][deleted]  (4 children) | Copy


[–]csawyer86[S] 4 points5 points  (3 children) | Copy

I am the OP lmao

[–]Beegoop2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

LMFAO Jesus Christ.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

© TheRedArchive 2021. All rights reserved.

created by /u/dream-hunter