How to create boundaries hack?

misscleanex · 2019-12-10T10:09:02+00:00

Usually talking too much about an ex is something to "Thank you, next."

HB3234 · 2019-12-10T18:42:42+00:00

Read "When I Say No, I Feel Guilty"! This book is a step by step to developing boundaries and assertiveness. Also read "Why Men Love Bitches", which is all about appropriate boundaries in dating.

In terms of when men on dates veer into inappropriate topics, I let them! In fact, sometimes I will even slide in a validating sentence or two that doesn't agree or disagree with his opinion of his ex ("it sounds like you really felt hurt by her"). This helps me see who they really are.. This is not the time to set boundaries, this is the time to vet them to see if they are worth your time. This man is using you as Miss-Right-Now and a rebound. You'll learn more from staying home and reading the two book suggestions I have given, than you will practicing sentences on him.

lilacrhi · 2019-12-10T02:04:51+00:00

withdraw when something happens that you don't like

[deleted] · 2019-12-10T14:00:38+00:00

I’ve always been fairly good and consistent at setting boundaries so I do think this is a place I can shed some light.

Do you have good boundaries with yourself? Do you know your limitations and abilities? If you can’t set boundaries with yourself, you’ll likely subconsciously just not expect it.

Once you master the ability to create boundaries for your personal life, you’ll have an easier time dealing with other people. When you make a good, healthy life for yourself through discipline, you’ll protect it like gold and you’ll less tolerate someone pushing boundaries trying to threaten that.

bellsandbutterflies · 2019-12-12T02:07:59+00:00

I've recommended The Rules for years. In some ways, it could be interpreted as a "fake it 'til you make it" guide to boundaries.

Adhering to The Rules will create the appearance of boundaries... learning how adhering to The Rules makes you feel will help you learn how to set boundaries of your own.

Or, at least that's what my experience was.

I'm sorry you're seeing someone who makes you feel uncomfortable. Sometimes, the best way to enforce a boundary is to just remove yourself from a situation!

fairishvanilla · 2019-12-12T15:54:42+00:00

Speaking up about your needs and being assertive isn’t inherently masculine. I think it’s all about how you say it. Learn how to tell him that you don’t like whatever is happening without accusing, complaining, whining, criticizing, etc. Using wording that leaves a bit of plausible deniability seems to better received by people who tend to take things too personally. Maybe be a bit timid or hesitant when saying it, rather than coming across as putting your foot down (which is sometimes necessary, but I don’t think it’s a good first resort unless it’s something very serious). I’ve had men tell me, “I like how you say that without making me feel like an asshole/scum/a perv/etc.” So I think that’s the most important part of it.

I cannot remember the book, but I remember this. “The man is the head of the household, the woman is the neck. The neck decides where to turn the head to.” It probably sounded more eloquent than that, but that’s the gist of it! Gentle guidance is feminine and assertive.

fairishvanilla · 2019-12-10T01:34:31+00:00

[deleted]

LateralThinker13 · 2019-12-10T16:43:56+00:00

Be nice but be firm. It's not hard.

"Please don't talk about your ex- to me. I am not interested in the detritus of a prior failed relationship, and it is a sign that you aren't over her."

And then leave it there. If he does it again, he ISN'T over her and next him. If he doesn't, it worked.

Title	How to create boundaries hack?
Author	reallyhatesyou
Upvotes	3
Comments	13
Date	December 10, 2019 1:29 AM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/e8jiy6/how_to_create_boundaries_hack/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/how-to-create-boundaries-hack.298589 https://theredarchive.com/post/298589

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