Housewives/SAHMs and domestic tasks

2019-12-11T02:44:10+00:00

I'm home, and I have two boys. When my husband is the breadwinner and provider, I consider it my job to care for the kids, house, food, and errands. The division of labor means we all get to spend time together. He keeps work at work as much as possible, and I try to get as much done on the house as possible during my kids' school day, as well as grab some down time. My schedule is more like a split shift. I work in the morning getting kids ready for school, do daily chores like dishes, laundry, etc. I then pick a couple of rooms that need deep cleaning and do that, then I eat lunch and give myself a bit of down time before I pick kids up. Then I'm helping with homework, running to activities, cooking dinner, getting kids ready for bed. We work similar amounts of time I think.

just_a_mum · 2019-12-11T02:06:03+00:00

We have two kids, aged 3 and 1 yr, and I am a SAHM. When my husband is at work, I am solely responsible for child rearing and housekeeping. This results in me doing the majority of the household chores.

When my husband is home, we split the child rearing 50/50. He will do certain chores that I didnt/couldn't get around to that day and I make like 90% of all our meals (he likes to do the occasional breakfast!)

I was brought up in a house where my Mum did almost all housework and child rearing and clearly resented it. I lived quite a feminist life in my late teens and early 20's, though I always knew I wanted kids and I wanted to be a SAHM. I met my husband as we were both finishing our respective doctorates. He said in the beginning of our relationship that he would be happy being a SAHD if I earned more than him, obviously it didnt work out that way! Hes said to me recently that there is no way he could do what i do and hes really happy with the way our lives are now!

Neither of us are religious and i was not brought up in religion.

Galaxine · 2019-12-11T01:31:43+00:00

My husband helps with chores that are difficult for me- carrying the garbage, changing light bulbs, etc. And he loves to cook. So he makes 3 or so meals a week. It is a hobby of his and he has fun with it.

Any more than that is if I'm ill or laid up from an injury or we have plans to sort through a room and donate unused articles to charity etc.

AquaSerenityPhoenix · 2019-12-11T01:58:28+00:00

1.) I wouldn't say yes because my husband helps were it's needed (and sometimes just because he wants to), but my primary responsibility and role is housekeeping, childcare, and selfcare.

2.) After I lost my job I wrote a letter/cover letter to my now husband, explaining my skill and what I could offer him as a housewife. We had a conversation about expectations, goals, and benefits and he gave it a shot.

I try to schedule my tasks weekly. I still don't have a set schedule, but I know the bare minimum what what I need to do to maintain the household.

3.) I would say 8-9 hours for general childcare (including schooling); and 4-5 hours for cleaning, cooking, and personal maintenance. Those things combine in various ways throughout the day depending on what i need to get done and which child chooses to test boundaries that day haha.

4.) I brought up the idea to him and we decided together what that would look like. We have, and still are, perfecting it over the course of our relationship.

5.) I was raised in a home where my mom stayed home and my father worked. My husband grew up in a home were both worked.

6.) I grew up in a Christian based cult, but on my own I officially identify as agnostic. My husband was raised Methodist . We have many vaules based on our upbringing, but you wouldn't see me call myself religious.

Edit: Most of the women I was surrounded by were housewives. I never concidered them role models even now because it was the norm for me. I think reconciling my childhood with other trauma also prohibits me from seeing some of those women as remodels.

If I think now I'd have to say I model myself after a housewife you'd see in Mad Men, but more Joan and less Betty lol.

just_a_mum · 2019-12-11T02:07:20+00:00

We have two kids, aged 3 and 1 yr, and I am a SAHM. When my husband is at work, I am solely responsible for child rearing and housekeeping. This results in me doing the majority of the household chores.

When my husband is home, we split the child rearing 50/50. He will do certain chores that I didnt/couldn't get around to that day and I make like 90% of all our meals (he likes to do the occasional breakfast!)

I was brought up in a house where my Mum did almost all housework and child rearing and clearly resented it. I lived quite a feminist life in my late teens and early 20's, though I always knew I wanted kids and I wanted to be a SAHM. I met my husband as we were both finishing our respective doctorates. He said in the beginning of our relationship that he would be happy being a SAHD if I earned more than him, obviously it didnt work out that way! Hes said to me recently that there is no way he could do what i do and hes really happy with the way our lives are now!

Neither of us are religious and i was not brought up in religion.

Anonymous_fiend · 2019-12-11T16:34:34+00:00

I’m recently engaged but have been off/on being domestic and waitressing. Now Im about to work pt at his family’s company to help out. I met him while waitressing full time and taking college course at night. My fiancé was very forward with that goal and expectation when he first asked me out. He’s the youngest of 4 and his parents are much older which I think plays a huge part in his want for a more traditional relationship. Also his mother is a sahm who occasionally worked as an elementary teacher. My mom was a sahm who was a school librarian for a couple years to help get reduced private school tuition.

Religion definitely plays a huge part of a more traditional lifestyle. We are Jewish and want to become more Orthodox (I converted but grew up religious/Christian). A majority of Orthodox Jewish wives only work pt/don’t work and do all the domestic tasks.

If working pt: It takes around 1h day. I do 80% of the chores- He’ll help out with laundry or dishes when I ask. I usually don’t make as elaborate meals or homemade bread. House isn’t as clean and we will run errands together. I’m more stressed and less receptive.

If not working: 3h+ housework/errands day- I do everything. I have more time for gardening, hobbies, exercise, friends, planning, etc. I become very grateful and welcoming.

We do have a small efficiency so I expect to do more housework when we move into a house next year. I keep organized with my tasks by making lists and having a morning cleaning routine. A monthly planner is very helpful for me.

MrsHeartland · 2019-12-11T19:41:44+00:00

We have a preschooler and one on the way. I worked up until I had our first child. I always wanted to be a SAHM because that’s what my mom did, and her mom, etc. And then from observing friends growing up with and without working parents and being an adult working with working parents. It made the most sense for one parent to stay at home.

My husband and I both believe in traditional living and reject feminism. The funny is though neither of us are religious and politically we are fairly left leaning progressives (except the feminist stuff obvi).

I basically take care of everything inside the home. My husband does everything outside. This division of labor just kind of came naturally. My husband will absolutely help out if I ever ask him to, but I try to keep up on everything as much as possible so he doesn’t have to. But sometimes I’m cooking and I’ll just be like “hey can you flip the laundry for me while you’re upstairs?” and it’s no big deal. We recognize the importance of each other’s duties and we are willing to work together as a team to keep our family moving forward. It’s awesome!

GlitteratureMama · 2019-12-19T16:43:50+00:00

When I need help, I ask for it, but for the most part yes. My husband works from home for a high stress job and he has a lot more to deal with than I do, so I don't ask often. I know he's there if I need him, but I know he often needs a break more than I do. Mostly I ask for advice on how to do or handle something (soothe baby, time management, etc.), because sometimes I can't remember something, or can't think of a solution, or he could think of a better one. I do change all the diapers, and that has been triggering for some people. I like to help my baby feel clean, and my husband does not wish to do it. He would if I needed him to though, it just hasn't happened yet.
I wanted to be a homemaker, but did not wish to force this on my husband. Discussed it, and since he was on board, quit my job. I use the flylady system schedule and only tweak it a tad to add in things I want and take out things I do not. The only things I really schedule are meal planning, prep, & shopping lists. My husband works a high stress job, takes out the trash, pays bills, moves heavy things, handles yardwork & repairs.
I do not really know how many hours collectively, but the FlyLady system is really quick and wonderful. I spend 1 minute in each bathroom a week, for example. It helps wonders with with a baby!! Cooking can take up to 1 hr 40 min on an average day (that's if I cooked breakfast, dinner, and baked bread for lunch), but I prioritize healthy meals for my family. With a baby there is a lot of going back and forth and I do stop work around 3 pm or earlier (besides FlyLady evening routines). I have 1 day a week off from housekeeping, and another day I don't do anything but basic FlyLady everyday routines. Additional obligations I do fill the water, and take care of the dogs. That takes prob 5 min or less.
I made this choice of course.. I don't know anyone who is forced to be a SAHM, although i have heard of people feeling forced by circumstance (working hours don't line up) or a feeling of duty. I love being a mom, making my home cozy, welcoming. Some things of course are duties, like cleaning the toilet bowl, but my husband has his fair share of his own duties. Some things are, I feel, a mix of duty and enjoyment (I do like cooking and cleaning sometimes, but sometimes I think of it a duty lol).
I was kind of. My mom was a SAHM, and in the beginning, YES. But then she was told she was oppressed, and stopped doing much cooking, sat and did little. It's sad because that one comment contributed to the downfall of our family in a way, whereas previously my mother was happy, exuded joy and then started acting bitter and expectational. But that early role modelling she gave was wonderful, and I am so glad someone in my life loved babies & children.
Role models - my Great Aunt - spent decades perfecting her cooking, gardened beautifully, knit, painted, reupholstered, etc., was a wonderful hostess, and loved us as if we were grandchildren (unable to have kids of her own); somewhat my Grandma - she grew food, cleaned & cooked but only in retirement. Then there are many good fictional ... the Little Women characters are excellent and in their own ways, as well as the mom from Little House in the Big Woods (Have yet to read rest of series, can't wait), wife from DickVanDyke. And who my mom was, cooking for her family, keeping home, and loving her children. She still loves babies though and I have seen improvement with her & my dad. It's hard to shake off years of habit though, and I hope she can overcome that.
Although I am Christian, I chose to be a housewife before I found God, so to speak. But I do think it helps me to be a better wife, mother & homemaker. Just a better person in general I think. So no, it did not play into my choice.

Zegiknie · 2020-01-05T20:21:30+00:00

We're pagan, which isn't very prescriptive, but meaningful to us. Like before Yule we have mother's night - part spiritual part practical deep cleaning and the me folk go out.

My husband is breadwinner and I do all the housework unless I can't and then we hire help. I'm sick atm and my husband tries to help because no cleaner. My MIL came over and did some laundry but the house is a mess.

I don't count the hours, I normally don't have actual free time, but I can do fun stuff with kids and have a designated night of bathtime.

I was raised by a dysfunctional housewife, no religion. My husband and I kind of organically came into this arrangement.

Title	Housewives/SAHMs and domestic tasks
Author	LaneysWorld2
Upvotes	17
Comments	13
Date	December 11, 2019 1:28 AM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWives
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWives/comments/e904je/housewivessahms_and_domestic_tasks/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWives/housewivessahms-and-domestic-tasks.298748 https://theredarchive.com/post/298748

Comments