Hey, so basically the title. I was raised in Mormonism that taught me that even thinking about sex is a sin akin to murder (yes, they actually believe this). I also have OCD which causes me to doubt everything, and my only sexual experience was with a terrible fling, so I have a rather warped view of sex and women.
Basically, I believe that women have no actual sex drive, and that they simply use their bodies/sex as a means to an end. My OCD constantly makes me doubt that they do. I believe (or at least my mind tells me) that the female orgasm doesn't exist, that it's simply a myth perpetuated by the patriarchy or whatever. For example:
- If a woman masturbates? Either her boyfriend asked her to, or else she's getting paid by a customer or porn producer.
- If a woman tries seducing a man? Oh, she must be trying to baby-trap him or else have some other ulterior motive that doesn't make sense.
- I was at a sex shop a while ago, and I literally saw a girl buying a bullet vibrator there and asking the store clerk about it. My brain STILL could not come to the conclusion that she is probably going to use it to masturbate. Maybe she's buying it for a female friend of hers. Maybe it's for her boyfriend, as some guys use them. Maybe she's just going to put it away and never touch it again when she gets home. She's probably not going to use it tonight.
- Seeing a lot of women in skimpy clothing at raves/parties twerking and dancing? Oh, it's just what people wear and do there.
- If a woman talks online about her sexual experience? Oh, probably either 1) making it up, or 2) it's a man using a woman's name and profile picture.
- This fling I had literally initiated sexual activity with me? Oh, well, it's just expected of women. She was also bipolar, so she's probably crazy to actually want me.
My brain is fucked up and I need help. I want to develop a healthy view of female sexuality (and sex/sexuality in general). Does anyone have any tips???????
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