Caught volition spouse lying - possible infidelity

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December 30, 2019

Squat 265 lbs Bench 185 lbs Deadlift 335 lbs BF 25% - still fat, weight’s coming down weekly.

Wife is a volatile pothead. She’s becoming increasingly unstable and is difficult to predict. She admits to having some sort of disorder but self medicates with weed she buys off of her half brother (whose related to her by her mothers affair). She has the pothead “smarter than thou” persona and assumes everyone is beneath her and is extremely short tempered. I would have thrown her in the trash heap, but I have a 15 month old with her. I’m a Canadian currently on visitor visa here in the USA and don’t want to leave my baby girl with her as I know she’ll just dump her on her mom while she works and fucks off.

I caught her lying about her outing on Saturday. She claimed she had a dead battery and asked me to leave her alone as it’s been the worst night ever. Fabricated elaborate story having one of her friend’s boyfriend’s front the bill as she had no money.

Long story short, I investigated and I’m 100% it’s a lie. I didn’t call her out on lying, but her friends boyfriend is an acquaintance of mine and I texted him a thank you and offered to pay him back. He didn’t respond as he had no idea what I was talking about and contacted his girlfriend who in turn called my cunt-wife. She calls me in furious temper that I embarrassed her by discussing “money issues” with a friend.

The only reason why I held off on calling her out is that she needs to sign my sponsorship documents for me to get my work permit and PR. I’m on parental leave (we get paid EI if we take time off to take care of a newborn) and she’s been declining on and off (pending on her mood swings) to sign them.

I need those documents signed and I’m stuck. I’m staying cool, not engaging her and letting her blow up.

Need advice

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Title Caught volition spouse lying - possible infidelity
Author Neilio_Heilio
Upvotes 10
Comments 40
Date 30 December 2019 12:20 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit askMRP
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[–]mrpthrowa14 points15 points  (9 children) | Copy

You sir, are in the unprecedented MRP position of having signed away your frame, literally.

You're tunnel visioned on this sponsorship document. Yeah, do whatever you have to do to get it, including stepping on your testies in the process. I can't offer legal advice here but you have a short term that needs whatever. GEt it done.

Beyond this, right now you got to make some long term plans and goals here.

And they better not involve that pothead bitch daughter of a whore.

Goals that are centered around you. That is missing right now.

Tell us, what is your long term plan

What is your mission

you clearly fucked up big time in life. Time to correct course.

[–]Neilio_Heilio[S] 3 points4 points  (8 children) | Copy

It’s massive fuck up. Relationship was great initially, she did a great job at masking all her issues, all things came to light when she took her pot smoking to a career high.

Goal: get my work permit (start working) and PR (2 months until acceptance upon signing) and buy a home (I will have a down payment with 4-5 months.) shortly after, divorce.

I won’t put the home in my name, will be in a company name under my parents.

Long term: home ownership and self employment and not needing her for anything. I want full custody but that’s impossible in the state of Florida.

I will not leave my little girl to be raised by her or her mother. Not for a moment, I will do anything to be the primary force in her life.

[–]mrpthrowa11 points12 points  (2 children) | Copy

It’s massive fuck up. Relationship was great initially, she did a great job at masking all her issues, all things came to light when she took her pot smoking to a career high.

You fucked up your vetting. You need to understand this so you learn how to avoid this in the future. Crush your ego.

buy a home (I will have a down payment with 4-5 months.) shortly after, divorce

I would think this is in the wrong order.

I want full custody but that’s impossible in the state of Florida.

This statement and the one above tell me you likely need to get clued up a lot more on the laws where you live. Read, contact a lawyer, explore options. Start scheming - you can do things now that will help you down the line.

[–]Neilio_Heilio[S] 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

Thank you. Golden advice.

[–]Whammywham0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Yeh. Work with a lawyer. Document that you are primary caretaker. Let her go out all she wants, let her fuck who she wants. Use her partying, affairs, and drug use against her.

[–]Onein1024th2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

all things came to light when she took her pot smoking to a career high.

Why is it at an all time high now? You probably enable her

[–]mrpmonk1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Excellent observation

[–]juliusstreicher0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Have proof that parents are lending you the home.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

You’re going to buy a home and then get divorced. You’re a fucking idiot.

[–]RedWhacker0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Huh I'm confused? Are you located in Florida or Canada?

[–]TaipanshimshonRed Beret5 points6 points  (3 children) | Copy

Welp. You sure picked a good one

[–]Neilio_Heilio[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Hindsight is always 20/20.

[–]TaipanshimshonRed Beret3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy

You're missing my point. It's about you. Not her. Quit being a victim

[–]Neilio_Heilio[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I fucked up, I know it - I blame myself for this shit.

[–]Terminal-Psychosis4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

Say goodbye to yer greencard friend.

May as well write it off. That IDGAF attitude might be the very thing she wanted to get her to sign... maybe...

Just prepare yourself for the worst, cause she's fucking around and you need something very important from her.

20/20 hindsight. What to do now? heh, pack yer things, save money, cause you moving back. Try to take yer kid with you.

Maybe the cheater's mom would help? Or would she blab about it too?

In any case, do as much as you can to keep the situation as beneficial to you as possible. Financially, with yer kid, don't say a peep to her unless you need.

Get a damn lawyer too.

Mostly, just relax and know you blew it bigtime. She ain't ever gonna sign. Not unless you find some huge crowbar or bribe.

[–]part_wolf6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

I think your best bet at this point is to speak to an immigration lawyer about getting her signature and sponsorship waived as a battered spouse. If you can gather evidence of any physical threats from her, harassment, or emotional abuse then you might be able to use that status to gain residency and solve your work problem. The important thing here is that you don’t need to prove the abuse and your wife won’t know.

You also would have a better shot at convincing the system that you’re the best parent in terms of custody if you can show that she’s using drugs (pot is still illegal in Florida), she’s an unstable parent, and she doesn’t have financial means.

[–]The_LitzRed Beret2 points3 points  (4 children) | Copy

You have put yourself in a position of weakness.

You will have to backtrack a bit. Play her games to get the paperwork done and then work on a plan to get yourself out of there.

But first, a paternity test is in order....

[–]Neilio_Heilio[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

I know she tries to play me for money. Although she’s working and I’m living on my EI benefits and savings, she would rather see me eat crumbs than spend a nickel on myself. I’m thinking of giving her what she’s asking for in exchange for her signing off. I was highly considering involving her parents, but her mom (who acts neutral) is on her daughters side (even if she comes home high as hell). Her dad is beta and has no authority.

I only thought of them as a potential help because they’re a witness as to how insane their daughter is and how hard I’ve worked for our daughter and to (somewhat) be hopeful about my relationship to the daughter.

However, they’re out of the question.

[–]The_LitzRed Beret2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Parents will always side with their child, don't even bother barking up that tree.

Welcome to the grind. You will have to formulate your plan and execute it.

Right now you are too emotional. She is a shitty wife but right now just her breathing irritates you.

Let logic guide you untill you reach your goal.

[–]Onein1024th1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

she tries to play me for money

there's your signature leverage

[–]Neilio_Heilio[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I’m confident it’s my girl. She’s my female clone - wife has endurance for drama. She’s like Jerry Springer meets Young and the Restless.

[–]SoggyTrainCucked by machines1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Is pot legal in your state? I would somehow record her smoking pot when the child is in the house so that you have that to use against her later, as well as her violence.

[–]screechhaterRed Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy


[–]Downtowndex720 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

When does she need to sign them? How long from now?

[–]Neilio_Heilio[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

The sooner the better, there’s no deadline. I already paid my lawyer. He just needs her signature to submit.

[–]Downtowndex724 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

Is it possible she is holding this over your head to control you? Why not tell her you scheduled a signing at the lawyer’s office and also tell her you scheduled a fancy dinner or a romantic vacation right after the signing ceremony (NOT BEFORE).

This is a big deal. Land that plane with whatever it takes.

[–]OptimusRP0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Tough spot brother. Good on you for not abandoning your daughter, just make sure she's really your daughter.

[–]No_Potential604050 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

ok, so she gets mad at you for discussing money matters with others, even though it is supposed to be the guy who gave her the money? yeah, i believe that.

talk about deflection, in the mean time, get a lawyer and do what he says. you can win this.

[–]vabab80 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Any updates?

[–]part_wolf0 points1 point  (11 children) | Copy

Does the child have a passport?

[–]The_LitzRed Beret1 point2 points  (6 children) | Copy

I am thinking along the same lines. But it won't work.

[–]part_wolf1 point2 points  (5 children) | Copy

Humor me, for OP's sake. Why not?

[–]The_LitzRed Beret5 points6 points  (4 children) | Copy

I am jot in the USA so may be talking shit but most countries, even if you have a passport, require an unabridged birth certificate and both parents present or written consent to leave the country. If I am not mistaken, OP would not even be able to take the kid across state lines without consent.

Lots of meusures these days to curb trafficking of minors and foreigners making a dash for it with their kids.

He might be able to produce all the necessary documents if he has previously taken her there to visit his family.

But the overall thing is still, OP's mission is to live and work in the USA, not running from the law.

Trust me, he will have zero visitation rights if he tries to make a run for it and gets caught.

Still like the plan though...

[–]part_wolf2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

All valid points. I wasn't making a suggestion, I was simply exploring a line of thinking. This person has few options.

[–]umizumiz0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

In the States, you have complete control over your child. You could take your kids and move to Alaska while the wife is at work. Not illegal. She would have to get a lawyer and a custody case.

[–]The_LitzRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Isn't Alaska still in the US?

[–]Neilio_Heilio[S] 1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy

No, but that application is ready. She’s declined to sign them thinking I would run off with her. I’m trying to cool her down and get her to sign the same time as my PR.

[–]part_wolf5 points6 points  (2 children) | Copy

I posted a separate comment, but you may want to apply for permanent residency as a battered spouse. You seem to meet all of the criteria.

[–]Onein1024th2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

OP needs to call the cops on her if she gets violent in the slightest

[–]part_wolf4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

I’m taking it a step further to suggest that he go ahead and claim battery and file the paperwork to waive her sponsorship. He won’t have to prove the battery, and his wife won’t be notified. If he’s seeking a divorce, it seems like his best option.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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