How to deal with my boyfriend's promiscuous past?

misscleanex · 2020-01-06T19:08:43+00:00

An experienced partner(your current SO, not the ex) is not a bad thing. He has more of a level head and more tempered expectations about sex than someone who's only had sex with one girl and the majority of his idea of what is a good sex life comes from porn instead of human interaction. (Just an example)

Honestly, if a man has had a decent amount of casual sex but wanted to enter a relationship with you I think he would have more of an idea of what he does and doesn't like and for whatever reason, he's decided that you are worth more to him than cheap casual sex with strangers. Congrats girl, you have beat out all the plates! He's seen the pros and cons of meaningless casual sex and ultimately he's decided he'd rather pursue something with a deeper connection. Better for him to get it all out of his system than to have a midlife crisis down the road so he's never wondering "what if?"

The other piece here, is that you are making him pay for another man's mistakes. I know it's hard make that hurt go away and that would be a hard undertaking, but if you can separate the hurt from that experience from your ability to trust others, it could go a long way for your relationship. You had a dud before, but not all men are duds!

Good luck!

Kara__El · 2020-01-06T14:25:50+00:00

I honestly think you're being pretty unfair, especially since you're not a virgin yourself. People are whole humans, with pasts and all, but you've known this about your boyfriend for two years. If this was an issue, the time to address it was two years ago. How would you feel if he suddenly felt uncomfortable with the fact that he wasn't your first?

My husband doesn't really know how many women he's been with, just that he hadn't hooked up with anyone for about two years before me, because he was so tired of it. When I met him, I was 27 and had only even kissed one other person. He was 30, though, and had been an adult man for 12 years. That's a long time. I certainly brought my past to the relationship, so I've never judged him for the same. If it was a problem, though, I would have brought it up then.

If you're uneasy about moving in with him, maybe you should reconsider that, instead of finding reasons to look down on him. You can search this sub for the word "cohabitation" and find a dozen reasons why it's better to wait for engagement. If it's what you really want, that's your business, but if it's making you this uneasy, maybe you should rethink it.

z0mb1equeen · 2020-01-07T00:02:06+00:00

These girls in his past are not with him now (likely did not even make it to relationship level) and mean absolutely nothing to him. Men feel proud about their conquests - even if it makes us eye-roll. And yes he absolutely did it for the chase and pleasure of it, and yes for men sex is different and they don't need the connection like we do. That is life and you can't resent him for it. Maybe tell him to tone it down with those kinds of comments. But you have to come to terms and find a way to let go of that past and look at the man he is now. Resentment is not good for any relationship. Think of yourself and ur relationship as above all of that.

YOU are the one who's by his side. And as others have said, these experiences help so that he's not completely clueless with you and that he doesn't need to go "out there" to look for any experiences he missed.

The fact that he had several experiences doesn't mean he would "bang anything that breathes" (although most men would lol), it is just natural to take those opportunities for a man when he's single and not thinking about commitment yet. This does not take away from you, unless he has issues with being faithful, is disrespectful or overly flirtatious around women.

itsjbuttz · 2020-01-07T11:28:34+00:00

Has he acknowledged that it is the last and they weren’t his proudest moments?

akihonj · 2020-01-06T13:23:07+00:00

Ok so assuming that you're a virgin, haven't even ever once kissed anybody else, then you passing judgement on him is perfectly justified and you'd be right or at least fair to worry, I doubt though that's the case and I also doubt that you don't have any history so what can you do

Well first try to give up on this feeling, it's doing you no favours and actually making things worse for you, you got cheated on, so did I a girlfriend and then an ex wife I've had to learn the hard way you cannot control people they will do or not do what they choose to, it all depends on that person and how much they value the other person they are in a relationship with.

Why do you think that he's ever likely to teach any children about going out a banging anything that moves, seems to me you're getting way ahead of yourself, you could move in and break up within the year because you are the one who's cheated on him while he's been utterly faithful to you.

Title	How to deal with my boyfriend's promiscuous past?
Author	DonutsJunction
Upvotes	5
Comments	20
Date	January 6, 2020 10:53 AM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/ekskt1/how_to_deal_with_my_boyfriends_promiscuous_past/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/how-to-deal-with-my-boyfriends-promiscuous-past.304326 https://theredarchive.com/post/304326

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