(Stats in profile)

I'm trying to figure out how to consolidate the ideas of both meekness and standing up for myself when it comes to my future inlaws, while not being a total wimp who lets people walk over them.

They are VERY tradition-minded and like to go on long winded speeches about their expectations for how I treat their daughter. They frequently question her on if I abuse her, or if I treat her poorly and treat me generally with animosity. (I've used A.M. here with pretty negative results from her family.)

Example: "Physical violence is NEVER okay in a relationship."(something I have never gotten even close to doing, so its unwarranted and feels like a pretty general attack of my character.) And my response would be something like "She usually hits me with an open hand."

I am naturally a confrontational person. I probably err on the side of tactlessness in my general life. However I am learning that my slapdash approach to tearing into people is oft not in love, and I recognize I struggle with venomous words. (Never towards her family or in front of them.)

In those moments I use to get mad and would want to ask them what theyre accusing me of. At this point I don't really care what they say, but it will have fallout on my relationship and my fiance will get really weird regarding how I talk to her following her families 'attack' on my character. I just assume nip it in the bud, but walking out or outright STFU-ing feels tactless to me (what my current response is.)

So what I'm asking is: Can you give examples or advice on how to broach this? I know Jesus says turn the other cheek, but his apostles also wrote some pretty sharp letters to convict others of their wrong doing.