~ archived since 2018 ~

Fake It Till You Make It

March 4, 2022
30 upvotes

FITYMI

Revisiting this concept because I see so many people totally fail to understand what the purpose of FITYMI is.

MRP is composed of basically two parts:

Red Pill Truth and Red Pill Strategy

The whole point of obligatory FITYMI is to experiment with these community agreed upon truths and strategies, then see what conclusions you personally come to. In the end you aren't suppose to just to believe everything here because some guy said so - Red Pill isn't a religion despite how so many guys act. This is your first step into developing FRAME.

And I know most of you aren't doing this because of the gem colored turds in askMRP. The same happens whenever you see some dunce in OYS arguing about "Well that wouldn't work for me" - these guys either want to know what strategies to use but have never done the work, or jerk off into their own mouths enough to think they don't need to try a strategy like "lift and bjj" because they think they're smart enough to see how dumb it is without doing it.

Here's an example:

Red Pill Truth: Texting is for Logistics Only

Turns out it's horse crap! Well, for me it is anyway. Most of you can't help but triple text your hopeful side piece then block her like that indian guy that keeps sliding in my DMs. (and that's why even though I don't agree with it for me, I still agree with it for the masses.)

Alternatively, over the last 3.5 years I've had a real come to Jesus moment regarding the value of Mayor Game, STFU and likeability. I watched my life significantly improve when I stopped being a sperg just because I wanted to be "authentic" to whatever unconscious cupcake hide deep inside.

I did this by experimenting with my own life and watching as my peers experimented with the same ideas. But like you will, I had hang ups. Little niggling feelings of insecurity that try to stop me from behaving in the new way - this is why you have to fake it. You are defying your sensibilities. The very same sensibilities that turned you into the you that you are now.

You are questioning the very core identity blocks that created the horrible statue of YOU. The whole point is to replace these block one at a time. You can't put too much pressure on your identity, or try to change everything all at once, otherwise it will cause you to break frame. (This is what is called going Rambo.) Your identity cannot handle the weight stress an instantaneous total transformation would cause.

We all understand the Thousand Foot Rope this also applies to you and yourself. You are both the first mate, and the captain. You don't trust yourself to lead (and you shouldn't honestly) but the map you now have is different, and it won't start feeling like you're actually being your own captain until you've done it for a while.

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Post Information
Title Fake It Till You Make It
Author Praexology
Upvotes 30
Comments 11
Date March 4, 2022 3:21 AM UTC (10 months ago)
Subreddit /r/MarriedRedPill
Archive Link https://theredarchive.com/r/MarriedRedPill/fake-it-till-you-make-it.1104262
https://theredarchive.com/post/1104262
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/t69bhg/fake_it_till_you_make_it/
Red Pill terms in post
Comments

[–]BarracudaRPMRP APPROVED 9 points10 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

>it won't start feeling like you're being your own captain until you've done it

Exactly! The first time we do anything, it's going to feel inauthentic. This is where guys get hung up on the word 'fake' ("Your frame shouldn't be fake, bro!"), when really it means "Having the balls, confidence and frame to take ACTION - even if you're inexperienced or afraid or defying your own sensibilities and doing it anyways."

>“One pretends to do something, or copy someone or some teacher, until it can be done confidently and easily in what becomes one’s own style.”– Cary Grant (stolen from this #60DoD post)

I've been practicing for years to be a professional dance instructor, cuz I'm a pimp like that. The first time I give a dance lesson, it's going to feel unnatural or inauthentic by definition. Regardless, I'm going to be full of confidence during that first lesson. And really - what is the alternative? The other option is to wait until I feeeeel like a dance instructor before I start giving lessons. Making decisions based on subjective feeling states, hmm... sounds familiar.

>Red Pill isn't a religion

Finally, I can stop facing east when I read OYS. I learned the same way you did - theory then practice. Trying the tools in the MRP Toolbox and then deciding what worked; I don't get to dismiss the Orbital Sander (or Texting For Logistics Only) until I've tried it. I learned the rules, and followed the rules - so that later I could break the rules.

There's one more Frame that helped me. From my #60DOD post on FITYMI:

>Fake It Till You Make It by borrowing the frame of another man. A man you admire, one who is strong where you are weak. Steal it and make it your own. Who is this strong man whose frame we’re going to steal? It’s you, your frame, in the future. Take on the persona of the man who has been doing this for years ... Steal Frame from the future version of yourself that you have defined clearly with your vision.

>Don’t be afraid to adopt the frame of strong men who came before you. Don’t get stuck performing a crude impression of anyone else ... Notice when you’re outgrowing your borrowed frame, and develop into one authentic version of you that masters these skills for himself.

[–]muzzy_W0eUnplugging / Divorced 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Notice when you’re outgrowing your borrowed frame

I experienced this a few months ago. This is so fucking hard to see. You'll have successes that reinforce that the way you're seeing things is right. It's hard as shit to separate yourself from a crutch that has carried you far. What got you here won't get you there is simple advice but hard (in my experience) to execute because it's not always clear when a tool has outlived it's usefulness and it's crossed the threshold to being a hinderance.

[–]part_wolfPotential Wild Card / Dreadful '20 4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

It should really be “act as if” until you get used to it.

Act as if you’re not a desperate loser who follows his wife around until you realize how dumb that is.

Act as if you are someone who has good hygiene/grooming/style until it becomes a habit.

The list goes on.

Consistency leads to competence. Competence leads to confidence. Confidence leads to congruence. If you don’t “act as if”, you’ll never be competent.

“Faking it” or LARPing is allowing your ego to convince yourself (and others) that you did the work when you didn’t even make it to consistency.

[–]PutABabyInThat 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

There was a post here once where someone compared it to providing structural support for a plant.

You start out as a spineless blob. You take this stick (RP) and shove it up your ass to prop yourself up. After spending some time walking around like a man, you grow your own internal structures and no longer need the support.

So shove it up your ass.

[–]Praexology[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Instructions unclear.

Perforated my colon.

[–]Dunlop60Grinding 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Kickass post.

A lot of us are coming to these same realizations around the same time. That's neat.

The real point is to try this shit out and see what works for you. And accept that you're always gonna have ups and downs. Good days and shit days. What matters is that you keep learning and owning yourself and accepting yourself and trying to be a little better than you were before.

I basically took a couple of months off of reading sidebar stuff just so I could get out of my own head for a bit and allow myself to come out. To be open. And it's the best thing I've done here so far.

I think that's what vulnerability really is. It's not just not being afraid to "show emotion" or whatever...it's literally just not being afraid to show yourself. Or being afraid to show yourself but still doing it anyways because a man doesn't hide who or what he is.

[–]sea-teaseUnplugging 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I think that's what vulnerability really is. It's not just not being afraid to "show emotion" or whatever...it's literally just not being afraid to show yourself.

MITW: ...with OI, without neediness, not seeking validation or comfort. In subordination to his honor, values, reason, goals and mission, and only in accordance with his desires, values and mission.

[–]bangalanga 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Here’s a red pill truth for ya. I’m years into this and some days are better than I’ve ever had, but others are worse than ever. Recently the bad is creeping in more. I have to start over. Bad numbers all around for me, too.

[–]ImpatientZenMRP APPROVED / Divorced / Dark Fucking Savage 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy Link

I agree with the thrust of this post. The whole point of this shit is to change who you are by changing what you do. It is awkward at first, and they it becomes internalized. Like learning any new skill.

Then because this stuff generally works, some dudes forget that just because it is on the sidebar or written by some rando on Reddit with a flair, it isn't gospel. You try out things for a while, keep what works and ignore what doesn't.

A few nitpicks.

Red Pill Truth: Texting is for Logistics OnlyTurns out it's horse crap!

I challenge you to find a dude who is sexually succesful in 2022 who actually does this. It's dated advice, at best. STFU at first is good when you say stupid shit and this goes double for texting. When you stop saying stupid shit, not using texts is very counterproductive.

You can't put too much pressure on your identity, or try to change everything all at once, otherwise it will cause you to break frame. (This is what is called going Rambo.)

No. It isn't. Going Rambo is applying the tools haphazardly. You are talking about going full tilt.

Going full tilt is fine for those that have their basic shit together (not fat, succesful, decent social skills etc.). For them the "slow your roll" thing is pretty detrimental. We have good example at dudes just flipping a switch, going full bore and turning everything around in months. Less in recent years exactly because of this confusion of concepts and following shitty recommendations.

[–]Praexology[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

I challenge you to find a dude who is sexually succesful in 2022

I can't tell if you are agreeing with my sentiment or not, but "no texting" is still very much a shared sentiment here. I think I'm the only person who has posted about text game in the last two years.

No. It isn't. Going Rambo is applying the tools haphazardly.

Seems like a needless splitting of hairs. Going Rambo is using the tools (or strategies) before your frame can handle it. If you nuke your nuclear family before you've come to the point of acceptance, and rather just do it because you're butthurt this would be a betrayal of yourself.

Obviously there are a lot of strategies that are good to frontload. Be attractive, dont be unattractive.

Lift and STFU

Don't complain, especially in your relationship.

Etc.

But there are a lot of strategies that trying to experiment with before you have the groundwork laid is social suicide - it's the frame equivalent of going from trying to DL 200lbs to 500lbs raw. You'll just fuck up your back.

[–]ImpatientZenMRP APPROVED / Divorced / Dark Fucking Savage [score hidden]  (0 children) | Copy Link

"no texting" is still very much a shared sentiment here. I think I'm the only person who has posted about text game in the last two years.

Indeed "texting for logistics only" gets parroted every once in a while, and it is usually just a placeholder for "STFU" for dudes who can't stop saying unattractive shit. For dudes exposed to the market, it's a suboptimal strategy to say the least. I'd make the same argument for when in a relationship, though there it might have some use in creating distance with a bitch you otherwise have contact with constantly.

Seems like a needless splitting of hairs. Going Rambo is using the tools (or strategies) before your frame can handle it.

No and no. When we start having our own definitions of the concepts we end up doing exactly what "going Rambo" means - applying the wrong things to the wrong situations.

Lift and STFU

Add "read" and you have the holy trinity indeed. And "going Rambo" - applying wrong tools at the wrong time - can be going into boundary enforcement and trying to command your woman when you're failing on the basics - still a fat slob who can't stop himself getting drunk on the daily, arguing with your woman about the dishwasher, yelling at your kids.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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