That Girl at Work

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September 4, 2019
3 upvotes

Stats: 28yo, 5'8", 143lbs, 14% BF, Wife 31 (married 4 yrs), 3yo son, 1yo daughter
Lifts: Bench 11x105lbs, Squat 6x140lbs, Deadlift 14x165lbs, Overhead Press 8x70lbs

There's a girl at work, 24yo HB8, (just got engaged, even) who pummels me with IOIs every time I see her.

As I've worked my MAP, her IOIs have only increased (as have my wife's, thank the Lord!).

I need to interact with this person multiple times a day for my work.

She hasn't made any advances or crossed any lines.

But I'm often tempted to see what might happen.

I've been reminding myself of Prov. 22:14, "The mouth of forbidden women is a deep pit; he with whom the Lord is angry will fall into it."

Any advice you guys have is much appreciated.


Post Information
Title That Girl at Work
Author CarelessBowler5
Upvotes 3
Comments 27
Date 04 September 2019 06:46 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit askRPC
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/304637
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askRPC/comments/czp02a/that_girl_at_work/
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Red Pill terms found in post:
MAP
Comments

[–]rocknrollchuck6 points7 points  (3 children) | Copy

Resolve in your heart that you are going to be faithful, and ask God to help you. Then turn her into an orbiter - have fun with it, but maintain plausible deniability. u/Rifleshoot's advice of maintaining the Pence Rule is an excellent suggestion as well.

Remember, when you're a man of value there's ALWAYS other women who will want you and try to have you. Accept that they find you attractive and don't worry about it. I've found this chapter from WOTSM to be especially helpful for these situations:


Your Attraction to the Feminine Is Inevitable

If you are like most men, you probably hide the amount of sexual attraction you feel toward women every day. At work, on the street, and in the grocery store, you see women that turn you on. Sometimes you might want to have sex with them. But many times the feeling is more of a wave of refreshment washing through you. Seeing an especially radiant woman can fill your whole day with delight. A woman's exquisite scent can transport you to an enchanted paradise. A woman's smile can melt the moment into sheer beatitude.

There are two ways to deal with your daily "ahhh" of attraction to the feminine: wisely and foolishly. To respond wisely, you must understand why you are attracted to whom. Your sexual essence is always attracted to its energetic reciprocal. Masculine men are attracted to feminine women. Feminine men are attracted to masculine women. Balanced men are attracted to balanced women.

Not just feminine women, but anything with feminine energy, anything which is radiant, alive, enlivening, relaxing, and moving. Feminine energy gets you out of your head and into your body. Music, beer, nature, women, they are all forms of feminine energy.

It is not just a visually gorgeous woman who attracts you. If a woman is free and radiant in her feminine energy, you are probably attracted; sometimes more attracted, sometimes less attracted, but always attracted, at least enough to steal a glance at her form. This attraction is not only natural, but healthy.

Sexual attraction, however, is very different from having sex. There is a big difference between choosing to be intimate with a woman and simply being attracted to her energy and radiance. Intimacy is a choice between people who want to commit to loving and serving one another. Whereas the zing of attraction is a choiceless natural flow of energy between your masculine core and feminine energy, wherever it is found. When a woman is relaxed in her feminine radiance, she is like beautiful music or a warm ocean breeze. You don't need to have sex with her to savor inexpressible joy.

You Will Often Want More Than One Woman

Even if you are totally committed to your intimate partner in love, you probably think about having sex with other women. Even if you are totally fulfilled by the sex you share with your woman, you probably still desire sex with other women. Your desire for other women is not a reflection of any lack in your intimacy, it is a reflection of your nature as a masculine sexual being.

But this desire is not an excuse for promiscuity, any more than your enjoyment of TV is an excuse for becoming an obese couch potato. To live a life of impeccable integrity, you must discriminate the source of your desire, so you know when to discipline your behavior for everyone's benefit, including yours.

How a man deals with his desire for other women is up to him. He should know, however, that there is no way to avoid such desires. He should also know that acting on such desires, though temporarily enlivening and exhilarating, often ends up complicating his life far more than the occasion itself is worth.

[–]CarelessBowler5[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

turn her into an orbiter

I've never had orbiters before. I don't know what to do or how to feel.

I had a super-fit dude tell me, "It's all in your head." I told him, "You've been fit and attractive your whole life. You have no idea what I'm talking about because you've always lived it."

Now I'm in it for the first time.

I've found this chapter from WOTSM to be especially helpful for these situations:

That is helpful. Thank you.

There still isn't sexual intimacy at home for me. Not intercourse anyway. I'm 90% certain that will change in the next week or so, but I don't know.

Honestly, my wife is only like an HB 6 or 7. Getting the attention of (what I perceive as) an HB 8 has been difficult. When I first married, I felt like I 'settled,' and every day at work this gal makes eyes at me in a staff meeting, I'm reminded of it.

As I've said elsewhere: I'm trusting God with my sex life. Mission, mission, mission.

[–]rocknrollchuck2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

I've never had orbiters before. I don't know what to do or how to feel.

Enjoy the fact that they're attracted to you, and let them be. "She likes me because I'm hot, and I enjoy it!" Be friendly but maintain plausible deniability. If they offer to do (non-sexual) things for you, let them unless it would compromise your character in some way.

I had a super-fit dude tell me, "It's all in your head." I told him, "You've been fit and attractive your whole life. You have no idea what I'm talking about because you've always lived it."

He's right: it's not about the attention, it's about how you handle the attention - it's about your response.

There still isn't sexual intimacy at home for me. Not intercourse anyway. I'm 90% certain that will change in the next week or so, but I don't know.

Let the confidence of being desired by another woman help you segue naturally into authentic Game, Kino and foreplay.

Honestly, my wife is only like an HB 6 or 7. Getting the attention of (what I perceive as) an HB 8 has been difficult. When I first married, I felt like I 'settled,' and every day at work this gal makes eyes at me in a staff meeting, I'm reminded of it.

Focus on being your best and inspiring your wife to improve herself. Most women can improve their outward appearance by at least 1 or 2 SMV points if they really put the effort into it. Lead her to it Captain.

As I've said elsewhere: I'm trusting God with my sex life. Mission, mission, mission.

Amen!

[–]Red-Curious1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

turn her into an orbiter - have fun with it, but maintain plausible deniability

This right here is my exact thought on the situation.

[–]Rifleshoot4 points5 points  (6 children) | Copy

Enact the Pence rule. Don’t let yourself be alone with a woman that is not your wife.

[–]Deep_Strength3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

Enact the Pence rule

You backwards thinking misogynist! /s

[–]Red-Curious2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Yeah, but not the Andy Stanley rule. Someone sent a limo to pick him up from the airport once for a conference he was supposed to speak at. It was a woman driver. He sent the driver back to get a new driver, missed his speaking spot and screwed everyone at the conference. He then lauded this story as the "right choice" to make. I look at it as him applying a ridiculous legalistic standard that he created ("rules taught by men") to the detriment of hundreds of others who had gone significantly out of their way and taken time off work to attend this conference to hear him speak. Total disrespect.

The Pence rule is nice as long as it's reasonably applied.

[–]OsmiumZulu1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy

Being abundantly cautious is well advised, but The Pence (originally Billy Graham) Rule is not workable for everyone, especially those who don’t yet have the ability to set the terms of their employment.

[–]Rifleshoot1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

He doesn’t have to be overt about it. Unless he’s a cop and she’s his partner, he can probably find ways to avoid being alone with her.

[–]OsmiumZulu1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

If a man works in Human Resources, any sort of counseling, management where he supervises female employees, or does hiring etc. there is a good chance he will have enough need or demands of confidentiality that following this rule is next to impossible.

[–]CarelessBowler5[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

In my case, being alone in private can be avoided.

When I was still stumbling around MRP, not RPC, I was alone with her in a room. I had her follow me there so we could discuss something.

Yeah, we discussed it, but the sexual tension was insane.

Didn't do anything. Left the space. Both went back to work. But it felt like I uncovered power I didn't know I had. I've always been a gamer/nerd/loser with an extroverted personality. This was different, and my conscience bids me not to do it again.

[–]helaughsinhidden3 points4 points  (7 children) | Copy

Act like you don't see it. A woman at my gym was being like this to me too. Half the reason she is doing it is because you are married and "safe" to be flirty with and can easily say she didn't mean it like that. Don't talk about your marriage and if they do come up, only speak well of your wife. Oh, and don't be alone with her and certainly don't escalate to touching her hands, shoulders, back, or even more intimate places.

[–]OsmiumZulu1 point2 points  (6 children) | Copy

... so avoid any opportunity to create passive dread and provide unlimited sense of security for your wife at all costs. You’re parroting churchian cultural expectations here. Rethink the presuppositions involved.

[–]helaughsinhidden2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

How would isolating, escalating, or using kino with this coworker create passive dread when his wife doesn't work there unless he does it and brags about it? (edit: subtle hints they pick up on as per your other reply).

Sure, but I am not suggesting he stop talking to her or tell her to back off, just to keep from taking the next steps in seduction.

[–]Red-Curious2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Right, no need to invite temptation. Flee from it instead. That said, if OP had not admitted to his susceptibility to temptation here, entertaining a conversation here or there could build abundance by confirming the IOIs. After all, what some guys perceive as IOIs are really nothing and they're just mentally masturbating over a situation. But this only goes for guys who aren't actually tempted to act on anything in the first place.

[–]CarelessBowler5[S] 0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

So, u/OsmiumZulu, what's the alternative?

Passive dread is happening at home, even without my prompting.

A while ago, talking about sex, chatting about how I'm reserving all of it for her instead of secretly using porn and masturbation, I said to my wife, "And if I go too long, I feel like I need to take matters into my own hands... (long pause) wait, do you know what I mean by that?"

Her, "Yeah, you'll sleep with other women!"

What!? "That's not what I mean, and you know it." Changed topic.

[–]OsmiumZulu2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

Women are intuitive and pick up on subtle clues more so that we often realize.

A man who knows he has other options and could get his needs met elsewhere will carry himself more confidently, have greater outcome independence, and will naturally interact with his wife differently. She will notice this and respond to it, even if she isn’t even consciously aware of it.

It is the difference between being a man with options and a man that could have options. The two are not the same.

So, per my other comment: don’t do anything. Enjoy the attention, give yourself a mental pat on the back, and keep moving forward with improving yourself.

If you are on this self improvement journey for the long haul you are going to have to come to terms with how to deal with this. It only increases.

If you can’t enjoy somewhat pretty girls throwing IOIs your way without fearing a loss of self control now, how are you going to manage when you are Chad McRipped and hordes of hot horny women are actively and unsubtly begging you to plow them?

Enjoy. Smile. Move on with life.

[–]rocknrollchuck0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Exactly!

[–]Red-Curious2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

"That's not what I mean, and you know it." Changed topic.

As /u/OsmiumZulu said ... "provide unlimited sense of security for your wife at all costs." Why would you respond like that?

My wife and I were chatting once. She made a similar comment. I reply: "Let's just say I'll keep my eye out for someone on board for a threesome." Years ago, she'd have been down my throat for making such a lewd, "sinful" comment. Now she laughs at it and says, "Wait ... you're not serious, right?" I tell her, We'll figure out if I'm serious when I find the right girl.

Instead of reassuring her through all this, I'm making it clear that I am a highly sexual person, and I deliver the lines with such a confident frame that she assumes I'm joking because our faith would imply so, but she really can't tell for sure.

[–]Red-Curious3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

When you have sufficient abundance, this stuff won't matter. Right now you're probably thinking, "This is awesome! There's another girl in the world who would be all over me!" When you've had 25+ girls act that way toward you within a year (i.e. about one every other week) you stop caring. You don't need the validation. You know you're the prize and your thoughts become: "Geeze, another one? What are these girls so desperate for?"

You see, this is how attractive girls are all the time. They have so many guys eyeing them that it's no longer cool. It's creepy. Unless he's one of the top guys who's ever eye-banged her, and then it's fantastic.

I've lived there at different points in my RP journey. I've also had moments like right now where I'm falling behind and it stops. Gotta get those lifts up, bro. What are you doing putting an 11-rep max on your stats? 1 rep max (ORM) or 5 rep sets - that's what matters. Get your ORM up to 250, minimum. You taking protein shakes yet? Do it. I went 7 years without lifting (i.e. since college) and got my ORM up from 135 to 275 in 6 months with nothing but protein shakes and the SL5x5. You've been hanging around for at least a month. There's no excuses not to be at least 10lbs up on your bench a week for the next 2 months - and I find it hard to believe you started at 65lbs.

I've had enough conversations with you to know you know a good bit of theory. You're developing a frame and learning how to pass tests. Good for you. But your base stats are your lowest hanging fruit. Figure that out in the next 3 months and that's where your biggest improvements will come from. Take a before picture of yourself today, and take a video of yourself benching your ORM. 3 months from now I want you to show both of the before/after sets to someone at your gym (yeah, that means you gotta work on your social game to meet someone at your gym first) to hold you accountable. Go.

[–]OsmiumZulu0 points1 point  (6 children) | Copy

HB8

Novice at best lifts.

Pummels me with IOIs

One or more of these things ain’t true and your perception isn’t correct.

What are these apparent IOI’s that she is throwing at you?

What sort of lifting program or routine are you following? Those “best lifts” rep ranges are all over the place.

[–]CarelessBowler5[S] 0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

your perception isn’t correct.

Maybe. I didn't date at all in HS. Dated a little in College. Never sexually promiscuous until I met my now wife. I don't have a to of experience with the HB scale, except ignoring it.

I'm the head of my department. I wear a tailored suit to work. That plus noticeable increased fitness has hypergamy working for me every day. Colleagues, clients, whatever. I could charm the pants off these people, but I charm them into signing my contracts instead.

your perception isn’t correct.

Breaking eye contact (downward, shy, coy, like my wife does when I've taken her out to a fancy dinner), twirling hair, laughing at "jokes" that aren't really jokes, consistently deferring to me in front of others even though we're from different parts of the organization.

And last week as she was walking away, she looked over her shoulder at me, pulled up her shirt to "scratch an itch on her back" to reveal some nicely fitting yoga pants.

Most women don't do that to me. Or at least they wait until they're not in public.

What sort of lifting program or routine are you following?

5/3/1 for beginners. It's clear some lifts I need to add a lot more weight for my next cycle. When I started, my form was crap. As my form has improved on some of those, my capacity has increased, too, quite easily.

[–]OsmiumZulu1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

It’s possible that your status/style is carrying the day and she is giving IOI’s as a way to get special treatment. I am the head director of multi-department operation and some women who use charm, flirtation, and other low-level manipulations simply as a way of “padding” their work experience and making it easier. The ones that are good at it tend to get away with far more than most would be allowed simply because they make others feel good.

Re: 5/3/1

From what I know of it, it’s a good program. I strongly recommend pushing up the weight aggressively. I’ve found that your form tends to stall and not improve until you get toward the point of being unable to progress until you fix your form deficiencies. Don’t be an idiot and injure yourself though. My bench, deadlift, and OHP form improved dramatically once I hit my first plateau and had to get really critical to improve.

Also- as for the original question: don’t sweat it. Unless you are fearful that you are going to act stupidly and grenade your marriage and career, just enjoy the attention and shrug it off. I’ve worked with a handful of women who have had crushes on me over the years and never had an issue with it. Attraction is not a bad thing and largely cannot he helped. What you do with it is what matters.

[–]Red-Curious0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Those do sound like subtle IOIs, but VERY subtle - questionable, even. More overt IOIs are things like privately winking at you while in a group setting, giving her number without solicitation, touching you while she laughs at one of your jokes, just "happening" to be going the same way you are at the same time, then "randomly" forgetting they need to go back somewhere (because they didn't need to go that way in the first place, but don't want to admit it).

These are the types of things I was seeing regularly a few months ago, before I started the whole moving process, which interfered with my gym time. I'm hoping to be back there in 2 months.

/u/OsmiumZulu has written a lot in this thread - his advice is solid. Follow it.

[–]CarelessBowler5[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Yup. All those.

She and I will be meeting with a client today. Arm-touching expected and laughing at my "jokes." She usually finds something to discuss so she can walk with me back to my office afterward. I have to lay down the, "You'll have to excuse me, I have work to do" before she leaves me alone.

[–]Red-Curious0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

One or more of these things ain’t true and your perception isn’t correct.

That was my EXACT reaction when I read this too. I'm guessing the girl is another HB6 who got inflated in his mind because through mental masturbation he believes she'd be more sexually exciting than his "no intercourse yet" wife, making her feel more attractive than she actually is. I've been through this a number of times, where I see another girl through rosy glasses, and then a month later I see her again and she's just meh.

[–]cdnrpc0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Perceived sexual availability is more attractive then confirmed sexual denials.



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