The title may sound extreme, but adopting this position can literally save your life. It’s well-known that this sub advises against house dates, because they’re low-effort and men will see it as an express way to Sexville. However, what’s not spoken about as much is the physical risk that comes with being in a private space with a man you barely know.

Most men are stronger than the average woman. It wouldn’t take a lot for a man to overpower, rape, and even kill you. You also need to consider things such as:

  1. Untreated mental illness. I’m not saying every person who has a mental illness is violent, but men with an untreated illness can be very dangerous and unpredictable. There’s no way of knowing, early on, if this is the case with a man you’ve just met. He might tell you, but he also might not.

I know someone, let’s call her Tanya, who used to do home visits as part of her job for a bodybuilder who had schizophrenia. This bodybuilder’s schizophrenia could be managed if he was on medication, but if he wasn’t taking his meds, he could be seriously violent and he knew this. Tanya suffered from narcolepsy, so when she was at this man’s house she would fall asleep. The bodybuilder called Tanya’s workplace, panicking, because he had not taken his medication and was feeling the urge to do something violent. Thankfully, Tanya was safe. But she came very close to being a fatality.

  1. Not every person who commits a crime is apprehended. Background checks can provide further insight into a person’s character and past behaviour, but if they’ve never been arrested, nothing will show up. Monsters don’t hide under the bed - they live, work and socialise amongst us. There are prolific rapists and murderers out there who are looking for their next victim. My supervisor found herself locked in the house of a man who killed his girlfriend. She found herself on her own with him and he locked the door and said “now you’re alone with a murderer”.

The examples I’ve given above happened in the context of a working environment, where there are robust risk assessments put into place. In the dating world, there are no policies to protect you so it’s up to you to protect yourself. Do not entertain the idea of being alone with a man you’re dating until you’ve properly vetted him. If you live alone, do not disclose this. Say you live with family. When you do go to his house for the first time (after sufficient vetting), tell a friend his full name and address and arrange for your friend to conduct a welfare call during your visit.

Please be safe out there, ladies.

P.S apologies for weird formatting. I typed this on my phone.