Lingering Feelings

NoonLooney · 2020-11-18T16:38:29+00:00

Meditation practices, yoga, therapy, and the act of dating other people. Hopefully you find a replacement thought.

chateauduchat · 2020-11-18T17:10:50+00:00

Girl I’m in a similar boat. I escaped an abusive relationship a long while ago and I still get pangs of sickness just remembering what happened. Every day is a step in the right direction if you try your best to redirect those thoughts and put them into action. As soon as I start thinking about it, I start busying myself. It also helps to attend therapy of course. It’s a lot of work to rewrite your brain to move past from the trauma of abuse. I follow a lot of blogs about self growth, finding peace, doing art, writing, praying (if you’re into that), taking care of myself, allowing myself a break, and also working hard and setting goals up for the nearby future. And having a wonderful network of friends really helps too 💕

blessedwiththree · 2020-11-18T17:45:59+00:00

The thing that helped me most was learning how to love myself and give myself validation versus deriving it from others. Counseling also helped immensely because I had codependency issues in my emotionally abusive marriage. Part of the reason I was able to remain in my marriage while being abused was due to the trauma bond I had with him and I developed the ability to only see the "good things" he did while dismissing the horrible ones. Sometimes it helps to write a list of what they did to you and you can read it anytime you have thoughts about missing them etc. You can also talk yourself through the feelings. If you catch yourself thinking about wanting them back, set yourself straight with the actual narrative of what happened. It can be any statement that snaps you out of it, for example: "he lied to me, he gaslighted me and he cheated on me, I don't deserve to be with someone who could disrespect and hurt me like that and those behaviors are actions that show he didn't love me". When I do that, it automatically brings me back to the reality. Once you see that you are worth more, you also realize how HORRIBLY you were treated and you begin to only seek out people who value and respect you. I second what the other posters have suggested: meditation/affirmations and self care.

NoonLooney · 2020-11-18T18:20:53+00:00

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theawkwardalli · 2020-11-18T18:41:16+00:00

Honestly, (I hated when people said this to me) it’s just going to take time. I broke up with my emotionally abusive ex two years ago now and I’m so much happier than I’ve been in a long time. There are some days where all I can think about is the emotional abuse: why did he treat me like that if he said he loved me? As time goes on, the pain gets less and less, he stops living in your head as long. Try to stay busy and do things you enjoy. I tried using my frustration as motivation to be “better,” but I found myself doing things out of spite rather than for my own benefit. Hang in there and enjoy your own company :)

Here’s a passage about grief that always helps me during breakups or any other kind of loss. I hope it helps you, too 🤍

Edit: don’t be afraid to lean on your girlfriends (and us) during your healing! Read lots. Invest in yourself 100%! And be a good friend to your girlfriends in return :)

43rdaccount · 2020-11-18T18:47:45+00:00

I don't have much advice, but I just wanted to comment that I'm in the same boat and I feel ya. I ended things at the start of the pandemic and I still struggle with thinking about him even though he's a total LVM. I just try to think of something else when he pops into my head. I think it just takes a really long time. Longer for some than others. The worst part are the dreams because I'm asleep and can't control them. Best of luck to us both that eventually they will fade from our minds! I remind myself I never think of my LVM exes from before him anymore, so he will fade away one day.

hvwthrowaway · 2020-11-18T20:51:33+00:00

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AdmiralRando · 2020-11-18T22:48:33+00:00

For me, the thing that helped was reminding myself of the “last straw”. Whatever it was that made you leave.

When I started trying to argue with that guy inside my head, or wonder whether I had bailed too early (nonsense, of course!) I just remind myself of the tracking device he put in my car or the lies that he created to try and “catch” me doing wrong. Then I remember, “nope! I’m not putting up with that shit any more. Move along.”

And I go back to taking care of my plants. :D

oscine23 · 2020-11-20T00:28:02+00:00

You have to remember that although he may have been a POS, your intentions were always good and YOUR heart was in the right place. So, you loved him authentically and that takes time to get over. Be gentle with yourself, but make sure you see things as they were and don't romanticize it. Keep busy and throw yourself into healing whatever it was that allowed him into ur life and why you let him stay. Beyond that, you just need time.

Title	Lingering Feelings
Author	NoonLooney
Upvotes	79
Comments	18
Date	November 18, 2020 1:32 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/jwftq7/lingering_feelings/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/lingering-feelings.334661 https://theredarchive.com/post/334661

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