This man is no doubt the love of my life. I can’t even imagine another man sparking this kind of attraction in me. In fact, he’s the only person I’ve ever felt truly attracted to. He is my be all end all, my definition of “male”. All I want in this life is to be genuinely, innately, deeply desired by him.

Unfortunately, this isn’t possible as I’m the opposite of his type. He likes his women chubby. Every single one of his ex girlfriends, hookups and crushes have been bigger. And before you think “he must not be able to get thin women”, he literally seeks them out. Trust me when I say he’s sexy as hell and can easily get ANY woman. He just likes the look and feel of a voluptuous girl.

Anyway, I’m not that. I’m just not. Never have been, probably never could be no matter how much I eat. I think he got involved with me as an experiment because he definitely wasn’t all that into my body. I have never been able to cause the deep, instant arousal in him that bigger women have. I’ve never been able to cause a “she’s so sexy” response. It’s made me feel like absolute shit, like I’m not a real woman. Every time I go out and see a chubby girl (especially if she’s the kind of curvy-chubby he likes) I just want to die.

So now I’m in a dilemma. I know that he’s the only man I’ll ever want so “moving on to a guy that actually does like my body” isn’t an option unfortunately. Plus I’d really like to keep my n count low (he’s my 2nd partner). Should I try my hardest to gain weight and look like a woman he’d actually want? I know I’d look pretty good with some weight on me because I have a curvy figure naturally. At the same time though, I know that while I’ll look better to HIM, I won’t look better in general as most people prefer a thinner look. I don't know how smart it would be to lessen my SMV in general.

I’m in a total rut. What should I do?