tonight just there it dawned on me. i’ve not read trp in a long time but fundamentally i still firmly believe a lot of it. especially regards to women and my own life goals etc. but it dawned on me that a lot of my issues and troubles in life come directly from the fact that i am a misogynist. truly and utterly at heart. it is a mistake to say i hate them or ostensibly or visibly insult them. it is more subtle on the surface that in my head. but it is more obvious than the level of subtlety i lie to myself that i portray.

i truly do not respect women. at the core of our interactions is always either complete indifference if not friends or not attractive, or flirtatiousness in the case of attraction, or a sort of deferential relationship with women i deem impossible to attain.

i make little effort with girls. particularly in social situations. i see them as sexual in my head and i do alright for myself. i don’t hate them, or even verbalize outwardly or inwardly why, i just have this distrust for them. i think they are manipulative and quite frankly, dumb. they never seem interested in other things. and if they are, they are exceptional. of course there late always exceptions, but on the whole i just don’t believe they are as truly passionate about things and i guess i respect that in someone. i feel their responses are very predictable and i find myself always immediately judging a dynamic between girls and boys, even in acting scenes. it’s bizarre. it’s jaded me a lot.

my experiences with women are very sexual, rarely turning into emotional for me. when they have in the past i’ve always never shown my true true self for fear of rejection as i have some self identity problems and mental issues. i always present a cocky, slightly depressed, quick witted and very affectionate and masculine kinda dude. i am to an extent and i get great pleasure out of relationships and particularly in one or two i’ve gotten extremely close but that always ended on their terms once i became weak for them. i would turn softer. and forgive them. or make allowances for things. and it snowballed. into a cumulative mess.

those ends spurred my hatred for a while each time too. but i would always bounce back to a less misogynistic version as time went on and i never had issues getting a new girlfriend or having girls on the side.

i guess one crucial part of it all was when i became redpilled and quite contrary and flirty and aggressive and all that crap it teaches you, it shifted my identity so much i felt alone in my own world. but what actually, and perhaps it’s not true or a wrongful justification, changed my respect levels and my general opinion on girls was that it actually bloody worked. being bad gave good responses, almost unilaterally. the worse i got, to an extent, led to more aggressive sex, more frequency of sex, more heated and impassioned relationships and more devotion. and i was super devoted too. but i’d be aggressive and hurtful at times. i’d lie and i’d be super protective and masculine and treat them like they’re mine. i’d shout sometimes and act like a proper asshole. but a lot of the time i was super the opposite. it wasn’t exactly preplanned these outbursts and behaviors. more, habitual after a while. the outbursts became legitimate. and the sex always improved.

i also never feel as if girls are cleverer than me. as a junior doctor with a big ego (i fucking hate myself) i assume i’m always more intelligent and never feel intimidated by them. i know that is disgusting to say but in doing this i want to be completely honest so as that my core beliefs can be challenged.

ask me anything below if you like.