First and foremost, thank you to the goddesses of this community for everything you have taught and continue to teach me.

TLDR: Always block and delete and always believe actions, not words.

Story time of FDS principles I need to reinforce:

I have scoured the pages of FDS since getting out of an abusive relationship with a narcissist.

I thought I was finally immune from the audacity of scrotes. That is, until a different ex came back around. On Christmas of all days.

I am currently in grad school, and this ex appeared on Christmas, first adding me on Instagram and messaging me to ask if I would come over for the holiday. I didn’t add him back and I left him on “seen,” when he proceeded to video chat me FIVE times. Again, I ignored him.

FDS Lesson: I should have blocked and deleted

He then FaceTimed me twice. Again, I ignored him.

FDS Lesson: I should have blocked and deleted

He then texted me, begging me to give him another chance, to which I said that I am only looking for something serious with the right person. Shame on me, as he pulled me in with sweet nothings, promising me that he was ready to commit this time (after two years of being unwilling to do so while talking about having children with me).

I told him that in order for me to even think about being with him, he needs to prove that he’s changed. I laid out my requests, including him going to therapy, deleting his dating apps, and deleting contacts/unfollowing on social media the women he had hooked up with, gone on dates with, or connected with through dating apps. I told him sex will not be on the table until exclusivity. He eagerly agreed.

FDS Lesson: If you have to ask, it’s not worth it. A HVM will do those things without being asked.

That following Monday, he offered to make dinner. I set my boundaries and told him that I wouldn’t have sex with him or be physically intimate in any way. He again agreed. We had dinner and spoke about why it was that he felt ready to be in a relationship after all this time. We weren’t physically intimate in any way, and I left that night.

The next evening, he took me out to a very nice and expensive restaurant. He asked what I wanted from the relationship, and I asked him the same. He reassured me that he wanted to be the one to raise a family with me, including being the one to continue his job AND raise the kids while I put in more time in my soon-to-blooming corporate career. He even dropped the L bomb at one point during dinner.

FDS Lesson: Beware the love bomber

I made a promise to myself that I would not spend any holiday with a man I am not in a relationship with, so I spent NYE with my family (I’ve been back home for over a month at this point).

We had planned to spend time baking together the day after the New Year. Before I went over, I asked if he had done what he promised to do. He reassured me that he had contacted therapists and he was awaiting responses. I asked about my other requests, to which he put up some resistance. I explained to him that it’s a matter of respect for me and he finally agreed.

FDS Lesson: You should never have to ask twice. That’s begging.

I got to his place and he reassured me that he had done what I had asked and he made sure to do so because he had a feeling I would check. I trusted him.

The next day, we order pizza, and he’s looking for his phone because the pizza delivery guy texts when the order has been dropped off. I call his phone and I find it. I notice a text from a girl with the abbreviation “ - T” next to it to denote it’s a woman from Tinder. He responds to her saying he now has a girlfriend and she responds back, “Wtf?!”

I ask him why he didn’t follow through with what I had asked, and he said it’s an immature request from me and that this was a nice girl and he’s keeping their contacts in case we break up 6 months from now.

FDS Lesson: If you’re not his priority, he isn’t the one.

I tell him I won’t accept that disrespect and he finally hands me his phone to let me block and delete the contacts. Meanwhile, he throws a fit every few names because he’s “friends” with these OLD women. So, I leave.

The next morning, I look at his Instagram, and while I still haven’t added him at this point, realize he still has the same women from OLD on there. I call him out for lying to me about having followed through with his promises.

He proceeds to tell me he’s sorry that he ever tried to make this work again and then blocks my phone number.

FDS Lesson: Believe actions, not words.

I was honestly devastated at the “loss” of him, and his behavior making a 180 and the utter disrespect he showed. Mostly, I was disappointed at my own actions for allowing him another chance.

But I realized, I’m not perfect, and FDS is a lifelong strategy that I will continuously have to learn and apply.

That I was able to set those boundaries and not accept less means that I HAVE learned something.