Not in the sense of being submissive.

I love being

  • Compassionate
  • Caring
  • Loving
  • Kind
  • Having female friends (I talk about the same things with them, interesting philosophical debates. Rarely any relationship talk. I do have few female friends, but I love and care about them as much as I do my male peers)
  • Cuddling with a girl

I honestly don't think that these feelings come from "feminine upbringing". As long as i've been alive I've enjoyed being calm and kind.

I love when people are equal in a group. I've been both the popular, leader guy and the "submissive" nerd. Every time I'm the leader I genuinely enjoy when EVERYONE feels good. Of course I put my own well-being first, but that's just obvious - How can anyone else be happy if i'm not?

Every time a leader appears in a group, I either try to even out the playing field or leave the group If others don't agree.

I also love:

  • Being in the center of attention IF also everybody else is happy
  • Being genuinely joyful and energetic
  • Fooling around, being a clown, doing whatever I want to do even when it seems foolish and "feminine".
  • Flirting, fooling around with girls WITHOUT the intention of sex.

Thing's that I hate:

  • Being overly agressive.
  • Starting fights
  • Casual sex - It just makes me feel like shit after.
  • Flirting or fucking girls that are in a LTR - again, it just doesn't feel good. It makes me feel like shit because of the boyfriend, not because of the girl. I KNOW that "if it's not you, it's someone else", but that doesn't make it feel any better. Every time even a girls WANTS to fuck me when she's in a relationship, I feel disgusted. "cuddling" with girls feels much better that fucking, as in the oxytocin part is way, way stronger and feels better than the dopamine part to me. I hate rough sex and "choking", being overly dominant etc. It just doesn't feel good.

Questions:

  • How do I become more sex positive?
  • How do I make it so that dopamine feels better that oxytocin?
  • How do I come to terms with the fact that girls function the other way around (as in I literally like the cuddling part more than the fucking part)

Contrary to popular belief, I'm not in the anger phase because I've bee lied to by the "feminine imperative our whole life!!", I'm in the depressive phase since people in general seem to function differently than I do. I've literally never felt the feeling of just wanting to "fuck her brains out!!". I've checked my T levels, they are completely fine.