Struggling with sexuality.

Psychocist · 2017-06-27T17:16:25+00:00

Ok, quite a lot to unwrap here.

First of all, though I suppose some arousal can be conditioned, it would be difficult to argue that your sexual arousal has been conditioned into you by being raised by females. The feminine matrix IS our reality until we unplug, and yet there are plenty of hetero men.

It is an interesting point of discussion, though, and I'd love to hear other thoughts on this from the more seasoned.

Before we get to that, though..

I was bullied by like 4 jock "alphas" who's respect I had before middle school (when I started acting weird as shit.) Some of the shit they did really fucking hurt me. On top of this, my already semi-passive father seemed to distant himself even further from me, never taking the initiative to do any bonding work with me whatsoever. ..

This still manifests in my unconscious emotional/thought pattern even today.

You have a great sense of self-awareness, so be thankful for that. I was bullied too at school and found that I subconsciously bullied myself for a good 10 years after I left. Be watchful of how you treat yourself. The relationship you have with yourself is THE most important relationship you will ever have. Once you begin to like, love and accept yourself, you will no longer put any importance in other people's opinions or behaviour towards you. It is all trivial when you know who the fuck you are and are happy with it.

My house was, and is, still dominated by my mother and little sister.

Do what you can to leave. Find a house share, earn more money, go live with friends if possible, whatever. Of course, you can use this opportunity (lack of rent?) to focus on building skills to later escape the clutches of this nest, but have a think about the possibility of moving out and moving on.

But when it comes to sexual urges, I find that gay thoughts turn me on much more.

Welcome to the headfuck that is TRP on gay-mode. I'm the same. Never been with a guy, but I'm definitely about 20% gay. What's funny is that I can behave completely feminine and submissive with a guy and yet be completely masculine with a woman.. and yet relate to men as a man on a platonic level. I might take their dick, but I'm not taking their shit. It's strange to be able to quickly switch between those modes, but it makes for a very interesting life.

This fantasy probably turns you on much more because it is such an unknown.

You will also have quite a unique perspective of attractiveness because you will, with a little attention, be able to pinpoint exactly what is attracting you to men.. and it will be everything that is preached here. You are effectively in the heads (on a tingles level, at least) of both genders.

What I've personally found is that I'm not at all attracted to guys who are around my level of dominance. I am only attracted to guys who are less dominant if they are also physically weaker/feminine, but it's more of a crush. The raw sexual arousal comes from guys who are far above my SMV in looks, dominance, status. Hell, I might even be able to feel some hypergamy in there somewhere.

Another interesting point is how I am not physically that attracted to guys. I rarely check guys out, and yet I mentally undress every cute chick I see. This, I think, is a part of how the masculine is not primarily attractive through physicality, but behaviour. I'm more attracted to powerful, slow voices.

This is a valuable place to be when it comes to understanding women, so don't ignore the lessons.

I don't want to be like this. I want to connect and feel comfortable around other men again

Fuck that. You ARE like this. Go get some dick. Go get some pussy. First step is to completely accept yourself and your feelings, your fantasies, everything. If you're a perverted fuck in your head, go and BE one.

Sadly, there is a stigma around [bi/homo]sexuality. I've seen a couple of people be alienated from my friend's circle because they were discovered to be gay. Once that bomb drops, everybody thinks you're out to fuck every man you see. There are also a lot of latent homosexuals and curious people who are extremely uncomfortable around openly gay people because it's dangerous territory.

You don't have to broadcast your sexuality, but you DO have to explore it. In 100 years you and everyone you know will be dead and forgotten. Who gives a flying fuck who is fucking who? Enjoy yourself. Shit, be happy man! These heteros have no idea the pleasures that lie beyond. From what I have experienced, I've had orgasms 10x more powerful than any sex with a woman.

But, as I touched on, being bisexual will come with an additional set of challenges. Stay in tune with your arousal and explore your feminine side (sexually), but understand that when it comes to women, you still have to maintain a strong masculine frame. Work on developing that, work on developing your confidence and go get some experience.

Fuck everyone else. This is your life. Go enjoy it.

GayLubeOil · 2017-06-27T17:46:10+00:00

Well it looks like everyone here is having a lot of fun playing amateur Sex Therapist, so I guess I'll jump in here and offer my perspective.

If Sigmund Frued was here he would say that getting bullied by hawt alpha chads created a kind of arousal. You then repressed this arousal but after some time it floated up any way so now you have an urge to get your asshole bullied.

This raises the question are you gay or are you dealing with your bullying by sexualizing it, so that you have control over it. A lot of rape victims do this by becoming hypersexual as a means of retroactively reframing the situation.

If you are gay I guess you should go ride a bunch of baloney ponies. However if you are not guy and dealing with traumatic experiences by sexualizing them it's probably not a good idea to add fuel to the flaming fire, by putting dicks in your ass.

confused343 · 2017-06-27T17:33:28+00:00

I have a really similar experience to this. Bullied in high school, not necessarily a distant father, but a very passive aggressive, "nice guy" dad. Through high school and college I developed a huge kink for feminization, and submissiveness.

These are a few things that helped me:

Talking with a sex positive therapist - this really helped me accept facets of my sexuality without so much judgement. Ironically this lessened the intensity of my kinks because once I accepted them they weren't sexy because of how taboo they are.
Going to a BDSM munch - Being able to talk openly about my kinks and have people react in a calm curious manner instead of being shocked was huge for me. This also enabled me to meet other people that were very comfortable with their sexuality.
Experimenting with some guys - This is why I'll likely be downvoted to oblivion but here it goes... I had a few very discreet male partners (went to another city). I had a lot of fun in a distinctly different way than with female partners. I realized that I'm not gay, but I'm also not entirely straight. Despite the weird reaction this might get on this sub, I had a lot of fun, and got off.

Anyways, I hope something I wrote might help you a bit. I'm going to try and do a full post on this soon.

hbPUA · 2017-06-27T18:08:56+00:00

I'm not familiar with that kind of history. But what I do know, is that porn fucks people up. I've seen it with myself, friends, and people on the internet.

So, if you are still watching porn - quit. And give it 90, 900 or 9000 days to heal your brain patterns. And make sure to read, write, visualize, take action on all the beliefs you want to have.

Because it's impossible to erase addictions. Yet you can replace them with new thoughts and actions. Eventually they will change. "What wires together, fires together", is a quote from a study where they taped a monkeys fingers together, and eventually the brain recognized all fingers as one.

About alpha and beta. You may not become the #1 alpha in your entire city. But you can become the #1 alpha in your social circle with deliberate change in your actions and thoughts. Or be #5 alpha with a group of great friends.

THEDICKDEALER · 2017-06-27T21:18:51+00:00

P.I.G.S=Porn Induced Gay Syndrome

[deleted] · 2017-06-27T20:28:58+00:00

Go fuck things, if you go back for seconds, then it's your thing.

Why in gods name would you ask randos on the internet to sort this out?

HappyScribe · 2017-06-27T20:13:01+00:00

You talk about compulsive porn and masturbation - you might want to research Homosexual Obsessive Compulsive Disorder HOCD.

TheodoreRPelite · 2017-06-27T20:20:51+00:00

Hello, might be able to help.

You could be more in touch with your emotions which is a feminine trait, but also one of the few advantages a woman biologically has over men. This is a skill that you probably enjoy developing as it leads to greater self awareness and reading other people. The problem with it though is that you also develop the mirror neurons of the emotion a woman has when she is turned on by a guy. For men, if you feel this emotion, you'll feel the sensation in your ass, idk what it's called but basically there is a sex organ or whatever in your ass that can be associated with pleasure or satisfaction. As I ally you might have trained your ass to react to what you think is an attractive guy or who you think women should be attracted to. This obviously won't mix well with your natural desire(whether you think it's there or not, could be suppressed) to reproduce because when you talk to dudes you're both jocking subconsciously for social hierarchy and getting pleasure from his presence. This obviously is not ideal and can be fixed by doing a couple things.

1) I noticed this in myself from watching too much porn and being depressed over an elongated period of time, and have been successfully fixing it by FIXING YOUR POSTURE. Specifically, in your hips, but I recommend rolling your shoulders back as well. By pushing your hips forward, and squeezing your butt cheeks, your masculine energy will pool in your dick/balls instead of your ass. Then your brain will re-associate pleasure/satisfaction to achievements or eating McDonald's or whatever, all better than being satisfied by being shamed and feeling gay against your will. ^I think I put my words down well, but I am frequently wrong, feel free for me to expand if needed.

2) stop watching porn IMMEDIATELY. If you start to crave porn, admit that you are an addict and feeling addictive tendencies. "Just one last time" won't cut it, because you're craving to feel shitty and you certainly will afterwards. Develop orgasming up your spine while having your butt clenched, to orgasm from your balls instead of your ass.

3) Clear your mind! Practice not thinking about anything, like completely having an empty head. Like don't even think about not thinking. You'll start to have clairvoyant experiences and will further develop your self awareness and ability to read other people. This is how one masters their emotions. Along with this, there will be moments when you will want to masturbate and develop creativity when you master bate. Think of a hot girl you met, imagine a story line where you fuck, anything, just don't look at pictures or porn. You can if you want to and progress will only be slower because of it.

4) Suck a ton of dick until you drown in dick and die. Just kidding :p

Thank you for sharing your difficulties, hopefully your next post will be advice you can pass on. ✌🏼

Prophets_Prey · 2017-06-27T23:38:57+00:00

Compulsive porn use dampens the dopamine receptors and consequently more riskier stimulus is needed to spike them again.

[deleted] · 2017-06-27T16:57:20+00:00

A theory i had about a small portion of the gay community was, that some had daddy issues.

I know a couple of gay guys, who's fathers were complete opposite. One was a hard working but gentle man, just wanted an easy life but wasn't much of a presence in his son's life.

The other father was a borderline sociopath, in and out of prison etc and his son was left with his mother and two younger sisters and turned gay

And it's fairly common to hear a gay man say how much he hates his father so MAYBE, that's the issue. Mature a bit, try and bond with your dad, see if that helps.. before you go looking for a father figure in another man and he plants a 9 inch up your arse :L

NeoreactionSafe · 2017-06-27T18:28:24+00:00

The default program

What you need to do is realize the Blue Pill mythology is the default program.

In other words everyone is being feminized.

It's on television, it's celebrated in colleges and in parades.

Realize this is mental abuse.

Make a dedicated effort to care what the Truth is about.

Sounds like you have just "gone with the flow".

The Red Pill is a "wake up" experience where you become masculine and start to think in terms of objective reality.

The Blue Pill is subjective and emotional... they teach you to become an addict towards "happy feelz".

They want you hooked on "gay feelz".

Deny them their Game upon your subconscious mind.

Realize how criminal this distortion is working against you.

"Kill the Beta" and become free of the Blue Pill mythology.

sc1690 · 2017-06-28T02:29:43+00:00

Nothing wrong with being 'gay', but I get the sense you are unsure yourself of what you like. My advice? As long as it's consensual and legal, try before you buy. Def not my thing but the world is a big weird place, you would not exactly be abnormal in it!

[deleted] · 2017-06-28T04:26:31+00:00

Hi a transgirl here . I have always indentified as a girl .people see me as a girl . I sound look and feel like a girl . I like men. And masculinity. However. And have great respect for men. I don't embrace my masculi ty because I never felt masculine . Society never feminized me I was always feminine . It's me . It that wrong. I love and respect men and know that women can be horrible and that I'm horrible and manipultive and status seeking too . I don't want to be a man. I feel like being a guy takes a certain something that woman can not possess. I feel like I betrayed masculinity . But I was never apart of it . Can one respect men with out being a man . I love my boyfriend so much he is assertive and I listen to him and respect him .

chaseemall · 2017-06-28T05:36:48+00:00

How long have you been off the pornography?

Pornography teaches your brain to identify with the feminine, combine that with sexualizing your bullying, your desire for your male figure to be a bigger part of your life and more, and you've got a stew cooking.

It's rarely just one thing.

n_surf · 2017-06-28T12:48:33+00:00

If you want to get into weird terms, you might be bisexual heteroromantic, meaning you're bisexual because you like men, and heteroromantic because you can only find yourself in a relationship with women.

Or, you're just you. Do whatever feels right. Fuck boys, date girls, who cares. You don't owe anybody any explanation. Just dont limit yourself because you don't want to date boys or something. Be open minded and don't fear. Good luck.

stoicsoul87 · 2017-06-27T21:33:43+00:00

I'm no expert on this matter but here are some suggestions from the top of my head.

Find a girl who will fuck you in the ass with a strapon. They tend to do that metaphorically speaking anyway. You're obviously gonna lose your alpha status with her if any.
Date a tranny with a functioning dick.
Be an alpha with a hetero chick and get fucked by points 1 or 2 discreetly on the side.

LiftYouFools · 2017-06-27T23:42:43+00:00

The thoughts and urges you are having are not "You".

Identifying with them will only strenghten the belief that "you" are "gay". Labeling yourself like that may further the thoughts down that path.

I suggest you read up on "Not self" from Theravada Buddhism and apply it by practicing mindfulness meditation.

I suggest you also try Nofap. I used to have a small number of intrusive gay thoughts, went on a 100 day streak and they dissapeared during the start of it. I relapsed after that but I can't stop doing it, the benefits to confidence, anxiety approaching girls and raw physical strength in the gym are too much to give up for a small amount of pleasure.

Maybe im reaching here or im spot on but part of the urges and thoughts can be comming from a chemical/hormonal/dopamine imbalance and doing nofap will help with that.

I also suggest you don't act on these urges before you try the advice I gave you. Doing something prematurely may lead to you regreting it in the future.

sc1690 · 2017-06-28T02:48:03+00:00

Once again I'm blown away by how fucking cool the men on TRP are.

I feel no attraction to men, and indeed turned down to fuck a girl I really wanted to fuck because I'd be on the other end of a two man saw.

The only thing that says about me is I'm straight. That's it. Nothing more. The degree to which I am morally superior to any gay man is exactly the degree to which I honor my word and work hard. It has zero to do with who I prefer to fuck.

I have a life long friend, 25+ years and counting, I love more than anyone in my family save Dad and one cousin (that said I have a tiny family and no kids). Having such a strong friendship has been deeply satisfying for both of us.

I guess what I'm rambling towards is that there is a level of friendship that is below sexual attraction but still taboo.....I'd trust him with life and death decisions before anyone else. I shouldn't have to say "no homo," which is usually a joke, but has a kernel of underlying discomfort.

I had a coworker in the past who was part of the Colorado Gay Rodeo Association who despised what he called "twinks" i.e. effeminate gay men. He really opened my eyes to the fact that not is all as it appears.

All of this said, I'm the spawn of a first wave lesbian feminist man hating junkie cunt. Less than a day after my birth, they ripped out her reproductive tract. Supposedly California stopped sterilizing the children of undesirables by the early 70's, but I've dropped it on the money many dozens of times with no pregnancies. My point is that if anyone has ever been incentivized to be gay as a child, it was me. Turns out I'm straight as a board.....although I still needed to Kill the Beta^TM .

michael_wilkins · 2017-06-28T02:49:38+00:00

It's like a cross between /b/ and /r9k/ come to life.

LordThunderbolt · 2017-06-28T22:35:18+00:00

Yet you still don't even fucking lift.

Weak.

human_bean_ · 2017-06-28T23:05:57+00:00

I think there's some connection between male domination hierarchies and sexuality. It's not mere coincidence that our close relatives chimps solve their differences with ultra-violence and bonobos with fucking each other.

Your bullying experiences might have triggered some changes in your sexuality.

I'm only personally interested in submissive males. I don't know why. It might have to do something with a bonobo style domination strategy, or wanting to a deeper bond with other men, or maybe it's just faulty wiring.

There's a lot of work done with this, but in the current political climate you are only allowed one narrative, which is unfortunate. The subject is interesting and I'm sure there's more to it than just being gay and proud. I think it has deep roots in evolutionary development of our species.

If you asked me if I wanted to erase my not-so-latent homosexual tendencies, I would probably decline, because even if I like women a lot, men just offer something different. Even if I loved strawberries, didn't mean I would want to ever eat only strawberries.

To each it's a different thing. Just my 2 cents.

WhispersWithWofl · 2017-06-28T09:20:02+00:00

All of you: Please turn gay so women won't have the misfortune of fucking you.

Thanks.

Im_A_Marvel · 2017-06-28T23:18:57+00:00

Uhhh..... Im no therapist but Ive had a fucked up childhood. Bullying and getting beat up was kinda regular for a while. I do believe that if you get aroused by men than you are gay. They say 1/7 men are gay. I wouldnt doubt for one second that those "alphas" who bullied you are also gay. Be safe AIDS is real and it is a gay/anal sex disease.

Adamwesssssst · Tue Jun 27 16:58:55 2017 UTC

You're born gay. You don't choose it

RonieGarret · 2017-06-27T21:12:30+00:00

I didn't had sexuality shift, but some lighter version of it - sexuality doubt. (I think there were few main factors to it: my older, dominating sister who dressed me like a girl, later on she were also messing with my dick when we were alone (I was 6 or 8 y.o.), and death of my father when I was teenager. )

and I don't want to be like this

That was my thought too: "I want to be hetero". And you guess what? I am. I didn't allow these thought to steer my life. (Recently there were submission about "you are not your thoughts".) In my case that sexuality doubt was some kind of coping mechanism with being constantly rejected by girls. Now I don't care, so I don't have to cope. :)

Fix your nutrition, take care of your guts(literally), and take your dad to gym and you both start lifting together.

An_Ignorant · 2017-06-27T17:07:33+00:00

It's normal to feel like that. There are plenty of feminine men, it doesn't mean that you should become female unless you really think you don't want male hormones.

Being feminine doesn't mean you're not a man, your personality traits don't define your sex or gender.

You can't force yourself to be less feminine, not everyone is born to be "alpha".

Explore your true personality, have one homosexual relationship just to test the waters, see what makes you happy and pushes you forward, be honest with yourself.

Transexuality is a whole other issue, being feminine doesn't mean wanting to be of the opposite sex, but whether you need to be male or transgender, be the best you can be.

Lift, work, have a routine, study, think, be productive. That's what makes you valuable, not your sexual tendencies or gender identification.

dentalplan4lisa · 2017-06-27T16:59:00+00:00

No point trying to fake masculinity. The Western Male just doesn't seem capable of it anymore. You could always take hormones, find girls for friends and become trans or something. Some types of men just aren't cut out to be men.

Title	Struggling with sexuality.
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	62
Comments	63
Date	June 27, 2017 4:44 PM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/TheRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/6jtxtm/struggling_with_sexuality/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/TheRedPill/struggling-with-sexuality.44319 https://theredarchive.com/post/44319

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