I had just came back from another country when I met my now ex-girlfriend, 3 years ago. We immediately connected, talked about very interesting things, and even had a very obscure album as our favorite.

We started seeing each other regularly to talk and have some beers. Eventually, she held my hand while we were walking on the street. It felt so good. I haven't had a girlfriend for maybe 10 years, and It felt amazing to feel this love and connection with someone. I grabbed her and kissed her right there.

We had very deep conversations, she opened up to me with very serious stuff which I felt amazing how she trusted me so much with that,.

Just a brief note here: I was actively searching for love, for a relationship, for a nice girl that I could trust and maybe live the rest of my life with. But I also had postponed my plans in life ust to be with this girl, just so we could do what we both wanted together and support each other in our lives.

Eventually, after one year, we started renting a house together. So we lived together for 2 years, with our ups and downs, but throughout these years, everytime this girl didn't care about me the way I did.

Examples:

  • She wouldn't leave me a bit of food for when I got home. (That I cooked)

  • She makes plans with me, and then unschedules it.

  • Almost everytime I go somewhere, I invite her. The opposite didn't apply. When I confront her with that, she tells me she also needs to do things alone (these things alone, sometimes were meeting people on the street and having beers with them, who knows what else at this point)

  • One time she met a guy on a train, got his number, and went to have a coffee with him, just because this guy recognized the music she was listening on his headphones. She then got mad at me for being mad, and accused me of going against her freedom to meet people, specially because she only basically gets along with guys, not girls. I should trust her. She loved me.

  • I logged into her phone, saw she kept messaging with this guy. I got caught doing it, felt very bad, apologized.

On our 3rd year, we were going through a bit of a rough patch. I worked in the morning, and she worked in the evening. So we were barely together at this point. When I got home, she was leaving. When I went to bed, she was coming home.

After a while, she came to me with a very serious conversation of opening our relationship.

I shit you not, these was her reason: To improve OUR relationship.

Now, I debated that reasoning, I'm an open minded guy, or try to be, and said it made no sense to open our relationship to improve ours. It made sense to explore our sexuality, but we needed full respect for one other. And that we should try to first restore our good energy and communication before we put other people in our lives.

I agreed to do it with the following condition that we always told each other when it happened, and obviously wore a condom. And that in the beginning we should start by just incorporating one person for a ménage for example, before we started fucking other people alone.

She had ZERO respect for this. She kept pushing me, saying she needs to fuck other people, with no respect at all for me and for my needs.

I started getting super angry and envious that my girl was talking with other dudes on tinder. Eventually adding them on facebook. She would go to work, and would be constantly online, and I know she can't have her phone with her where she works. I logged in to her facebook messenger and this guy was sending her dick pics, she was sending her pussy, and they were both masturbating online. And they were trying to meet up.

Eventually, I fucked a girl, she fucked a guy, I felt fucking terrible about the whole situation and wanted to stop with it for now, because as WE BOTH (I thought) can see, this is not improving our relationship at all, it's destroying us, it's creating resentment, envy.

Man, I loved this girl so fucking much, that I agreed that she could enjoy herself with other dudes. That's how fucking blind I was. To be fair, I also didn't mind exploring myself, but I never wanted to this in the first place.

We decided for a break in the open part of the relationship.

What happens in one week: She fucks two dudes. One of these dudes was the first one of the dick pick, who came from who knows where in a fucking train, buys a hotel room, and fucks my girlfriend, and she sucked his dick. All this without a fucking condom.

Then she tells me she never agreed to stop, and she needed to do it. Despite EVERYTHING, despite having my heart completely fucking destroyed, despite having gone through the most intense, sad, revolting days of life, despite having cried like I never had before in my life, despite having almost a mental breakdown, being unable to sleep, I found it in my unconditional love to try to understand her position, be open minded, and continue with our relationship.

Throughout all this, I kept being attacked of not respecting her privacy or her freedom. I was a stone that was keeping her from being free. Despite all I did for our relationship, and for her, this is her vision of me.

Cue one month later, I got home, and she had simply moved out. Cleared out all her shit from hour house, and moved away, while I was travelling.

Completely insane. This girl, was the person that at some point I most respected, trusted and loved in my whole life. And from her words, I was too. One week before she moved away, she told me she wanted to make things better again, she would dedicated 100% of her to our relationship.

I'm still very hurt. But have moved on. You know what's funny, is that I discovered MGTOW before this happened, and at some point I almost unsubscribed, because I didn't want to believe it, or have my mind inundated with anti-women posts. I wanted to respect my girl and trust her. I'm glad I kept the sub, because it has really helped me to heal a lot faster!

PS: someone has linked this on a previous post, I thought I'd retribute the favor to others who haven't read it yet. this link really opened my mind to how women love (or don't) :

https://therationalmale.com/2012/09/10/men-in-love/