My LTR of 6 months has a male "best" friend. She hasn't told him about me. They text daily . She has commented that he used to be "obsessed" with her. She has announced that she is meeting him for a walk tomorrow . Immediate hard next ?

ay-fuh-q · 2020-05-18T02:51:04+00:00

My LTR of 6 months has a male "best" friend. She hasn't told him about me.

They either used to fuck, or he's such an orbiter, she can't let him know about you, lest he stop with the attention.

They text daily . She has commented that he used to be "obsessed" with her.

More than likely, they used to fuck.

She has announced that she is meeting him for a walk tomorrow . Immediate hard next ?

More than likely, they still fuck.

I haven't bothered setting a boundary or interfering with this this situation.

It's one thing to play it off, but she's going out on dates with him and you're pretending YOU are holding frame by allowing it.

She has a posse of blue pill female friends who will be straight on the "he's possessive /controlling " bandwagon if I try and comment on this "friendship" . Time to move on ?

EVERY TIME a girl calls you controlling..... it's a control tactic. Surprise surprise! She controls you by getting you to behave, back off, and not investigate her nonsense. When someone calls you controlling, they're cheating.

"Are you calling me a liar?" is said by every liar. Just remember that! ;)

jonboi211 · 2020-05-18T01:29:11+00:00

I'd personally demote. Because so many women who I've flinged with keep in secret communication with me throughout their relationships.

acoltismypassport · 2020-05-18T01:19:24+00:00

Guaranteed they have fucked/done shit before. Best case scenario? He's a terminal orbiter who hasn't banged her, and she keeps him around for nuclear level validation.

HARD next. This guy will be around a lot longer than you.

alphaonthecomeup · 2020-05-18T03:21:11+00:00

If the “male best friend” was there before you, then she obviously won’t let go of him, they have history (doesn’t have to be sex, maybe it is sex, it doesn’t really matter.)

Listen, when it comes to this specific situation you don’t need to hard next or demote unless YOU are genuinely bothered by it. They are going on a walk where she will talk and complain and get free attention from him. A walk doesn’t have to mean sex.

You do what you do. Work, lift, eat, chill with the boys, whatever you want. Just do not contact her while she is out and do not contact her after, let her contact you.

Now is not the time to be fearful or anything, You’ve done good not being “controlling”. Just don’t care, you not caring is going to make her panties wet. Mate guarding is a fat L. It shows insecurity.

If she wanted to be with this friend she would be with him and not you. Just let her do her thing. And who knows maybe you can be out on a walk with a girl as well in a week or two.

If you want to keep her , just play it cool. She just wants attention. She isn’t sleeping with him. Don’t be nuclear or a hardo.

If you are insecure and it is actually messing with your mental health than okay , hard next cause not everyone can handle orbiters or has time for that nonsense.

Me and my girl broke up because I couldn’t handle orbiters, shit made my skin crawl. I wish I had just calmed down, but so it goes.

Don’t do anything you’ll regret. Good luck.

Musicgoon · 2020-05-18T05:51:17+00:00

Let's see, she doesn't brag about you to everyone she knows. She doesn't worry about offending you or overstepping your boundaries. She freely gives her time and emotional energy to another guy.

Sounds like she doesn't see you as a valuable enough asset. She's not afraid to lose or offend you.

Learn to set up boundaries early. You need to think about demoting or nexting her. She doesn't see your value. I hate to deliver that so blunt. Its a hard truth.

Guarnerre1995 · 2020-05-18T08:23:14+00:00

No respect, hard next.

Its that simple.

IXseed · 2020-05-18T11:33:16+00:00

I'd next this one.

If you're in an LTR and she doesn't tell EVERYONE about you, ESPECIALLY a very good male friend, there's a reason why. Regardless of the reason, it doesn't matter. She should be parading your face on her damn car just so you don't get the idea that she's trying to get other dick. She doesn't care if you think that, and that's bad.

2020-05-18T12:39:23+00:00

Brooooooo.

you fucked up.

hard next obviously cos you're too emotionally attatched to demote without essentially torturing yourself by having her around.

next time you tell your girl you either drop the Male friends or you drop her.

if I'm her man what does she need other men for.

and if like you said she's had this Male best friend for 8 years and would never drop him, that's enough of a red flag that you should never have LTR'd anyway.

in essence your LTR is allowed to have orbiters who try hit her up and shit cos hot girls all have that. But if SHE is responding and entertaining them then she gone get dropped.

p.s. you still got beta in you if you're worried about being called possessive/controlling. let em talk shit, who gives a fuck, they're all gonna die alone with cats, what do their opinions matter.

amwfhunter · 2020-05-18T05:48:20+00:00

No need to hard next. Just demote unless you are emotionally attached to her. I'd hard next if you are.

HurricaneHugues · 2020-05-18T06:18:28+00:00

No just wait til she cheats.

drevenx13 · 2020-05-18T07:24:33+00:00

Dude if I was you I would pack all of my stuff and move the fuck out and even change your name to John Doe.

Disappear and don't even leave a note, block her and everyone in her circle of friends. Disappear completely.

MisfitPL9 · 2020-05-18T03:03:18+00:00

Why dont you set the boundary now? " Do what you want, but No girlfriend of mine goes out alone with a guy "

Amon35 · 2020-05-18T08:46:18+00:00

Brother - sister like friendship dynamic is very rare. If she said he was obsessed with him you have your answer my dude. A female friend of mine had someone like that. She broke up with her bf and became an alpha widow ( Yep chick was that idiot). Slept with him and gone into LTR as a rebound. Hard next seems like the best course of action for you. Also you said stuff about her female friends. No one should invite others to their bedroom affairs in a LTR. We are anon here which is cool but IRL I don't find it ok. You have more than one reason to hard next.

ReverseUI · 2020-05-18T10:23:00+00:00

Doesn't sound like LTR tbh.

OracleofFl · 2020-05-18T12:55:41+00:00

So, she wants to withhold the existence of your relationship from someone who is clearly one of her best friends? Sounds like you are her plate. You don't want to be in an LTR with someone who see you as only a plate. Remember that she must be lying to him about where she is during weekends, etc. You guys are together and she is telling him she is on a spa day or with a friend. That is bad. Demote her to plate.

soprano1919 · 2020-05-18T13:58:34+00:00

Why is she entertaining a guy that used to be obsessed with her? (he still is) if she is in a ltr. Thats disrespectful to you. Shes probably keeps him around as an orbiter, for attention, validation, she probably still has feelings for him, or maybe she fucked him in the past. The fact that she hasnt told him about you is to protect his feelings or because she wants the benefits of a ltr with you and the benefits of this orbiter, or maybe shes keeping him as a backup. This friend obviously still wants her, and the fact that she spends time with him at all, responds to him daily and entertains him is a huge red flag. Demote her to a plate or next her.

RPU_mike · 2020-05-18T14:07:07+00:00

Why not just level with her and say, “I want to be with someone who is focused on me” and leave it at that? If she doesn’t change her behavior, then you know where you stand and you can remove your time and attention, demote her to plate, or move on.

Poopybuttholeman1 · 2020-05-18T17:06:21+00:00

Love blinds things, if you want to know how your lover will treat you one day, watch how they treat those around them that they don’t have feelings for.

Right now he is BB, being used for validation, she will use you just the same in the future if you don’t play your cards right.

However, why on earth would you break up if you don’t have plates?

That’s 101 of moving on.

Wow nice, awesome, woo I just broke up with a girl who was valuable enough to LTR!! I feel free as a bird... look how alpha I am!!

... wait, why aren’t other girls treating me the same way as she did after a relationship? This is not what I imagined AT ALL!

Go get some plates, gradually demote her, move on in a healthy way...

ViolentInteger · 2020-05-18T18:20:57+00:00

She hasn't told him about me.

Red flag.

She has announced that she is meeting him for a walk tomorrow

Normally not a red flag, but becomes one in light of the other red flags.

she took 2 hours to get ready to see him first time I have seen her straighten her hair in a month

Red flag.

Immediate hard next ?

That's one option. The other option is you immediately & silently demote to FWB. Either way: no talking. There is nothing you need to talk to her about. Just decide on which option you want, and make it happen.

You fucked up by promoting the wrong woman to LTR status. If you had properly vetted her, you would have realized that she is not worthy of it.

You need to reflect on how you made this mistake.

2020-05-18T19:43:03+00:00

obviously move on, you don't need to ask.

seducter · 2020-05-18T19:43:54+00:00

You’re the side bitch yo. I’d next her but if I wanna see if you still got time to be like “fuck it I need some fresh air too” and third wheel the fuck out of them to see how they react.

monkeywelder · 2020-05-18T23:04:18+00:00

Could you take him if it came down to it?

If yes, dont worry. If no, muscle up.

Tight-Mastodon · 2020-05-19T15:19:43+00:00

Hard next and don't look back.

jonboi211 · 2020-05-18T02:12:02+00:00

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