Aged 30 and not where I want to be in life - depressed - help me MGTOW

RocknR0IIa · 2020-05-26T14:54:39+00:00

Fine a place where you can easy commute to work, and future work location. You should be able to find some nice aces. Buy a small doggy house, fix it yourself and work on it in silence and solitude.

That alone will fix a lot of your issues.

Read Man's Search for Meaning Book by Viktor Frank - shows that loving something selflessly gives meaning in life. Find something you can sacrifice for, and get meaning back in your life.

LuigiC173 · 2020-05-26T17:21:57+00:00

I am a 30 year old man living in the US and my only question for you and any other single guy is why on god's green earth do you need to buy a house so bad lol.

countinginsolitude · 2020-05-26T15:09:13+00:00

[deleted]

CertainCrow1 · 2020-05-26T15:23:23+00:00

I'd recommend some physical exercise. I know gyms are closed but at least to frona run from time to time. I need to keep it up myself...

I get it man.. I was married.. due to family gifts we had a 550k house here fully paid... Now I'm moving out, just keeping my retirement savings and probably renting a two bedroom basement suite from someone... You do what you have to.. you might have to just find a nice quiet place to rent. I really don't feel I have an option as more than half my after tax income is gone just from support and other kids expenses. Ill be lucky to have 2k left for rent (which will use almost half of that) and everything else like food, gas, car, entertainment. I'll be 34 soon... Also my whole industry has been crap last few years without much hope moving forward. While province in rough shape. No ability to go back to school so just hoping I can somehow ride it out and monitor carefully. Maybe pick up a side skill I dunno

But seriously get some sun, some exercise, if you need to talk to someone check I'd your healthcare system has a free 'walk in' system like here for mental health. Currently ex is doing phone calls with them. Sometimes you just have to take baby steps. It sucks but put the dream of that house on hold for now .. even though I had that I may have to settle for long term plan just being a townhouse or siemthing. Only thing I can do for next few years is rent probably

Edit: can try to look for a foreclosure or something. That's my only outside scenario I'm personally looking for.. with the economy craash from corona could be some in not too distant future

GoodMan_Gone · 2020-05-26T16:52:17+00:00

Well, as I see it the age of 30 is like a starting rocket. You know: when a rocket starts it's engine for a tantalizing few moments nothing happens, other than flames being blasted out and just at the moment you think "oh oh..." it gently starts rising, first with inches later with a blistering escape velocity. You're in that rising inches phase in your life now, OP. I think I speak on behalf of most men: you've been beaten down several times and that was exactly what you needed.

Yes, it's shit with the lockdown so you're probably "stuck" with your folks for a while but I don't think this clown world insanity will last very much longer. Just accept you're there for a little while. What I "foresee" for the UK is a coming economical depression. The damage caused by the lockdown and Brexit. I'm not saying the EU is the perfect place, far from it, economically speaking but I believe the UK chose worst of both worlds. China and the US aren't going to sign any trade treaties which will benefit them the most and you the least. The negotiations with the EU are practically non existing due to small ego issues. And the financial corps are fleeing the City. Also I'm not sure what the UK has to offer the world with your industries. Nothing comes to mind thinking about products which I say "Hey! The best place for that is the UK!"

I could be off with that but I can't see any other way than an imploding economy in GB. Now if that will be the case the main question for you is: what is your profession? You say you have a good paying job but you didn't specify what it is. In case it's a blue collar job I'd say: stay put. Your work is always needed and with the posh princes and princesses out there not even being able to hit a nail in the wall you can charge extorbitant prices in due time. While I foresee plummets in housing prices. If you're in the financial world however I'd say GTFO there before it's too late.

Regarding the housing situation. The time will come when the lockdown is over and you can move out. Ask yourself "what do I actually need?" Do you really need a 5000 square foot mansion with 7 bedrooms? (Who's going to clean and maintain it?) If so why not consider "home hopping?" Buy/ rent something you can quite easily afford with the best possible meets to your demand and move from there until you reached your dream place.

Regarding depression. Bro, it's a state of mind. You're feeling unhappy because of your present situation and I presume about your past. Fuck the past: it doesn't exist. Regarding the present: either deal with it: have a convo with the neighbors and ask them to somewhat dose the heavy drilling or perhaps give them a hand if possible (the sooner it'll be done), accept it: "it is shit." end of story. Because it will end. Or start moving away now. Looking around with my home hopping scenario can't hurt.

ClintonKilldepstein · 2020-05-26T16:46:30+00:00

So many men are in this position. I know it's small consolation but you are not alone.

CoinSwapTrader · 2020-05-26T15:28:07+00:00

silence and peace is a rare commodity in this loud restless crazy world!

BrazilianSwiftie · 2020-05-26T17:49:42+00:00

calm down, buddy.

get yourself together.

HARD WORK PAYS OFF.

WRITE DOWN A PLAN.

WAKE UP 5 AM EVERY FUCKING DAY TO READ BOOKS AND TAKE CARE OF YOUR BODY.

WORK HARD. EXECUTE THE PLAN.

READ A GOOD BOOK EVERYDAY.

RUN OR LIFT WEIGHT EVERYDAY.

EAT WELL. DONT EAT SHIT.

READ EPICTETUS - "THE ART OF LIVING"

REPEAT DAILY: "HARD WORK PAYS OFF" 30 times in the morning. 30 times before sleeping.

your age doesnt matter. research about Colonel Harland Sanders

SkullPenny · 2020-05-26T19:54:06+00:00

I'm in a similar situation - early 30's, back at my parents, hustling at a startup in the hopes of striking it rich. I live in a noisy household since my sister also lives here and has kids.

My mindset is this - think of it like being back in the college dorms. Back in the college dorms, you could put up with all sorts of crazy abuse. Inconsiderate roommates, noisy floormates, crap food, and endless studying. Even though it sucked, you could endure it because you knew it was a temporary situation. You knew it wasn't going to be forever. It was the shit you put up with as a stepping stone to a better future.

Well, you (and I) are back there again. Back in the shitty college dorms. But know that it is only temporary and that the better future WILL come. We will get what we've earned in the end.

nosoupforyou · 2020-05-26T15:52:51+00:00

Unfortunately neighbors making construction noises are something you can't really do much about except by moving out or waiting it out. At least it's not neighbors blasting their music all day which might never end. Or night construction, but that would likely be illegal and you could complain.

I suggest earplugs or sound deadening headphones. Either that or just try to ignore it for now. I've gotten used to it to a certain extent. I would love to live in a place with more space between homes too.

I know that when I focus on the annoying noises, it starts bothering me more and when I focus on something else instead it bothers me less. Again, earplugs help a great deal.

davisyoung · 2020-05-26T20:27:52+00:00

Realistically, most men don’t see any real progress until their 30s. That’s the way it was for me and many others I know. You seem to have a well paying job so you’re probably ahead of the curve so odds are you’re going to see some results soon.

I didn’t buy my first house until I was 41, and only so with all cash and after the last housing crash so I got in low. I thought I would live there but ended up renting it out and moved in with my parents. It’s worked out and was able to buy a commercial property since.

You have a clear cut goal and you need to focus on that one thing. As men, we’re very good being goal-oriented, evaluate your life choices on whether it will bring you closer to your goal or not. It won’t be overnight but you’re on the right track, keep grinding.

Safe_Dentist · 2020-05-26T20:40:13+00:00

Keep calm and wait for drop of that notoriously high UK prices. Drop is nearing. For that money you could move to Thailand and fuck hookers every night during 45 years (not exactly peace and quiet but no depression either). Why people choose house in UK over this is beyond me.

BalkanMexican91 · 2020-05-26T21:27:31+00:00

Bro get a dog! Seriously. I just smoke a J and walk my dogs down to the river or desert. You get out of the house into nature and have a to think to yourself. Plus exercise.

usnraptor · 2020-05-27T02:28:27+00:00

You live in the UK; that's your biggest problem. I'd be depressed too.

FewActinomycetaceae0 · 2020-05-26T15:53:35+00:00

call the police \ file a noise complaint, a single man usually doesnt need a whole house

isthisthelasttime34 · 2020-05-26T16:10:36+00:00

I'm 33 and feel like my life is just getting started. I went through the ups and downs of feeling various ways about my life throughout my 20s. At times I didn't care. Other times I sunk into deep depression. But I've been able to abandon any sense of caring recently. And I truly feel like things are just getting started for me. No desire to raise a family either, so that kind of makes things easier.

Lostfate09 · 2020-05-26T19:02:45+00:00

Why in the holy fuck do you a need a £360,000 house?

OniiChanStopNotThere · 2020-05-26T19:12:06+00:00

Regarding finances: create a budget. Go to /r/personalfinance and sort by top of all time. It's a good place to start.

Regarding general health: Are you exercising daily? Lack of exercise can make you feel terrible. I speak from experience. This quarantine has been bad for my physical health and I didn't consciously realize I was neglecting my physical health until I was already experiencing some of the negative effects.

Mixer21 · 2020-05-26T19:12:19+00:00

On the money part:

My advise would be to slowly and carefully get into market trading. If you do this right and are disciplined enough, you have a very good statistical advantage and are guaranteed to make good money in the long run. Not some voodoo "never lose 100% win rate strategy" but a bit of hard work put into research and a lot of practice on a demo account, before you put any real money in there.

A great video that will show you what I mean

Good luck man.

pawel159 · 2020-05-26T21:41:26+00:00

Have you considered moving to Eastern Europe ? in Poland you could buy a huge house in the countryside for that kind of money

Makonar · 2020-05-26T23:11:18+00:00

Man, I wish I was in your shoes.
If you earn a good income - just wait, as a single guy, your living expenses are a fraction of what they were when you had a gf - you will be surprised how fast the money will grow. I assume that since you bought a house, and then sold it - you didn't lose too much on that? Or are you in debt?
If your neighbors had music 24/7 - should've been the bad neighbor and kept calling cops on them, or start blasting your own music and fight with them... until they move :) Key to success is perseverance.
I'm joking of course, but I suggest you invest in a good pair of noise cancelling headphones - I used them constantly when I'm at home - like Bose QC 35 or Sony WH1000XM3 - you can buy them used on ebay for under $200 easily - those things are a life saver if loud noises bother you since you can basically function next to a open window and a grass cutting machine, or a loud indoor air conditioner and barely notice it. One problem less for you to worry.
If you are single, why do you need a nice house? Do you actually need several bedrooms or bathrooms? I'm sure it's great to actually have the living space, but I personally would much rather save my money for the next few years, even if it meant me renting a small apartment or a room.
As for your depression, the best solution I can give you is to change your diet - eat lots of fresh vegetables and fruit - it's what got me out of depression myself - because the extra energy I had after a few weeks of healthy diet - basically pushed me out of the house...
It also helps to have goals - even if small and insignificant ones. I also suffered through a year long depression phase in my life , and also was constantly thinking of ending it. But what got me out is thinking like this: there is this movie I'd like to watch, so I'm not going to end it now, I'll wait. Next, there is this game I want to play - so I'll wait for it... for many men, getting in shape is a great way to occupy their minds - just weigh yourself daily, get an app on your phone and note your progress, what you eat, how many steps you did daily - it will be fun to see each day or week if you can do better than last time - small steps and time, is what gets you out of depression. That, and healthy eating - seriously, fresh fruits and vegetables - as much as you can. Make a habit of eating bell pepper, carrots, cucumbers, chicory or kohlrabi with every meal - you will feel the difference.
I find those silly ASMR channels are very, very relaxing. A nice girl, talking with a soft, quiet voice to you - it helps me sleep. I found that I love the sound of hairdressing - so I have a few vids on youtube, which I launch when I just need to relax for a half and hour - just some soft voice, sounds of brushing hair, sprinkling water stuff like that - It gets me to relax every time, no matter how stressed or tired I am.
If you need peace and quiet - start going out - drive to a forest, a beach - a field in the middle of nowhere, open a beer, grab a book, or your trusty noise cancelling headphones and just relax - I wish I could do just that, but since I don't drive myself - those chances are so rare. It's getting warmer so grab a deck chair and start relaxing. If the neighbor doesn't let you - just go someplace it's possible, even if for a few hours a week. The lock-down will be gone soon enough - get to a gym, a library, or a museum, sit in a comfy chair and just relax - read a book, listen to music, or a podcast or anything that you like and give yourself a few hours each week of pure bliss.
I myself found that I don't really mind going by myself to the cinema, going to the mall and just sitting in the food court, sipping on a cool beverage, reading a book - the noise of other people doesn't really bother me.
Also, invest some time and try to build good relations with your parents - I don't know your situation. I myself live in the same building as my parents (it's a complicated family thing) and I myself am not that fond of my parents or spending time with them, but I learned to actually enjoy my time with them... whenever we eat dinner, barbecue, or just meet in the corridor to chat - I take the time, I ask them about their lives, my childhood - as I never actually talked to my parents, now in my late 30's a learn a bunch of stuff from them, and I find their past lives fascinating - in an era of internet, media and commercialism - simple lives my parents had, when there was no color tvs or the internet is fascinating to me. They have a lot of life experience, they've had interesting lives - so it makes talking to them much better than just grinding my teeth or rolling my eyes forcing myself to sit with them... if you can't, consider renting something cheap - like a room in a nice, quiet neighborhood - it will give you time to scope out the place if it's somewhere you'd want to spend the rest of your life. You are in your early 30s man - the economic opportunities for you are just beginning to open, within 5-6 years, you will be swimming in disposable income. Save your money now, invest what you have and you will be able to afford your own place in no time.

DannyTTT55 · 2020-05-26T15:12:48+00:00

It's going to depend on your job and what kind of lifestyle you want to have

I'm from Australia, and many people commute for an hour and sometimes even two hours one way for the lifestyle they have, but their property is close to the size of a farm (although property prices have gotten so high even those places are out of reach financially but you can still pick up a nice place)

You're going to have to make some sacrifice, but your situation is really not that bad and is just a matter of convenience, and certainly nothing to kill yourself over...

If noisy neighbors get you down so bad I'd hate to see what will happen when you get a terminal disease or something else actually bad

Either keep living at home sucking it up
Rent
Get used to commuting quite far. Don't be too put off, you'll end up finding things you can do on the train, catching up on some reading or going on reddit, etc

Ons_Duiwel · 2020-05-26T16:01:37+00:00

[deleted]

smileyclown · 2020-05-26T16:49:08+00:00

I hear you mate. I'm 32 and in the same boat. Living with parents, can't afford to live on my own, got laid off due to the govid1984 but now back at work. Not making enough money and the govt rapes the hell out of people in taxes. At least I'm debt free though.I like to live somewhere out in the county away from the city prison.

Ons_Duiwel · 2020-05-26T19:48:38+00:00

This isn't the advice you want to hear but... Do you have a moment to talk about our lords and saviors, the Stoics?

Seriously though, the works by Epictetus especially have helped me through some dark times in my life. Realize that certain things are within our control, while others are not. It's no use getting upset over things that you cannot control, so work your ass off on things that you do have control over.

Personally the Buddhist concept of attachment (or more specifically, letting go of attachments) helped me a great deal too, when I felt entitled to certain things.

What I'm trying to get at is, do the inner work first. I'm going to hazard a guess and say that a house in a quiet area isn't going to solve your problems.

Givemeanamedamn · 2020-05-26T20:28:24+00:00

Any houses on the shared ownership scheme? Or help to buy?

I'm in the same position, in a house with a few others. Really don't like living with other people though, I like my peace, quiet and personal space without having to small talk every time we meet in the kitchen. Also seems majority of people these days don't know even the basics of living without their parents, like cleaning up after themselves and being considerate.

What job is it? Any chance of moving abroad where places are cheaper? South England prices just depress me, but hopefully I can start on shared ownership and build up my share, or move abroad and keep my UK salary. At least if you are home you can save like crazy and build an even bigger deposit.

gsharm · 2020-05-27T00:25:12+00:00

Even being led to believe you need a house is part of the conditioning. Relax. Figure out what you need to live on and work out how much runway you have/need. That will keep you busy for now.

Actual_Device · 2020-05-27T01:39:41+00:00

I would say get away from your parents. It's clearly not good for you.

Get a cheap apartment, get some noise-canceling headphones and do some reading/writing.

chymmi · 2020-05-29T05:13:14+00:00

I have the problem with my neighbors too, but reproductor + low frequency and they stopped and now it's quiet :D

jhooperp · 2020-05-27T07:16:39+00:00

Dude not trying to be a dick but it seems like you are the problem. It’s like you’re looking for things to piss you off which gets you depressed.

I’m on my own in my own apartment and sometimes I hear music or tv of my neighbors but it’s no big deal I still do me and let them be. But you it seems everywhere you are it gets to you.

Maybe get sound proof cushions if it’s really the problem but I think it’s you looking for issues so you need to find out why. Are you just unhappy with life?! I think so but it’s not the neighbors unless they have huge speakers on their porch and just blast it out.

Dude it’s you. Work it out.

Thing is this: most people aren’t where they thought they would be. I’m in my thirties and I’m not where I thought I would when I was a teenager. I was depressed but finally got to a point where I don’t put that pressure on myself anymore. So what you aren’t where you thought you’d be! Look for the good things in life and focus on that.

Truth is no matter what you do in life you will feel down and wish you were someone else or somewhere else. You just have to focus in the now and find ur happiness.

Trust me I know what you are saying because I was there and most people from all walks of life have been there or are there. Life can be hard and our expectations are too much. You need to just find happiness where you can and be content with yourself and not be pissed at yourself.

Take it one day at a time. Find a book or TV show you can get lost in for the time being and go back to it whenever you start to feel down. Look for new recipes and try cooking yourself. Sit outside during the day and breath in fresh air. Sounds corny as all hell I know but this helps your mood.

Soon you’ll see what I’m talking about. You’ll get to a point where you’ll think “fuck all that bullshit, I have one life and I’m not going to spend it punishing myself”.

So some girl didn’t want you, let her go. So you aren’t an NBA player or writer or actor. So you didn’t become a millionaire. Fuck all that. For now press play on some tv show and get lost in it. Time will come where you’ll just be happy to be sitting down by yourself and watch something.

One day at a time bro.

Title	Aged 30 and not where I want to be in life - depressed - help me MGTOW
Author	countinginsolitude
Upvotes	117
Comments	74
Date	May 26, 2020 2:43 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MGTOW
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MGTOW/comments/gqybs5/aged_30_and_not_where_i_want_to_be_in_life/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MGTOW/aged-30-and-not-where-i-want-to-be-in-life.668749 https://theredarchive.com/post/668749

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