I (22 F) Need to Be Smacked Around a Little

findingmywayforever · 2020-06-09T18:25:32+00:00

Honey! You need a hug as well.....I know that I have back in the dating scene for a little over a year myself and the first person that I fell for was someone who was older and also dealing with divorce....He fit the same age range and also had kids that were honestly, not too older than myself...still i rationalized all of those things because i fell in love. When he ultimately told me that he needed to end it off....I was heartbroken...

After awhile though, I realized that he simply wasn't who I wanted. That my goals and his weren't the same...

Here for any support that you need <3

DoctorNini · 2020-06-09T14:58:49+00:00

Oh sweetie, it sounds like you are being realistic enough. You don’t need a smack, you need a hug. You made a wrong choice, but that’s okay. Take care of yourself, practice a little nun mode, and internalise the knowledge you can take from this situation to help you in your further journey in life. But for now: give yourself all the love you would want from him, until the pain is less intense.

spaghettiparrot · 2020-06-09T15:04:22+00:00

> He called it off last week and I'm heartbroken.

Good! You have a fresh start, while you're still young enough to chalk this up to youthful shenanigans. A 45-year-old man with grown children was only ever looking for fun with a twenty-something and it sounds like he made that pretty clear. Men are better at sticking to that mentality, which is why the idea that women can sleep around like men is problematic. The inevitably seem to fall in love.

Even if this guy had changed his mind, he likely wouldn't have wanted more children and you'd have unquestionably been looking at being with an aging man far sooner than necessary. Imagine nearing 40 and having to deal with an Alzheimer diagnosis, impotency, or prostate issues. Now you can find someone young and healthy, who can keep up with the lifestyle you want. The sex will be better for longer, too.

> We shared everything together; all the gritty details about our backgrounds, an apartment, tons of time.

There are outliers, but in general, if you want a ring, don't move in until you have it on your finger. Breakups are made needlessly difficult by having to set up new living arrangements and it's harder to call it quits, because of those entanglements.

It's going to take time. I remember being divorced at 23 and wanting to feel better yesterday. I met my husband four years later, but honestly, I still have nightmares about that relationship and the trauma it entailed. It doesn't sound like you've had a traumatic experience, though. I'd bet you feel a lot better in six months. I'd recommend you set an age cap and avoid men who are past the family starting phase. Act according to your goals.

spaghettiparrot · 2020-06-09T19:55:54+00:00

You don't need a smack. You need support and many lovely ladies on this sub will give that to you! Regardless of whether or not a relationship was right, it always hurts when it ends.

So far you are doing the right thing. You have initiated no contact and you erased him from your phone. Your ex has done the right thing too by ending things.

Take your time to mourn this loss and go into nun mode to invest in building yourself up physically and emotionally. Once you're ready to date again, I promise you that with the right standards and vetting that you will find a man in the same phase of life as you who will want to commit to you and build something that lasts :)

quirkypinkllama · 2020-06-09T22:03:41+00:00

Having an age range you're willing to date is soooo important! I'm 31 and mine is 5 years younger and 11-12 years older. I won't go above that. Have other parameters that they must fit within as well. It will help you weed them out early before you have feelings. Cut n dry gets easier when you understand WHY you have these rules in the first place.

TranslatedSky · 2020-06-10T05:24:52+00:00

“I need to be reminded that logically this did not align with my goals.” Practice makes perfect and it’s good you’re harsh on yourself. Getting entangled with someone whom you know is not good for you will only result in trauma and baggage.

Also, this guy is a successful Chad going after a girl much younger than him. While it might make you feel important and special, imagine the dialogue going on in his head as he uses his experiences to manipulate you towards this exact response you’re now having.

While we can’t control our biological response, we can control our actions. Just consider this good practice, and you’ll be more prepared in the future to nip it at the start before it festers. You already did the right thing breaking off communication. It is a good experience towards respecting yourself and setting boundaries, something many only learn at a later age.

Fuckitandthrowitaway · 2020-06-10T18:29:57+00:00

Your brain needs a smack. Your heart needs a hug.

Captain-Cheesehead · 2020-06-10T04:41:27+00:00

25M, you’re young, you’re probably very pretty, and you’re one of the few women I know that want a traditional marriage and children.

I don’t intend to come on to you (I’m probably many countries away from where you live), but I will say: Enjoy being single. It comes with many great things that once you get serious, they will go away. Go out, explore, learn to cook something, learn a new language, read a book, get drunk if you feel like it, learn to play a musical instrument… do whatever it is you want to do but do it NOW while you still can; you’ve got a lot still ahead of you. Enjoy it, every single second of it is something that in later years, while driving your kids to school or sharing a bed with your loving husband, you’ll look back on and you’ll tell yourself: I lived my single life happy, I lived it to the fullest, I closed that chapter of my life perfectly and now I’m happy where I’m at.

It’s okay; if being with someone who wasn’t going to fulfill your dreams and aspirations, it’s better to break it up than to live with it shut down forever. You’ll get through this. Breaking up is tough, and it hurts like Hell, but eventually, you just wake up and your legs feel a little stronger, like you could just run for many miles at full speed, and you feel like you’re born again.

You’ll be okay! 🙂

littlesunshine998 · 2020-06-09T22:10:27+00:00

“I isolated myself and he became my world” no. He intentionally put you in this position to have full control over you. Manipulative people do it impeccably. He was toxic, good riddance. Narcissistic at least, sociopathic at most. HIS loss, not yours. He ruined you? No babygirl. He GIFTED you a shot at a life you TRULY deserve. Hang in there! ❤️

Cultural_Area · 2020-06-09T21:48:09+00:00

You're an Alpha widow now, you'll never recover. You should have known that Alpha Chads never commit and trade up women when they get bored of them for a younger one.

Title	I (22 F) Need to Be Smacked Around a Little
Author	spaghettiparrot
Upvotes	18
Comments	18
Date	June 9, 2020 2:42 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/gzofv9/i_22_f_need_to_be_smacked_around_a_little/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/i-22-f-need-to-be-smacked-around-a-little.672219 https://theredarchive.com/post/672219

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