I have read through the FDS handbook and it’s so helpful to learn about why these principles work and to hear others success stories. These principles are new for me and I’m trying hard to implement what I’m learning.

Tonite I did something I have never done. I am hoping to get some feedback.

While at my boyfriends this evening I was going to bed earlier than he. When he came and got in bed I noticed what he was watching on his phone (originally I assumed he thought I was asleep and wouldn’ notice what he was watching). Anyway... he was on TikTok watching videos of some women shaking there assess and boobs all up in the screen. At first I didn’t care, but then suddenly it bothered me. I guess because I was “right there” a real, live woman who he knows has been wanting his attention. I asked him what he was watching and the conversation went like this:

Him: oh, just watching some practical jokes Me: it looked like a bunch of women shaking there tits and asses up close in the camera. Him: oh, no. That one wasn’t a joke I don’t know what it was so I skipped through it. Me, with a scrunched brow: no you didn’t. You watched the entire video and the ones that followed that were just like it, and you “hearted” them. Him: so what. I thought they were funny. Me: what seemed funny about it Him: her voice Me: inner her voice was funny He gets out of bed, walks out to the couch and lays down out there. So I call out to him Me: where are you going Him: I’m going out here so I can watch my videos in peace without you telling me what I can watch. You try to create a problem out of everything! (I hadn’t said anything about him watching/not watching anything.) Me: Problem? Let me get this straight.. It’s a problem for you that I spoke up after finding you watching women half naked shaking themselves up close at the camera while I’m right next to you - after having the long talk about how I needed some affection from you? Him: You don’t control what I watch. Me: No, I don’t.
Him: it’s not my fault your insecure, but that’s not going to stop me from watching what I want. Me: I don’t know why you cannot accept why that was offensive to me.

I now am heading towards the couch and telling him I don’t care what he watches but it’s offensive that he knows I’m right here wanting his affection after several shitty days at work and he chooses to entertain himself with that crap instead of looking to me (a real body) next to him. Again, he called me insecure and I disagreed saying wether I am insecure or not is not the issue right here. It spiraled and he continued to repeat these three things in different ways 1) I don’t care how what I watch makes you feel 2) Your insecurity is not my problem 3) why do you “always” have to create a problem out of nothing.

I decided to go home. My thought was, why should I sit here and be made to feel less than and defective. I got my things and left at 11pm and drove an hour home. When I was leaving he didn’t even get off the couch or look at me or say anything at all. Just kept lying there watching his tiktok videos.

When I get home I get this message “I’m glad you made it home. I can’t believe you left knowing there are riots going on down the street and it was after curfew (our city just instituted a curfew because of the riots). He also said he shouldn’t have let me go that he should have just apologized. But that I made a big deal out of nothing.

Here are my questions- Did I make a big deal out of nothing? Should I have stayed? Did I say the right thing?

I’m really wanting to implement the FDS principles, but I’m and starting from ground zero as for the most part I have always been kind of a pushover. I realize now that this is why I end up with shitty guys.