Confront men about your standards vs. just leave. Where’s the line?

2020-05-01T20:45:42+00:00

There's 2 things to consider:

Yes, sometimes a standard is going to be personal to you and may not be one that's commonly upheld by others (I'm not saying this is wrong BTW! Your standards are yours and own them!) - in situations like this, you need only communicate this clearly ONCE. He does it again? Nah sis.

Now for the second part, a standard that you'd reasonably consider a common one, maybe a baseline standard that you feel shouldn't need to be spelt out

Do the same thing they in the law, find a 3rd party, one you can trust to give you unbiased judgement. Present the issue at hand and have them agreed/disagree if that is a standard that any reasonable person should uphold without being told

Also, yes we are all human and sometimes we just won't know something,but, do you want to be with someone that didn't understand that this would be a standard to uphold in the first place?

I have low self esteem and have many times I've tried to communicate certain standards to a man that should never need to be communicated such as:

-I'd like you at least message me once every few days

-I'd like you not to hit me

-I'd like you not to anally rape me

No, I'm not kidding

I can only speak for myself but most of the time, anytime explaining myself after once was just me wasting my breath. They hear you loud and clear the first time, after that they'll make an effort to uphold it or not care, mostly the latter

Just remember, they either care or they don't, there isn't nor will there ever will be a magical combination of words for them to care. They are banking on you thinking/believing that there is because:

-it keeps you around longer

-you internally blame yourself because you "didn't explain yourself well enough"

mightbethrowawayyy · 2020-05-01T20:22:38+00:00

If you have to explain something to a person that should be common sense, just leave.

sadcello · 2020-05-01T21:34:07+00:00

If he lacks common sense from the get go leave asap, even if he's good otherwise, you'll end up being the mommy who teaches him common sense. If you're already in a relationship and he did something that disappoints you, communicate with him. If he listens, apologizes and changes, keep going, if not break up. My rule is I communicate only once, no reminder or second chances. He doesn't change means he doesn't care, leave. He gets defensive and deflects or excuses himself or gaslight or manipulates you in anyway means he's abusive, dump. He gets angry and attacks me for being disappointed with his behavior, he's a narcissist or a psychopath, run.

gcthrowaway2019 · 2020-05-02T02:19:59+00:00

If he's 25+ he's set in his ways and too damn old to hear it. When men behave badly it's almost always on purpose.

TheStar_XVII · 2020-05-01T21:14:02+00:00

It depends on the context. I do think a lot of the time it's more important how someone reacts to you establishing a boundary or how you'd like to be treated than that they do everything perfectly all the time. So, he gets one "This is what I expect" and if he doesn't meet that after being told, he's out.

But it depends on the severity of the offense.

LadyGrimes · 2020-05-01T21:00:44+00:00

Should be the moment you notice it honestly. You don't have to make a scene either, just walk away.

ssppookk · 2020-05-01T20:33:51+00:00

I explain only when I find he had actively accomplished my basics for some time long (2/4 weeks). I never explain basics. I never explain not basics unless he asks for. Mostly I just leave, cz they are not taking care of anything. The last one is the most common scenario.

StupidHappyPancakes · 2020-05-01T20:51:28+00:00

[deleted]

gopenn2010 · 2020-05-01T20:43:07+00:00

When his actions are rude + shows that we are very incompatible...I cut him off. If it's just rude or just shows incompatibility, I'll communicate.

Title	Confront men about your standards vs. just leave. Where’s the line?
Author	mightbethrowawayyy
Upvotes	87
Comments	21
Date	May 1, 2020 8:17 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/gbpi4a/confront_men_about_your_standards_vs_just_leave/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/confront-men-about-your-standards-vs-just-leave.677155 https://theredarchive.com/post/677155

Comments